To ask if you regretted Wedding spend?

[FeelingFlat]

I'm getting married this year (date quite set can't do another time or year)

I'm completely stuck on type of wedding.

I have two options-

Small immediate family, lunch after that may or may not spread into drinks into the evening.

Big white traditional wedding with most extended family and friends invited at a cost of approx £20k (more likely to tip over than under 20k)

Whilst we can afford the big wedding it would literally leave us on zero savings.

Heart says big wedding, head says small.

Has anyone ever had regrets after a small or big wedding?! Wished you had done the opposite afterwards?

To not drip feed and to make this easier please understand that there's no inbetween wedding or budget we would be happy with despite looking at many options.

Help me decide

DP and I are getting married later this year, and at the moment we are trying to find a venue at the right price. We have already decided that we would far rather spend money on a honeymoon than the wedding.

I would quite happily have a really small do (12 people), but as he has 20 close family members that's not going to happen. In reality we will probably end up with 40-50 people, and we're aiming for a budget of about £2K. It's not the first time for either of us and blowing £££ seems daft.

I think it depends on your personality too.

I LOVE a party, I’m really sociable and have no problem with being the centre of attention.
I also have a background in the theatre and organising events. Organising my wedding was completely in my comfort zone and I loved having everyone I care about in one place, it was the best feeling in the world.

However one of my friends got so stressed organising her wedding and at the thought of being the centre of attention that her hair started falling out!!!

Be honest with yourself, there’s nothing wrong at all wanting a big wedding if that’s what you want.

Feeling flat- if you have a house, no debt and can already the manage the cost of a baby you’re in a much better position than we were! Go with your heart.

Ours was about £10k and we celebrated our 25th anniversary last August.

That was quite a big wedding then, 100 guests for all day.

I did enjoy it and I don't regret it at all. However, if I were doing it again now I would go for a much smaller do. Or maybe even elope.

@Calvinsmam yes we're a pair of extroverts who would revel in a good party. I've spent since yesterday desperately looking at a way to make a middle ground party / buffet type event work. So many hiring spaces in London are tied to expensive per head catering companies it's so frustrating!! The church is East London so am also looking at Essex as that's very close. Wish me luck!

@BrightStarrySky thanks for the encouragement... head or heart which will win :)))

Honestly it sounds like you want a big wedding. You are resisting the have a party not a wedding idea and I think that’s because you actually want a big wedding, there’s nothing wrong with that!

Go have fun.

Yeah it’s not the most sensible thing to do with your money, but if you enjoy it then so what?

Just make sure you have a relaxed one and don’t expect it to be perfect, things will go wrong, as is life.

Well obviously doesn't cost as much if someone else paying 🙄

I think you have to be careful pulling in favours, especially if it’s that persons job in real life. When people say ‘my sister did the cake so it was free’ well not for your sister it wasn’t. Making a cake for that many people is really hard and stressful and the ingredients are expensive.
I also have a friend who’s a professional photographer and he hardly ever just gets to just be a guest at a wedding.
If you pay them or it’s a skills exchange fair enough but I don’t think just getting someone else to do the work counts as a money saving tip.

Lots of varied replies, but I think it's very important to remember that these figures can't be compared like-for-like. You have to consider when the money was spent and take inflation into account.

For example someone says they spent 7,000 in 1991 - that's just short of 15,000 in today's economy. Paints quite a different picture comparatively!

Calvin

I've made the favours for one friend's wedding, and the cake for my sister's wedding.

My sister gave £20 for cake ingredients, that I wouldn't have asked for now, and didn't cover the cost. I was still totally happy to take part, and am really proud of what I made for her.

For my friend, I only asked her to pay for the tulle bags for the truffles I made - about a fiver.

I loved contributing, and quite frankly, enjoyed the smug glow of people coming up to me to tell me how much they liked them! One of her friends tried to 'book' me, thinking I was a pro!

I think the key is 1) people offering, 2) being ready to accept whatever they do for your with absolute grace and gratitude, 3) making it as easy for them as possible.

