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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask my friend to stop discussing her period in front of DD?

70 replies

WeirdTalk · 20/01/2019 21:49

Am I unreasonable that I don’t want my friend constantly discussing her period in front of my children and DP?

I have a friend who I’ve known for a number of years. Lately (well, the last few years) she’s become quite obsessive about certain things and Will develop strong opinions about them. One of the latest is that we’re all too shy about discussing periods and that women need to talk more openly about them. Only, it seems that she now needs to discuss periods at every opportunity, even if not really relevant at all.

I have three DDs, the oldest is 6. I haven’t really had any need to discuss periods with her yet, though she has seen me getting tampons/pads out and buying them. She hasn’t asked any questions so I don’t feel it’s necessary to mention anything just yet. My friend will say things like ‘just going upstairs to change my sanitary towel’ or ‘my period started today’. My DP has mentioned to me that’s he finds it a bit odd and that he isn’t sure why we all need to know which I tend to agree with. I really feel that she’s trying to push her views on us and I don’t know how to ask her to stop. If the comments were in context (i.e. in relation to an actual conversation we were having) then I wouldn’t care too much.

So am I weird in that I tend to just get on with my period without really making an issue of it or is she being a bit odd enforcing this idea that we are doing it all ‘wrong’ in our family?

OP posts:

sphinxa · 20/01/2019 21:52

YABU She's not being graphic. Periods shouldn't be dirty taboo.

Stuckforthefourthtime · 20/01/2019 21:54

Your friend is being weird, perhaps it's best to be specific and note how often she's talking about it. I'm from overseas where we are more open. About bodies in general but this still wouldn't come up regularly.

Separately though, has DD never been in the bathroom with you and seen a pad? No harm in mentioning it to her in a brirf and factual way, better she hears from you than friends (or your odd friend!)

Kindofnewtothis · 20/01/2019 21:54

I completely agree with your friends opinion that periods shouldn't be a taboo subject, however it does seem that she is trying to be a bit off with it.
I never say I'm going for a shit so why would I ever say I'm going to go and change my sanitary towel. Just say I'm popping to the loo and piss off ugh.

gateto · 20/01/2019 21:54

50/50 on this one. If shes bringing it up for the sake of it then I don't really see the point, but at the same time if she wants to there's no real reasoning behind you asking her to stop. As PP said it shouldn't be taboo. I would go along with it and eventually she will phase out of mentioning it as often I'm sure!

missmouse101 · 20/01/2019 21:55

Oh op I agree with you. Absolutely no need for everyone to know every detail! It's attention grabbing nonsense.

Gillian1980 · 20/01/2019 21:56

Yabu.
It sounds like she mentions it in passing rather than giving a graphic account.
It’s part of being a girl / woman and your girls hearing it as part of general conversation helps to normalise it.

Ikeameatballs · 20/01/2019 21:56

Whilst I agree that they should not be taboo it’s not something I’d particularly comment on to a friend eg “I started my period today” would leave me feeling a bit “so what?” unless she had problematic periods/was ttc/some other background issue.
Having said that it wouldn’t bother me enough to ask someone not to talk about it either.

CoffeeRunner · 20/01/2019 21:57

Hmm, well personally I’d probably just say I was going to the loo rather than specifically to change my sanitary towel. But then I wouldn’t specify whether I was going for a poo or a pee either! Some people would.

I don’t think what she’s doing is actually wrong or harmful, just something most of us aren’t used to. There really is no reason periods should be taboo is there? Maybe being open about things like this might actually help your DDs to grow up not being afraid of starting their periods?

Auntiepatricia · 20/01/2019 21:57

Just keep announcing ‘just going upstairs to do a big poo!’ And ‘the wee just poured out of me’ etc. And if she flinches just say how we tied people are about such natural bodily functions.

Chickychoccyegg · 20/01/2019 21:58

friend is being a bit weird, surprised your dd has never seen you changing your sanitary products, or asked questions though, def better to start now, so it doesn't become taboo

Drum2018 · 20/01/2019 21:59

Seriously, who announces they are going to change their pad? I'm going to the loo is sufficient information. While it's fine that she's comfortable talking about periods it's also perfectly understandable that your Dp is not. So with that in mind just tell her straight out that you really don't need to know when she has her period so can she just stop mentioning it. Would it be ok if she said she was going up to your bathroom for a shit? No it wouldn't so this is no different.

elle1111112 · 20/01/2019 22:00

YABU She's not being graphic. Periods shouldn't be dirty taboo

Really?? They shouldn't be taboo but I don't really want to hear about it just like I don't want to hear about bowel movements.

