To ask if you regretted Wedding spend?

[FeelingFlat]

I'm getting married this year (date quite set can't do another time or year)

I'm completely stuck on type of wedding.

I have two options-

Small immediate family, lunch after that may or may not spread into drinks into the evening.

Big white traditional wedding with most extended family and friends invited at a cost of approx £20k (more likely to tip over than under 20k)

Whilst we can afford the big wedding it would literally leave us on zero savings.

Heart says big wedding, head says small.

Has anyone ever had regrets after a small or big wedding?! Wished you had done the opposite afterwards?

To not drip feed and to make this easier please understand that there's no inbetween wedding or budget we would be happy with despite looking at many options.

Help me decide

@FeelingFlat that sounds like a perfect celebration. Means you have time just with close family as well as a big party, so a lovely balance.

How much to spend on a wedding depends on your circumstances and wishes. From the sound of it you want the big wedding but don't want to spend £20k so some compromises need to be made. Go for afternoon wedding with a buffet instead of sit down meal. Don't have fresh flowers go for maybe one nice display and small artificial hand made arrangements. My daughter did that and saved a fortune. She also did not bother with expensive photography package. Just the basic package and friends/relatives took video. Believe me you rarely look at them afterwards.

We spent about 15k. It was mainly paid for by us and we did not get into any debt. We had 120 guests and it was barn wedding. We splurged on good wine and extras like transportation for guests and babysitting. Food was buffet style but delicious and plentiful (fresh from the farm). Many, many people told us it was the most fun they’d ever had at a wedding! I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

People suggesting a party in the church hall - bear in mind that alcohol may not be allowed. Some denominations don't allow alcohol on the premises, so always check first!

We had a small wedding with only parents at the registry and never regretted it. I do not want to spend £20k for one day. I will keep that as a house deposit because that is staying with you forever. We managed to be mortgage free in our first home when our second child arrived. It means so much to be able to afford my second maternity leave easily. We also moved to our second home at the end of the maternity leave using our first home as a deposit.

One of thr worst wedding I've been at cost 120k, 3500 guests. Impersonal, memorable for all the wrong things and bride and groom didnt focus on them but on how they looked to the guests. Sad.

Shoe string wedding, 27 years ago. Everybody had a great time. I'm told, years later, it was lots of people's favourite. It just all fell into place.

Surely it should be a question of if you have x,000 available and not needing to be spent on anything else then it's fine to spend it. If you don't then you have to cut your cloth and moderate expectations.

I have an acquaintance who has now been engaged for nearly three years. If anyone inquiresnabout the wedding hysteria rises about the savings and the expectations of big families especially if one dares mention having a small "do" and telling them.

I find it hard to believe that large ordinary families think £20k + weddings are the norm. It is so sad id this potential bride feels she needs that sort of wedding because other friends have had similar. This couple also bought a flat 4 years ago with a large deposit from his side. Between them they are on £90k and no children. One starts to worry whether the need for a humongous wedding and cost and organisation issues are an excuse not to get married on the basis that if they did actually want to be married rather than have a wedding, getting married can be done quickly, easily and simply.

Wedding 1: Church wedding, fitted dress (mid price), cake, 1 bridesmaid, 3pm wedding, 5 pm meal, no evening buffet, pretty cheap venue, photographer, 50 guests, evening disco, pay bar, vintage car.

Regret - venue and no evening buffet (really should've put more effort into the whole thing). I am so embarrassed now looking back although was happy at the time. I genuinely thought that as people were having an evening meal they wouldn't need anything else. No one complained about being hungry (it as a good meal) and they sold crisps and snacks behind the bar but...grim!

Wedding 2: married at posh country hotel, 5 pm wedding, canapes and champagne afterwards, private dining room for us + 21 guests, no speeches, no cake, all drinks paid for + we provided transport to and from nearby (cheaper) hotel where all of the travelling guests were staying, photographer. We drove ourselves there. Main entertainment was a multi-course meal (with choices) and lots of nice wine (or whatever guests preferred), cheap wedding dress bought in haste 10 days before. Guests were both sets of parents, sibling and sibling in law on both sides and the rest were friends.

Regret: my dress - it looks fine in some of the photos but in others it is quite unflattering (especially as it was strapless and I had faint tan lines!). I should've made the effort to lose 7-10 lbs too...

Both cost about the same but I think in wedding two the money was much better spent. Both would've been better if we had spent about 20% more on them (wedding 1 for a buffet and wedding 2 for a nicer dress).

If I could go back in time I would definitely do wedding 2 again but with a nicer dress. I think in today's money we would need approx £8K for it. I especially recommend getting married as late as possible in the day and not dragging it out to be a whole day affair.

I love a party but spending all my 20K savings on a wedding wouldn't be my bag at all. If I was going to jizz my savings in one go I'd rather spend it on an epic honeymoon. Or a year's worth of great city breaks. The sad thing is that there's no guarantee that sum would provide a particularly memorable wedding anyway. Especially in London.

Had an expensive wedding 15 years ago and, yes, do have some regrets about expense. Some things were definitely excessive and, if I did it all again, I'd rethink:
Expensive dress
Expensive BM dresses
Too much food at evening buffet (was worried about people being hungry - bit daft after canapes, 4 course dinner)
Would have had band or DJ, not both.

i would never have said this before getting married but small wedding all the way! Go on an amazing honeymoon afterwards. 18 months in and we are still in debt (we moved house and had a baby straight after so the debt isn't really from the wedding but if we hadn't spent so much we wouldn't still be in debt now)

I had a smaller wedding with around 70 but that was mainly family anyway. We managed to do it for around £3000 and it was just what we wanted.

Hello. Man Here. I spent a lot on our wedding as it's what my wife wanted and I wanted to make her happy. Did I resent it? No. Do I think the money could have been better spent elsewhere? Very much so. All I would say is, regarding wedding spend, make sure that you and your husband to be are on the same page regards the expenditure.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing! I had a great wedding but if I was to do it all again I think I would go for a small, casual wedding with just a few close friends and family and have the £40-50K knocked off my mortgage 15 years ago.

Hello. Woman here. My husband wanted to spend way way more than I did on our wedding as he wanted a big day. So just make sure you actually talk to your husband and don’t just put your hand in the purse without asking.

Absolutely agree. It wasn't a Man v Woman thing, more that it's important that both parties are on the same page to prevent any potential regret/resentment.

I would always say go for the smaller, more relaxed wedding. But it's up to you of course