Our wedding was around £20k (including honeymoon), I don't regret it and we could afford it.
If I could go back in time and change a few things to save money I probably would (I'm looking at you massive evening buffet which got ignored!), but in the grand scheme of things it wouldn't have saved a huge amount.
I LOVED my wedding, was by far the best wedding I've been to and I've been to more expensive and much cheaper ones too.
Ultimately it comes down to your priorities, for us we wanted to be able to have as many people we love as we could afford and we worked around that. We also wanted our guests to have a good time (good food, free drink, entertainment etc). Others are happy to have just a few key people and a much fuss which is also fine, but for me I would have felt a bit sad that it wasn't a big event! I'm hoping I only do it the once!

I LOVED my wedding, was by far the best wedding I've been to and I've been to more expensive and much cheaper ones too.

Lots of people tend to think that about their own wedding funnily enough

We had 20 people at our wedding. Then a year later had a massive 120 people party. Was perfect.

*much less fuss

@Villainess I did think that as I wrote it, but it's still true

cat

It’s totally fair enough if you offer and enjoy doing it, I also imagine that because you do it for other people they are willing to do it for you.

But it doesn’t work as a universal money saving tip, and it’s really annoying that when it comes to weddings people seem to think that you should do your job for free as a favour and then claim they’ve discovered a great way to save money.

I've just thought - I've been to many a big wedding as a guest and looking back I regret it.

I spent money and time I couldn't afford and in most of those cases have drifted apart from the couple over time.

It must be weird for them to have me in their wedding photos (if they are even still together to occasionally leaf through them - who knows?)!

You will enjoy the party, and that’s fab. What a wonderful excuse for a party and to get everyone together. Nothing wrong with that. But focus on that and trim out all unnecessary costs, as they are what you will regret.
Things you do not need to throw a good party (but the wedding industry can make you think you do)

• lots of ushers in matching suits - have one or two max, or do away with suits and make the day less formal
• pricey bridesmaid dresses (high street has plenty of options)
• fancy wedding cars
• expensive invitations (just email everyone even, that way it is free!)
• favours and thank you gifts etc
• a band and a Dj- pick one or the other
• a stupidly expensive cake - just get one from M&S
• a really expensive wedding dress - try the high street or second hand
• loads of flowers/ decorations etc. People are just glad to see each other!

You get the gist. Focus on the party, and keep the cost of the “stuff” right down.

Calvin

I think this is a bit of a modern thing though? Certainly in those classes that wouldn't have had servants doing the whole shebang!

My parents much preferred that our wedding was 'muck in for a family party' chilled affair, and a lot of the older guests said that in spite of the grand-looking venue, it was a lot more like 'old timey' village hall weddings, where people would be a lot more involved in putting on the wedding 'communal style'.

As it was, we were fighting off assistance with both hands! And we sent away most guests with a box of wine or beer bottles (I told my husband it was way too much booze, and thus won myself the first 'told you so' of the marriage!), so I don't feel too guilty about the help!

I don't regret any penny spent on my wedding, but we had a lovely honeymoon too. Yes, we could have used 20k for something else, but I am glad we didn't. It was an amazing day.

You could have a small intimate cheaper wedding, go on honeymoon, and have a party when you come back. Things are ridiculously cheaper when you don't pronounce the word wedding.

I totally agree with the cutting down of unnecessary stuff. I'm in a bridal group on Facebook and the amount extra things people are spending their money on is astounding. Someone spent loads of money getting personalised tissues made for each guest (a bit presumptuous that everyone will cry at your wedding!) and 'hangover kits' full of random crap that no one really wants. All of these extra bits add up and let's be honest, who remembers those kinds of things looking back at weddings? No one cares what the chairs look like (I hate chair covers!) and usually favours get left behind on the tables unless they are edible.

We had an inbetween wedding for 40 people, for £6000 including honeymoon, but could have done it cheaper if needed. It was perfect, hired a small licenced venue, buffet lunch, lawn games and evening DJ. Most of our budget went on venue and photography.

For me small and intimate was far less stress than anything bigger, I wouldn't have enjoyed it because I would find it so stressful to plan everything, and of course it would all end up with me. Much rather have a once in a lifetime holiday as a honeymoon, or put the money towards a house