To ask if you regretted Wedding spend?

[FeelingFlat]

I'm getting married this year (date quite set can't do another time or year)

I'm completely stuck on type of wedding.

I have two options-

Small immediate family, lunch after that may or may not spread into drinks into the evening.

Big white traditional wedding with most extended family and friends invited at a cost of approx £20k (more likely to tip over than under 20k)

Whilst we can afford the big wedding it would literally leave us on zero savings.

Heart says big wedding, head says small.

Has anyone ever had regrets after a small or big wedding?! Wished you had done the opposite afterwards?

To not drip feed and to make this easier please understand that there's no inbetween wedding or budget we would be happy with despite looking at many options.

Help me decide

It depends. Do you own your home? Are you both high earners? Do you have or plan to have children? If you can easily save up another £20k within a year or two and it won’t interfere with any other plans you have, go for the big wedding otherwise stick to a smaller one.

We spent 22k but didn’t need to dip into savings or debt for that.
I honestly would do it so differently if I had to do it again, it was a lovely day it really was, but it wasn’t worth 22k
I would love to hire a barn, a band, a hog roast and have it much more informal.

Spent less than £100 on our wedding. Don’t regret a thing!

We went small, no fuss. Cost £200 for the registry. Got my booze for free from friends in the wine trade. Party at home. Buffet. Invites went out on fb, and anyone could bring anyone they liked, no rules. Lots of drinking, lots of dancing, a big party with all my favourite people. No speeches,no stress or first dances or anything myself and dh would have hated. I can say with utter confidence, no one had a worse time at our wedding than at any of the £30k ones. In fact, some friends still say ours is the only one they remember as the others all merged in to each other.

We had around 50 as that's all the gorgeous register office could hold then a free bar and Chinese banquet. Dress, flowers, M&S invitations and no favours/cake kept the costs to 2.5k. It was fabulous and I would do it again in a heart beat. My friend's cost 30k and she said mine was far more enjoyable.

We had a great day but I wouldn’t spend the money we did, if we could do it again. It cost us about £13k but £2k of that was lost deposits as we sadly had to change our plans due to my dad’s ill health.

I would still have all the same people there (about 50 family and friends - we only have VERY have small families so this was all our family and close friends) and then had more in the evening but would find a way to do it cheaper but still lovely.

It was a lovely day because of the people who were there celebrating with us. It was very special having all the people we love in room with us helping us to celebrate. It was a tough day emotionally (dad’s ill health) and the support from our friends was fantastic.

I’d still find a way to save some money on it.

We spend about £4k on the honeymoon which was amazing. We got a fantastic deal - I like to think someone was looking out for us when we came to book that, thinking we deserved an amazing honeymoon after such a difficult few months

Don’t spend all your savings in a wedding. You just dont know what is around the corner. Have a small do and have the financial security moving forward. You will still be just as married and it is just a day.

What do people actually like at weddings?

They want to not have to travel far, not have to pay to stay over night, to get fed on time, cheap booze, good music, and no standing around for hours.

I don’t care about the expensive extras, just throw a good party.

Small definitely

There are so many more exciting fun things you could do with the money! Imagine the holidays you could have, what you could do to your house or garden. Or you could invest it in an ISA and pay your child's university fees up front. So many things! But then big weddings leave me completely cold. We had a brilliant small one and never wanted anything else.

I’m getting engaged next month and following this thread with interest to give me ideas for my own wedding we already have a date in mind for next August I’m leaning towards a small intimate church wedding and we will only have a budget of £1k I think it’s doable hopefully.

Mine was 200 people, around 22k, paid for by my parents but that was because they wanted the entire extended family invited and is only wanted immediate family only and a small registry office ceremony. The day was fine, enjoyable, didn't really speak to anyone properly as trying to talk to everyone. Far too stressful to organise and inwosh I'd stood my ground and had the smaller one we'd wanted originally.

Thanks so much everyone. Yes it's a case of immediate family only (at approx 35 guests!) or friends, friends partners and slightly extended family. This would be 100 adults/120 people in total.

To feed everyone at a pretty standard venue with music, some free drinks for dinner and a toast plus canapés and late night snacks (plus photographer, ceremony, outfits, flowers) it just seems that a 'standard' wedding (minus any extras like fireworks or photo booths I'm not including any of that) in London is about £20k for 100 people.

Just such a shame it's coming out at that much money as I feel like I'm grieving the event I thought I'd have. I'm aware that sounds incredibly childish but the thought of not having a first dance or to be surrounded by all of our friends seems such a shame but no matter how I've tried to cut the budget (with location restrictions and a relatively short timeframe to organise) I can't get less than 20k!

I had a “middle ground” wedding. But like everything, it also depends on how much it would take you to save £20k. For most people, that’s a pretty huge sum that would be better spent on a house deposit.

The way I thought about my wedding wasn't in the way of big or small, it was in the way of "would I ordinarily buy this couple dinner and get them drunk"? A friend told me the idea.

Ultimately it helped us whittle people down to who we really wanted to be there and it was the best day ever!

I don't think I'd go big and leave myself without savings, but only you know what you're comfortable with. The most important thing is it's what YOU (and DP) want. It's your day.

Do you need everyone there for the whole day?
I know that Mumsnet are funny about evening guests but it doesn’t bother me at all.
Have a small ceremony then a party after with a buffet and invite everyone there with that as the main event.

I also (username is apt) feeling like I'm likely to have some sort of resentment either way! I will either be skint but with wonderful memories or have money in the bank and may find myself sat back on my sofa by 8pm on the day I got married 😩

'I don’t care about the expensive extras, just throw a good party.'

Amen.

That seems to get lost sometimes at weddings.

You could think outside the box though and have everyone there but a cheaper do? I don't understand why you don't think you can? Xx

I'm not against splurging 20 grand in savings, I just think there are much more fun ways to spurge that 20 grand other than buying 100 people an okay three course dinner.

£200 a head sounds crazy expensive.

We had a fairly low key wedding...maybe would have gone for a nicer venue if doing it again...but overall it was ok.

What would you wish you had done in 10 years time? Have memories + no money.. .or money but still grieving for the wedding day you didn't get?

We spent over 20k on our day, we had 100 guests. Absolutely our dream day and exactly how we'd imagined it, I wouldn't change it!

Having said that we had a house, savings etc. If that hadn't been the case then we would've had small intimate wedding. I'm sure it will be just as perfect!

@Fr3d if I could answer that question I'd be pleased, I wish I had a magic ball ;))

It's not necessarily £200 per head on food and drink but longer for the photographer, a band then a dj, minimal decorations for the venue, I'd have nieces as bridesmaids and DP would have ushers and best men so suits to be hired.

I loved my big wedding - but I didn't pay for it.

I certainly wouldn't have spent all my savings on it!

Personally no I haven't regretted a penny spent and the reason for that is we spent as little as possible but made it as lovely as possible.
I think a 'big white wedding' is just ridiculous, IMO it's to show off and that's it. They are also so boring, it's a lot of sitting about in between anything happening and being sat at tables with either people you don't know or quite possibly you don't like.
We have children and I wouldn't dream of spending such ridiculous amounts of money on one day when it could go into savings for our children
Open to be flamed, do not care.