Reasons why I don’t want MIL to see my baby, AIBU?

[MamaBearXO]

1. She talks about her sons, grandsons and daughters boyfriends penis but mainly her sons and not in a parenting sense
2. She’s allowed her grandson to run out the door numerous times and when he fell downstairs stayed in her bed playing phone games
3. She’s bragged about raping a man to her children’s partners and children
4. She did cocaine just last year
5. With every grandchild she brags about teaching them “nana” as a first word and how upset the parents were (its lies btw)
6. She stretched her granddaughters stomach by upping how much milk she had and the baby was crying in pain (mother of baby told me)
7. She’s allowed men to come in and control her kids and abuse them
8. She gave her children takeaway so they shut up while she has loud sex in the other room (random men she meets on a night out)
9. She’s on the dog ban list but has got a new dog

10. Many of her cats and kittens have gone missing no sign of remorse 11. House is coated in fleas 12. Frequent smoker and smokes in the house and car 13. Takes credit for a lot of things and creates rumours about people which include their parenting 14. Let’s all of her kids smoke drink and do drugs underage 15. The new illegal dog apparently nips 16. Lies 17. Made her children lie about being abused so they didn’t get taken off her properly and all of her kids have been on the child protection register 18. Shares secrets with other family members whenever her kids confide in her 19. Broken her daughters nose 20. Bullies her children 21. Flirts with her son 22. Has let grandchildren’s clothes get peed on by cats and still let them wear the clothes 23. All of her daughters have lost their virginity underage (she’s quite supportive) 24. I’ll make this the last one so I don’t go on anymore, she doesn’t ask how my baby is, she doesn’t ask to see my baby and she doesn’t even know how to spell my baby’s 4 letter name, she also doesn’t agree with her sons parenting

she doesn’t ask how my baby is, she doesn’t ask to see my baby and she doesn’t even know how to spell my baby’s 4 letter name, she also doesn’t agree with her sons parenting

I don't actually see a problem here. She's not fussed about engaging with your child, just ignore.

@Fightingfit2019
Babysitting is completely off the table me and my partner agreed to this at the beginning of our relationship before we even decided when to have kids, it’s really difficult to tell what is lies with her or not, she claims abuse as a child but apparently she’s had a perfect upbringing, she found out who the father was to one of her children and started making up that her own father isn’t biologically related to her and she likes to always have one up on her kids so if they’ve had a serious incident hers was always worse

@ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess
My partner does want to move away not just because our town is quite rubbish but he does want to distance himself from his family a bit, his second oldest sister has moved 6 hours away and his oldest sister wanted to do the same
So it seems were not the only ones who feel that way, it’s just a bit difficult at the moment

@KC225
I agree but he does say he can’t cut her fully out as she’s still his mum (which I kind of understand) but how much can a person get away with?
I’ve shown him the list as she apparently has noticed me not bring the baby down a few times when she’s here so I said “if she keeps noticing just show her this list”

@PlainSpeakingStraightTalking
The thing is even though his background is bad he’s a good person, I mean as stated in the list all of his sisters lost their virginity underage, he didn’t, he’s intelligent and has a good heart it just makes me very sad that that’s where he’s came from, she does have some mental health issues I’ll mention one of them, narcissistic personality disorder, she doesn’t understand social boundaries and yes my partner is on the birth certificate it just depends how fussed he is about his mother seeing our baby, he’s only mentioned something yesterday about her noticing me not bringing baby down when she’s here but not too fussed usually

YABVU if you have not reported her to social services given that she’s a 14 year old child in her home..

Why would you even need to ask!

@Rainycloudyday
That’s the hard part as he doesn’t inforce that she should be seeing our child but he mentioned how she’s noticed me not bringing the baby down when she’s here

@GreatDuckCookery
You’d be surprised how many people know her and still think my baby should see her, and yeah anytime it happens he feels very uncomfortable and states that to me

There's a huge difference between allowing her to visit you monthly for an hour at a time convenient to you and letting her have your baby overnight! If it makes it easier for your partner, allowing supervised visits in your home is safe, but yes anything more would not be safe. If there are any under 18's in her home, social services need to get involved if all currently happening.

@OlennasWimple
Social services and the police have been around her a lot she’s managed to have all her kids looked after by other people (I don’t know about the second oldest) so they always managed to come home such as her oldest staying with her dad then coming home, the 3rd oldest and 4th oldest stayed with the oldest when 3rd oldest was old enough the youngest and second youngest stayed with her, last year the oldest called social services on her and the 3rd oldest tried to get her admitted to a psychiatric hospital (she decided not to take her meds and had a mental breakdown in front of her two youngest and daughters boyfriend), the hospital brushed her off as they know her well and social services didn’t get involved with the kids so I don’t know what happened there but she keeps getting away with it

If she does even half these things, she should never be around any child, ever. You would not be unreasonable to keep your baby away from her.

@SleepingStandingUp
I don’t know really
And she’s constantly gotten away with murder with social services and the police
I called up the RSPCA because she shouldn’t be allowed pets or children and told them all her situations with animals, they said if the animals are still getting food and not underweight or showing severe signs of neglect then theres not much they can do

Some of these things are a bit odd as well. Number 8, for example - her children are adult. Now (given you are talking about grandchildren in this post),

Not necessarily evidence that this post is untrue-- people have children at all sort of ages these days. The children could be 7 and 18 for instance.

I dont understand how you get involved romantically with anyone from that sort of back ground.

Wow- just wow! So if you've been brought up in an abusive household you don't deserve to be loved? Perhaps she fell in love? Perhaps the bloke is a decent human being- just perhaps!

A strange post though- why would you ask the question. You and your partner need to report her again and try to have as little to do with her as possible.

@LuckyLou7
She is I don’t know how two of her other children allow her to mind their children but me and partner agreed no babysitting at the beginning of our relationship

No way would i let my child near her

Well the rspca aren't going to do anything about whether she has children.

And as for pets, is she banned from owning pets? You say she's on the banned dog list, but I'm not aware of what you mean. Courts can ban you from owning animals, but if you breach that, it's a matter for the police not the rspca I believe.

@Stinkytoe
Sorry if I didn’t reply to you, and he usually isn’t too fussed about his family but when she’s been round she’s apparently noticed me not bringing baby down so this is why I’m asking, I know a lot of people are questioning whether this is real or that it should be plain and simple but this is in my life and I’m just as surprised that she’s managed to get away with so much

@RandomUsers
Thank you

@Schuyler
Her oldest reported her to social services last year and they didn’t do anything

@Nothisispatrick
Because there’s a lot of people who know her and still think she has an entitlement to see her grandchild

@anniehm
That’s the thing I don’t even like her seeing my baby briefly, she criticises a lot of what we want for our baby, we have a no kissing rule and she never listens and even told my partner to shut up when he’s told her off for kissing the baby

@steff13
Thank you
You’d be surprised how many people still think she should be allowed to see our baby

Aww no, yanbu. She sounds awful. Best to stay away from her as she doesn’t sound stable at all.

@MamaBearXO

This is a no-brainer to be honest. Don't have anything more to do with her. If DH wants to see her, so be it, but don't allow her any access to your child. At 47, she is unlikely to change.