My sisters about to transition

[Moominfan]

I'm absolutely devastated. It's such a long term decision. They're only 18 and still figuring themselves out. Originally went to gp who forgot to do referral so it bought us some more time. She's now going down the private route and has an appointment Monday. I've really tried to keep my opinions to myself as didn't want them to feel they had to rebel against the rest of us. Was hoping life would distract them, driving lessons, travel, uni ect but their adamant they want to go through with it.

Quite flash

Absolutely not anti-trans. That's one the huge myths.
Nobody objects to being trans, but they have concerns about the protections for young people who may or may not feel they are trans, and also about what rights should be afforded to transpeople when they potentially conflict with other rights.
Not only that, there is a lot concern about how some people might use the 'guise' of trans to abuse others. That's not necessarily trans people, just exploiting the opportunity to claim to be trans to do bad things in protected spaces.

It's absolutely not 'anti'. Mumnet consists of some a wide rage of people, with different views. Some individuals might be anti, but if they exist, they are few and far between.
Plenty express a range of concerns, but that's not 'anti'.

Not much you can do op. if they are an adult and have capacity to make decisions. Stand by with dustpan and brush. Hope they will be happier and you can come to accept it, counselling may help you, it is a loss.

Midge, dysmorphia or dysphoria?

GUess from the context? Sorry about my spelling.

The potential links between autism and gender dysphoria have been widely reported on. Over a third of the under-18s treated by the NHS Tavistock Clinic since 2011 are described in one report as exhibiting “moderate or severe autistic traits”.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6401947/How-NHS-childrens-transgender-clinic-buried-fact-372-1-069-patients-autistic.html

Sorry, hit post too soon.

What those reports suggest are either that either a) autistic people are more likely to suffer from gender dysphoria, or b) potentially vulnerable people are being steered down that road because they do not “conform”.

I know which I believe to be more likely.

The problem with that is that correlation and causation are not the same thing. So for instance it could be that Gender Dysphoria exhibits many of the same symptoms as Autism, thus causing both to be diagnosed.
It could also be that something else triggers both, rather than one triggers the other.
Then there's the possibility that by associating the two, someone with autism might then be misled into thinking the thoughts they have are related to being the wrong gender, when in reality they might just be normal 'wonder what it might be like to be the other sex' - which is a pretty normal thing to wonder sometimes.

It's fascinating though, and what I've said doesn't mean there isn't a link!

haha, I posted my response before you added your second post.
Similar concerns...

I think 18 is too young, let alone 14 or 15 like my DD1’s friend. He is FTM and had top surgery in the past 6 months and is on testosterone therapy. I have a hard time with this due to his age, no matter how certain he is.

Can’t believe that flash got deleted
Pathetic censorship of a perfectly valid viewpoint.

Why, what did Flash say? Not sure. Read it, then scrolled by.
Experience on here says that reporting anything is likely to not get deleted unless it is out and out blatant.

Basically that humans can’t change sex I believe

Moominfan.

You sound very concerned for your sister and the problems facing her. She is young and while it is her decision, her decision will affect your family, her friends for the rest of your lives. She will be on hormone therapy which can cause health risks and there are always possible risks with any form of surgery.

Expecting family members to unquestioningly support transition is not fair. If you can support and wish to support then it is your decision if you provide that support. To demand support from people who are concerned about your sister and the complications, problems, mental health issues and regrets, which may be a result of transition, is selfish.

You have every right to be scared, concerned and not agree with her decision but she’s an adult and it is her decision. Yes she might well regret it but that’s the risk we all take when making a decision.

You don’t even have to support her decision but the price you might pay for not acknowledging her right to make this decision is having a less close relationship.

At the end of the day, Is your objection more important than your relationship with her?

What did flash say?

Very good point agent, just struggling to stick a smile on my face like rest of family

Flash said that humans can’t change sex they wlll be an approximation if their chosen sex only. Or words to that effect.

I’m dealing with this and believe me it’s wrecking the family.

I agree with flash which is a massive bone of contention

I hear you op. You are entitled to your feelings and opinion. Don’t let all the ‘cool’ people on here make you doubt that.
You may be better posting in feminist chat to get some support. Lots of others in same position.

Nothing to do with "being cool"

Just people saying that it isn't OP's decision to make, it isn't about her.
You either support and let them know that you're there, or risk losing them altogether.

You either support and let them know that you're there, or risk losing them altogether.

Those are not the only two choices. Human relationships and families are much more complicated than that. Also, feelings and relationships can change over time.

OP might not feel able to support her sibling at the moment, but they may be able to maintain contact and develop new a way of relating as time goes by.

Have you read the open letter thread from the Translady. Leanne I think.
Food for thought and maybe something to help with a discussion.

Please don't assign an intention to my words that isn't there.

I did suggest the OP get therapy. I did so because the transitioning relative is over 18 and therefore it's their decision, not the OPs, and the OP would benefit from having help working through their own emotions surrounding it. Whether the OP agrees or not, whether we all agree about the support systems offered to trans individuals, or choice of pronouns, or what the outcome of a transition really is -- it's not the OP's choice to make.

There is a sort of bereavement for the family when someone transitions; the person who existed prior to a transition is in a way, no longer there. There's grief and loss for the family, and a definite pain to letting go of the narrative family members build up for that person in their head.

That is what the OP can discuss with a therapist, not "how can I accept this decision?" because acceptance may never come -- that is one of the things the OP does have a measure of control over. It's not "what is wrong with me because I can't accept this", it's "How can I handle my own personal emotions around the transition and my relative?" It becomes particularly important if you don't agree with the decision to transition and at the same time you'd like to preserve a relationship.

OP, I get it. I know it feels like right now your niece is staking future happiness and making an enormous life decision based on something that has varying levels of success. It probably will, at some point, feel like they are SO OBSESSED with the idea of transitioning that it's become a fixation and you worry about what is going to happen when it's not the panacea you think they've built it to be in their minds.

I have been there. I've thought probably every awful thing you have and likely a few more. The only advice I can give to you is to find that impartial ear to help you process all of this, because you need to grieve and discover what it is you do have control over and how to bring that in line with how you feel -- and find your way forward from there.