Gotyourback · 20/01/2019 22:00

I agree OP. Although I do think periods shouldn't be a taboo subject, it's a perfectly normal bodily function. But so is doing a poo ...I wouldn't announce to my friends I was off to take a shit, especially in front of their children or husband.

It's a private thing, no need for discussion. I sometimes confide in my friends about them as mine can be horrendous but I wouldn't share with her husband or chicken lol. Awkward.

Maelstrop · 20/01/2019 22:01

Is your DP not uncomfortable with this too? I’d tell her to stop, there’s no need for tmi every time she goes to the blasted loo!

Original poster

WeirdTalk · 20/01/2019 22:03

Well DD is 6 and I hadn’t had a period for a while until the last 2 months as I had been pregnant/breastfeeding and then the same again! So really, I doubt she would have taken much note when she was 3 when I last really had regular periods. Having said that, 2 weeks ago she came into the bathroom and my period had started and there was a stain on my underwear so I just explained what it was. It was a bit of a non event, she just shrugged and passed me a sanitary towel from the drawer...

OP posts:

StoppinBy · 20/01/2019 22:17

I agree with you.

We are very open in our house, my daughter who is 5 is well aware that I have periods and that when she is bigger she will get them too (she once told my husband 'I have my period on' when she was about 4, took him forever to realise that she had pinched one of my pads and unfortunately stuck it to herself rather than her undies lol, glad I wasn't home to sort that one out), it's a part of life, no biggie.

I actually suggest you tell your children sooner rather than later in case they start periods early but it's your place to do so and if my friends started talking about periods in front of my kids I wouldn't like it one little bit.

TheDowagerCuntess · 20/01/2019 22:23

surprised your dd has never seen you changing your sanitary products, or asked questions though

Neither my DS not my DD have seen me changing sanitary products. Is that so strange?! Why would they?

And why would a 6YO ask questions about periods - they don't even know what they are to ask about.

My DD is a couple of years older and knows about periods because I raise it, and talk to her about them. But she has never seen me change sanpro, and she never asked me about periods specifically, either.

Original poster

WeirdTalk · 20/01/2019 22:23

I think it’s the assumption that my way is wrong and the assumption that I haven’t explained things to DD that annoys me. I haven’t specifically told friend how/what I’ve explained to DD because it isn’t relevant (friend has no children so it’s not like we’re giving mutual advice). But likewise, if I’d chosen not to discuss periods with DD then surely that’s my decision to make.

With regards to DP... he finds it a bit odd but quite amusing! He’s not massively interested in my periods one way or the other and isn’t sure why he needs to hear that she’s passed clots, what day she started, whether or not it stopped her going swimming or which brand of sanitary towel she’s using

OP posts:

Amanduh · 20/01/2019 22:23

It’s a bit ott but I do think periods need to be talked about more in general.

Sethis · 20/01/2019 22:28

If you have a problem with something a friend is doing, then tell your friend.

I'd greet "I started my period today" with roughly the same level of interest as if someone said "I've got a bit of a cold today" so I'd say something nice and noncomittal like "Oh, that's a shame, take it easy for a bit" and then crack on.

It might be abnormal but abnormal isn't inherently wrong. I'm not sure equating it to bowel movements is doing women any favours.

TenForward82 · 20/01/2019 22:29

I would say "my period stayed today" as code for "I'm feeling a bit shit, give me chocolate and coffee" but announcing you're going to the bathroom to change your sanitary towel is just odd.

AcrossthePond55 · 20/01/2019 22:31

I think if it's normal conversation, no problem. But I don't think it needs to be the focus of a conversation per se.

If someone said "I started my period, to you have a tampon/pad I can have?" that's fine. But "I am going to the loo to change my pad/tampon" out of nowhere, that's a bit out of place. I mean, I wouldn't announce whether I was going for a wee or a poo, just that I was going to the loo. So why would I specify I was going to change my tampon? Not that I need to anymore, I'm postmenopausal (see...inserting unnecessary facts is annoying).

DoneLikeAKipper · 20/01/2019 22:32

Really.

Do you know the poster from a couple of weeks ago, who joined just to tell us a very similar story, but it was about her step-daughter ‘oversharing’ rather than a ‘friend’? Sounds like you’d get along a treat.

Original poster

WeirdTalk · 20/01/2019 22:35

@donelikeakipper... nope. Not entirely sure what you mean since I haven’t read the thread. Sounds like you’re being nasty for no apparent reason,

OP posts:

GB54 · 20/01/2019 22:35

YABU. I wish we could be more vocal about periods.

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