To ask about the worst wedding you’ve been too

[Whereisthecoffee]

I’m planning mine and I could just ask for tips but instead I’m going to procrastinate and read stories.
Please share your stories !

A relative's 'hippy' festival style wedding in a field. Had to camp & it was freezing cold at night, so couldn't sleep (August in UK!)
They probably thought they were being so cool & alternative, but it was painful.
No showers to wash & got food poisoning from food, I guess because there were no fridges.
Plus I can't stand the bride, she's always been rude towards me.
Altogether hideous & couldn't wait for it to end.

We went to a wedding last year where the reception was held across two rooms that had sliding doors in the centre. It made one T shaped room with the head table across the top of the T. We were friends not family so were at the far end of the T. We couldn't hear the speeches and just didn't feel a part of the proceedings. This room was then used for a disco in the evening with the same effect. Like two seperate gatherings.

deadliftgirl

*@Fusiolixe You are just rude and did not provide anything positive to this discussion!

Fusioluxe did not even address you.

What did you add to the discussion? You wrote an essay, the longest post by far, about your wedding which you said everyone said was the best ever on a thread about bad weddings. Braggy and came across as desperate. Fusio comented that people say this to shut up the fishers. Others commented that they say it to be polite. I think people say it to everyone. They’re hardly going to tell you your personalised water bottle, providing confetti and tissue (because they would cry when they saw you?!) and “ice breakers” were naff are they?

Defensive much?!

Who suggested telling the guests to go for a McDonalds?!

Dearie me!

In general, a lot of weddings are like shitty day trips to hotels convenient for the motorways where you pick at a buffet while being told about sales targets, or new ways to annoy your customers, or the benefits of cloud computing (delete according to the sector you work in). Adding “ice breakers” (dear God) would complete the effect.

A map of local burger bars says “the food I will serve at the wedding is meagre and vile, so a Big Mac is a better bet”.

I assume deadliftgirl is planning an artful prank, because no one could have thought any of that was a good idea.

@IrmaFayLear "My worst evening reception was the one where it slowly dawned on dh and I that we were the only evening guests. When we arrived (after three-hour journey) "

I don't understand this. The journey I mean. Putting aside the fact that you were the only evening guests, I don't understand why anyone would travel an hour, let alone 3 hours, for an evening invite. I could understand if you were invited to the whole thing, but to travel for three hours for people who have made it clear you are second-class friends to them?

@ReflectentMonatomism

" I thought they meant “we are getting married, you aren’t invited, see you soon”."

That is basically what it means. It is an insult. I am so glad where I am, the weddings do not go all day and there is the ceremony and reception straight after where everyone is invited to the ONE reception. 6 hours from start to finish on average. These social class caste system weddings are outrageous, I know British are very polite but why do people take this? Why? I don't understand.

@RubiksQueen

"Are people really saying that any acquaintance who asks you to part of their wedding day is 'out of order' if they don't consider you as important as a family member?"

No, people are saying why not have ONE reception? Where I'm from, family, friends and guests ALL eat at the one reception (not 'breakfast' in the afternoon). There is no family going off to eat a sumptuous meal while telling guests to go elsewhere. The family, bridal party, relatives, friends and other guests ALL go to the ONE reception.

What myself and others are saying, is, why are TWO separate receptions even needed?

This was many years ago, SalemtheBlackCat, and also both dh and I had work colleagues where you were invited to evening reception and it was really just a party, with buffet and disco. No thought of being insulted about not being in the main event.

The wedding we travelled three hours to get to was because it was an old schoolfriend of dh's with whom he had been close. When we got there it immediately struck us that we were tenth-class guests and it was an insulting invitation, given that we were the only people there for the evening. Hence immediate cessation of contact!

Salem posters have explained to you that it's not uncommon to invite friends/work colleagues to an evening celebration. They have explained the reasoning behind this

anyone else think this needs to go in classics?

IMO, evening invites are about wanting to invite as many people as possible without spending much money. It's all about wanting to give the impression that you are soooo popular, while us also an excuse to get as many gifts as possible.

If I ever get married, having reached 50 and not done so yet, I won't have an evening do with separate guests, just a late afternoon wedding with a meal and evening do for all invited.

Worse wedding I went to was a midday ceremony at a small church, ceremony was 45 minutes. Okay so far. Reception venue was a 20 minute drive away in the middle of nowhere. Bride and groom emerged from church clutching glasses of prosecco and hopped into a luxury car and sped off to the venue leaving everyone just stood there and a bit confused. No transport for guests and no usher stating it was now time to go to the reception... Okay?
Arrived at expensive venue at 1.30pm and had 1 glass of prosecco then a very expensive paid bar. Photos took 4 HOURS and everyone stood about whilst a few canapés got passed around and no word of food. Some people hadn't eaten since 9am breakfast. Photos were 'family only' and neither the photographer or bride and groom were interested in none family photos so all the friends were awkwardly stood about not knowing what to do.
Speeches were at 5.30 which no one past the first tier of tables heard due to no microphones... meal served at 6pm by which everyone inhaled their food. Evening buffet came out at 8.3o which no one touches. One evening guest didn't have her dietary requirement (severe) catered for so had nothing to eat. Bride and groom spend the evening moaning at how early they had to get up and how tired they were. Went to bed at 9.45pm.

