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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask about the worst wedding you’ve been too

816 replies

Whereisthecoffee · 20/01/2019 14:31

I’m planning mine and I could just ask for tips but instead I’m going to procrastinate and read stories.
Please share your stories !

OP posts:
ReflectentMonatomism · 21/01/2019 08:46

A thought occurs to me: if you are organising an event, and you find yourself having to explain to people why what you are doing is better than the usual solution, it probably isn’t, and the more you have to explain, the more likely you are wrong.

I say this, because for most social events they are the result of decades of evolution towards something that works, and the chances of you coming up with a better solution are low; also, part of the reason they work is that people arrive with expectations of how to behave.

Also, nothing is a tediously predictable as “quirky” things that are “creative”, in weddings as in theatre productions, restaurants and much else.

NicolaStart · 21/01/2019 08:55

Weddings are shot through with dreadful stuff though. Most of it as a result of patriarchal traditions.

I sit through the whole ‘man walks woman down aisle to give her away, while her mother sits in pew and groom doesn’t get given away’ stuff, listen to speeches by men, man talks about his Dd, man talks about the groom.

The worst moment was a wedding when I was a student and they included the ‘obey’ clause. But presumably this is very rare now if it is even legal?

Quirky innovation that frees us from this ‘traditional ‘ sexism: bring it on!

smurfy2015 · 21/01/2019 09:04

The bride was 90 mins late for the wedding ceremony (despite living less than a mile from church), while the groom and groomsmen were waiting one said something to the other, which led to a fist fight at the altar knocking stuff over and the flowers all over the ground,

The bride when she arrived and saw the state of the place on one side and where the groom had tissue up his nose to stem the bleeding and an ice pack on head to bring down bruising as was starting to appear so in frustration she punched him.

During the ceremony at some point someone on bride’s side said something and one of groom’s families punched them, I should also probably add here for timeline that this was a catholic wedding with mass, sermon and vows, choir the works so it was long in itself so with stops and starts took almost 2 hours.

Once the ceremony was finally over (as had been 90 mins behind to start) plus 2 fist fights and 1 punch.

So then they went thru the photos session in the church which took almost 90 mins and when arrived at reception venue, they had another hour in the hotel garden and about 30 mins inside the hotel in various areas.

15 mins to the reception venue but cos was close to ceremony venue I went home for almost 2 hours first as I knew was going to be a long day. I put pizza in the oven and ate it as knew dinner was going to be late,

The wedding was originally for 1pm, bride arrived at 2.30pm so ceremony over at 4.30pm, then 90 mins photos in church so 6pm allow 20 mins to reception venue as the limo went the long way around, 60 mins in hotel garden and another 30 mins for photo shoot inside the hotel.

There was a cup of tea offered on arrival and a biscuit. Nothing to break the fast for those who hadn’t eaten since before taking their place in the church for the start of the wedding so before 1pm

It was after 8pm when we got sitting down to the meal, majority were very drunk by then as while they were starving, the bar didn’t do anything except crisps and nuts which didn’t soak up the booze.

There had been 3 separate incidents during the photos of the families punching each other. The brides dress had blood stains down it from her nose, the groom and his side wasn’t much better both families fought among themselves and each other during the day.

The meal wasn’t good, the hotel had a good reputation and it was the only bad meal I ever had in it. Turns out the meal had been booked for 5pm and by the time we got the mains, it was just after 9.30pm as they decided to do speeches before the meal.. There was a very basic dinner on plates put in from of people, (no choice in what was given or option for extras)

It was announced by the couple in the evening that their little girl's chickenpox had just broken out and they tried to toast that. No one outside their own families responded as everyone else added up the crying toddler that had been lying on a made up bed in the corner that day but had also been in and around everybody the hotel didn’t actually do accommodation and was 8 miles out in countryside from nearest town. FFS

it was 10.45pm by the time the band got set up while tea/coffee was being served and clearance to allow people to dance however they were only booked to play till 1145pm as they charged more after 12 so they stopped at 11.45pm, the DJ had to wait for the band to dismantle, then he set up his speakers, lights and equipment, between the band and DJ it was 12.30 when music restarted and he was being paid till 1.30am.

There had been several more breakouts of smaller fights between the bride and grooms families during the night, and by about 12.45 things got even worse, a complete brawl broke out with tables, chairs flying, loads of damage to hotel, 2 people glassed and other injuries, which led to arrests of 20 people - all b&g family inc b&g

Very surprisingly given all that, the marriage is going well now; it will be 20 years this summer.

it was the worst wedding, I’ve ever been at based on there was so much violence, hanging around, long speeches, length of waiting for food which came in very limited portions, sick toddler with infectious disease that the parents knew about but it wasn’t obvious until it came out, lots and lots of fights, arrests, ambulances, entertainment was very limited and was an expensive place to buy drinks with no other food options for 8 miles, , bride and groom didn’t actually speak to guests and unless inside the immediate families we were all outsiders with no consideration for guests at all.

ReflectentMonatomism · 21/01/2019 09:05

Quirky innovation that frees us from this ‘traditional ‘ sexism: bring it on!

