Reasons why I don’t want MIL to see my baby, AIBU?

[MamaBearXO]

1. She talks about her sons, grandsons and daughters boyfriends penis but mainly her sons and not in a parenting sense
2. She’s allowed her grandson to run out the door numerous times and when he fell downstairs stayed in her bed playing phone games
3. She’s bragged about raping a man to her children’s partners and children
4. She did cocaine just last year
5. With every grandchild she brags about teaching them “nana” as a first word and how upset the parents were (its lies btw)
6. She stretched her granddaughters stomach by upping how much milk she had and the baby was crying in pain (mother of baby told me)
7. She’s allowed men to come in and control her kids and abuse them
8. She gave her children takeaway so they shut up while she has loud sex in the other room (random men she meets on a night out)
9. She’s on the dog ban list but has got a new dog

10. Many of her cats and kittens have gone missing no sign of remorse 11. House is coated in fleas 12. Frequent smoker and smokes in the house and car 13. Takes credit for a lot of things and creates rumours about people which include their parenting 14. Let’s all of her kids smoke drink and do drugs underage 15. The new illegal dog apparently nips 16. Lies 17. Made her children lie about being abused so they didn’t get taken off her properly and all of her kids have been on the child protection register 18. Shares secrets with other family members whenever her kids confide in her 19. Broken her daughters nose 20. Bullies her children 21. Flirts with her son 22. Has let grandchildren’s clothes get peed on by cats and still let them wear the clothes 23. All of her daughters have lost their virginity underage (she’s quite supportive) 24. I’ll make this the last one so I don’t go on anymore, she doesn’t ask how my baby is, she doesn’t ask to see my baby and she doesn’t even know how to spell my baby’s 4 letter name, she also doesn’t agree with her sons parenting

@rubyroot
Thank you and I know it may seem like a stupid question but as I’ve mentioned in other replies that a lot of people think she should still be entitled to see her grandchild

@Sleeplikeasloth
No I reported her for her treatment of cats and dogs
She’s currently not allowed to own a dog for 10 years because she neglected her last dog but she’s managed to get her fiancé to get a dog in his name but it’s hers and the police they didn’t listen

Who exactly are the people who think she should still be entitled to see her grandchild?

Why are they influencing you?

@Shallishanti123
Thank you

@LuckyLou7
Thank you and I agree
It just depends how he’d take me saying I think she shouldn’t be allowed to see our baby as someone mentioned that he does have 50% parental rights

OP - there's a lot of people on here who don't think she should be in the same postcode as your baby

If I were you, I’d report her with all the information you have given, not rely on other people to make reports.

Sounds a lot like my MIL OP. She probably won’t be bothered about seeing the baby other than for bragging rights so I see no harm in restricting/withdrawing contact. Mine has met my 2yo a handful of times and only cares about the fbook selfie post with him rather than actually getting to know/caring for him. We’ve not yet told her I’m 6 months pregnant as my husband decided to go NC in August when her latest boyfriend beat up my DHs youngest (teen) brother. Stay away, protect you and yours.

@HAMGina
Mainly her children I mean despite everything she’s done she’s still there mum so they have that loyalty to her
Her youngest daughter called my partner selfish because of the way she found out our baby was born,
We told a friend who told another friend who told my partners little brother who told their mum and then we got a message from his sister saying that he’s selfish for not telling his mum about baby being born (at this point he’d had no sleep due to helping me and we were still in hospital)

@Beeziekn33ze
I’d prefer that too

TBH, if I were you, I'd go NC with the whole lot of 'em.

How is she not in jail? I asked that on the original thread but didn't see the answer. Cuz she sounds like she should be in jail.

@Schuyler
I don’t mind reporting her for animals (I did it behind my partners back as he didn’t agree with me reporting her) but on the social services background I am very scared as my partner wouldn’t agree and if social services won’t listen to her own kids they won’t listen to me, the two youngest kids also argued against social services getting involved and were crying at there big sister not to report there mum

On the basis of the OP alone... if you let this woman anywhere near your child (and I mean anywhere near) then you’re as unfit as she is. Protect your child. Go NC.

@Furble
Thank you and even though it’s awful at least somebody understands on a personal level and doesn’t think I’m lying, I hope the brother is okay and congratulations you two

@HAMGina
I want to

@IsItThatTimeAgain
I honestly don’t know I mean my partner has said she usually bitches and cries and ends up getting what she wants so she’s somehow managed to pull the wool over a lot of authorities eyes

@ShaggyRug
I’d hate to be compared to this woman but what would you do if your partner doesn’t agree with you and he does have 50% rights?

I think you must - even if that means the end of your relationship.

ATM you're prioritising your husband over your child.

Your partner takes the baby against your will?

Don't have any more children. You made a huge mistake with your partner.

Partner not husband - but that will make leaving him easier in a lot of ways.

"" It just depends how he’d take me saying I think she shouldn’t be allowed to see our baby as someone mentioned that he does have 50% parental rights""

No he doesn't, he has 50% responsibility.

That includes the responsibility to keep her safe.

I'd bet your Mil wouldn't pass an SS assessment.

She is abusive and you are contemplating putting your child in danger.

Why is that?

FWIW I know families like this - there is no other way here - you must leave, move far away if possible.

It's not even a class thing - it's enmeshment.

www.verywellfamily.com/can-a-family-be-too-close-1695789

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/both-sides-the-couch/201201/untangling-the-bonds-enmeshment

You need to get completely away for your own sake as well as you child.

Otherwise you'll both be drawn inextricably into the web, and will both become "one of them".

Your choice.

"Mainly her children I mean despite everything she’s done she’s still there mum so they have that loyalty to her"

They grown up with abuse, so they know no different, or can recognise the damage being done.

That includes your DH.

This is why cycles of abuse continue.

But carry on u tul there's an incident with your child and just hope that it isn't life long changing.

@HAMGina
I am definitely not putting him before baby’s safety, I will tell him how I feel but I feel the consequences would be worse if we broke up because she’d act very entitled and since he has 50% rights when he has our baby, what if she just invites herself over? I mean she showed up yesterday unannounced and definitely doesn’t respect my wishes, just before Christmas I got a call from her daughter asking to pop in, I told them that I was out and my partner was asleep, she said they’ll wake him up, I told them I really wouldn’t like that and she said mums persistent, I messaged both mum and daughter saying please don’t show up and only got a reply from the mum saying “I’m already here” luckily the oldest sister lives close by and called her up and got her to go see her and leave us fast (oldest sister is the best)