Just felt like a day with no consideration to the guests at all.

MulticolourMophead

Good point about the presents. The registry is the same for every tier guest!

Lovely venue, but the reception was held in same room that was used for the ceremony...apparently the B&G invited their B list guests as well as the A listers (by mistake) so there were pretty much double the number of guests...so the room change and set up took hours.

The gap between end of ceremony and actually eating was almost 5 hours and only one reception drink offered and no canapes. Bar was expensive.
It was a scorcher of a day and not enough shade on the patio for the rapidly growing number of drunk guests....

Tables so crammed together that there was a hairs breath between my chair and the other person's on the next table which made it interesting when we had to get back up and go to the buffet....

No drinks on the table, not even jugs of water so had to repeat getting up and out again to go to the bar!
Also, the buffet ran out of food for the last few tables.

@yumscrumfatbum are we related lol? As I had the exact same thing happen to me and my mum and nan....

One that was massive with loads of money thrown at it, with lots of the bride and grooms parents friends. The bride seemed stressed and was rushing around all day trying to get perfect photos / talk to all the randoms. Friends were on different tables and couples split up on the same table. Nothing about the wedding seemed personal or 'them' it was all about appearances and what her parents wanted.

One that involved the bride and groom going off around London getting pictures taken after the ceremony, the guests were left to their own devices in central London for 2 hours. The evening 'do' involved a stuffy military club with no music/atmosphere. Low key dinner then people started sloping off. Still no music, definitely no dancing.

The best weddings I've been to have been really focussed on what the bride and groom want, feels personal to them, and ideally includes minimal travelling around between venues, lots of booze and a great band or DJ on later

@myrtleWilson Actually, no. No one has explain why there needs to be two separate receptions. No one. You still missed my point. Why not have the ONE reception? Why 2? Why not just have the one and be done with it? Of course people invite work colleagues, but WHY can't everyone go to the one reception? Like I said, where I am everyone goes to the one reception. There is not morning/afternoon and then evening. There is just the ceremony and then reception (which includes main meal, dessert, cake, speeches, drink and dancing - all at the one place). No one has yet to answer why it makes sense to have TWO receptions for the one wedding, when just one will suffice?

With a lot of weddings I've heard of they have a 'tab' at the bar to a certain amount, then after that it is announced that the tab has been reached and it's now a cash bar. I think another way around it would be to reach an agreement with the bar that they do a special, e.g like a happy hour where drinks aren't free but are a bit cheaper than normal.

Can you imagine if there were two tier Christenings or funerals?!

It’s all about the cost let’s face it. Two tiers means you can’t afford to invite everyone.

Why not have the ONE reception? Why 2? Why not just have the one and be done with it? Of course people invite work colleagues, but WHY can't everyone go to the one reception? Like I said, where I am everyone goes to the one reception. There is not morning/afternoon and then evening. There is just the ceremony and then reception (which includes main meal, dessert, cake, speeches, drink and dancing - all at the one place). No one has yet to answer why it makes sense to have TWO receptions for the one wedding, when just one will suffice?

They usually come up with some guff that it's too expensive to have just the one reception with everyone and why should we pay for a meal for everyone blah blah blah. And now it used to be that evening guests were not expected to bring a gift but these days they get the same command to hand over money to pay for the couples' honeymoon as 'all day' guests.

We have started to decline a lot of wedding invites because the weddings are just so long. Hours and hours and hours. The ceremony is the shortest part and then there's just hours and hours.

Honestly enjoyed the one we went to where the B&G were Free Kirk of Scotland members. Ceremony, light lunch in the church hall straight after (plenty of food), then cake cutting, gave out slices to everyone and then it was all over. No 'fund our honeymoon with cash because we lived together' poems (although we did give them money) as a gift.

I think the other issue is outdated marriage laws in the UK (I love being British, but there's a lot of outdated elements here) so you can't legally marry after 6pm. So a lot of people opt for these boring lengthy weddings that drag on all day and night.

The two tier wedding thing is absolutely down to costs. Hiring rooms that seat 80 but can have 150 standing so you have evening standing guests. Spending the money on the main meal, cheap buffet for the evening. It’s the feeling you need to keep up with appearances but can’t afford to, instead of adjusting for what you can afford.

The two tier wedding thing is absolutely down to costs.
And that is partly due to the rip-off culture in the wedding industry. Everybody knows that you just have to mention the W word and prices magically double.

@senua definitely true.

I don't get the spite about evening receptions. People have a range of different relationships and yes will have a budget for their wedding (even if it doubles like the poster upthread )

It's not, to my mind, unreasonable to think I really get on with the gang at work but they're not close relationships. Adding another 30 people (just the work colleagues) to the ceremony and wedding breakfast with full meal etc would bust the budget, but inviting work colleagues, the guys you play squash with, the moms from NCT class that you're still in touch with since you had your first babies 7 years ag etc to join you as the celebrations move past the formal breakfast and into the evening doesn't offend me. I probably wouldn't travel cross country for an evening invite but have attended locally when work colleague etc - didn't feel second class but enjoyed a nice evening with friends.

Plus in the scenario of work colleagues it's highly likely they would have had a collection for a present regardless of attending the wedding in any capacity so not sure all B and G will be treating it as a cash cow.
If you think you've been sent an evening reception invite out of pity/duty/to fleece you and you don't want to attend. Don't