Absolutely. But “quirky” when it involve hula hoops, casinos and photo booths does nothing of the sort.

wtffgs · 21/01/2019 09:26

Mine BlushGrin

Jamiefraserskilt · 21/01/2019 09:31

Lovely setting, wealthy grooms family who called at the shots. Reception in a marquee in the grounds of their huge mansion. Four members of brides family and me allowed by his family. Eighty odd grooms family, ex girlfriends and friends. long gap between service and meal. After four hours we sat down to enjoy the starter. Very nice. Then waited ages for main course only to discover the starter was it. The next item out was a minuscule brownie with an ice gem sized blob of cream. In laws loudly discussing how much they had contributed whilst pointedly glaring at brides family. Long, and entirely inappropriate best man's speech detailing in lurid microdescriptions, his previous relationships with the ex girlfriends that were at the reception whilst groom grinned and winked and bride looked devastated.

We went down the chippy with the brides family in the end and had a great time eating chips whilst sitting on the wall in our finery.

NicolaStart · 21/01/2019 09:33

I quite like a photo booth, or did when they first came out!

Quirky is good when the marrying couple know what suits them, know how to achieve it to suit everyone, and have the right budget for what they want.

Crap is ‘must have fairy tale castle but it’s a term time weekday because that’s the only time we can afford it’, ditto every other variation that puts guests at huge expense and inconvenience. Like destination weddings.

londonrach · 21/01/2019 09:36

Invited to the evening part starting 7pm. Only thing provided was a disco. No drinks, not even water. No food. Think we left after an hour to get fish and chips. Friend who suck it out said some tiny sandwiches arrived at 9.30-10pm ish which lasted two minutes.

waterrat · 21/01/2019 09:56

The people who ran my wedding venue (they run a wedding a week all year long) told me that the most fatal mistake is early ceremony. They said they are often talking brides out of long gaps or even just long time standing around.

Early weddings even when booze etc flows generously just mean exhausted guests by about 8pm.....

AlexaAmbidextra · 21/01/2019 10:04

It seems to me that one of the biggest problems is champagne tastes and beer money.

PlumpSyrianHamster · 21/01/2019 10:07

Plenty of threads on here from bridezillas declaring that 'the caterers' told them to under cater to avoid waste. Or justify 1 canape and 1 sandwich per guest whilst they take 2 hours to have photos.

The two-tiered system has a lot to answer for because it's the reason why so many weddings have these huge gaps with no food in between and it's this pressure to have the identikit wedding form that causes lots of this.

BirthdayCakes · 21/01/2019 10:21

Mine was probably the worst wedding I've been to!

I wanted to be married but I didn't want a 'wedding' - my husband wanted the whole catastrophe BUT didn't want to pay for it so everything was kind of done on the cheap.. It just didn't work..

The best one I ever went to was - and I hate to say this - the most expensive. I guess it was stage managed by some kind of super professional. Everything went like clockwork. Everyone had just enough of everything (not too much/little food or alcohol - or dancing) and went home with that lovely peaceful what-a-lovely-day feeling..

My tip would be - elope. Failing that, be really really realistic about your budget. And quirky is fine - but make sure everyone knows what to expect.

BlackCatSleeping · 21/01/2019 10:53

I have to admit that I'd have loved to attend Pippa Middleton's wedding. As the family business is party planning and they had a pretty much unlimited budget, I bet it was pretty much perfection.

user1474894224 · 21/01/2019 11:48

Seriously stressing now about my wedding. Plan was arrive 2pm - tea, coffee, biscuits available. 2:30 Ceremony. 3:30 photos and pianist plays from now till dinner (drinks Available from now on.), 5pm canapes, 5:30 dinner (buffet BBQ, no seating plan), 6:30 kids entertainer, 9 bar shuts (alcohol packed away/glasses washes), 10:00 all finished and hall floor swept. - we have lots of kids coming. But is it too long before food? I was thinking guests would have lunch before coming then we serve tea/dinner....

WaxMyBalls · 21/01/2019 12:03

I'm a radfem, as the name probably gives away, but I must admit I'm still more peeved about weddings with insufficient food than I am about dad walking bride down aisle.

WaxMyBalls · 21/01/2019 12:04

I'd probs move the canapes forward maybe 30-45 minutes user?

Atalune · 21/01/2019 12:09

user your canapés are at the wrong time- they should be served while the pianist is playing and people are mingling having a drink.

They are currently too close to dinner.

user1474894224 · 21/01/2019 12:13

Thanks @Wax and @Atalune - I was thinking of them like a starter for the meal....but it does seem like a long time with nothing. (Our friends and family - and me - are fully capable of getting drunk and making a show of themselves without me failing to feed them whilst serving alcohol. Lol. )

twobetwobetwo · 21/01/2019 12:19

My concern user would be that whilst your wedding technically allows people to have lunch beforehand, if they are getting ready/travelling they may not have time. Definitely bring the canapés forward.

user1474894224 · 21/01/2019 12:27

I understand @twobetwobetwo - but we are really close to the town centre, many drive through take aways and restaurants, co-op type shops etc....so it isn't hard for people to find somewhere to eat lunch first (or bring a picnic - in fact I might put picnic venues on the information letter - good idea). Anyone with kids that doesn't feed them first will have very hungry kids...which would be horrible for them. I will definitely bring the canapes forward - but they are more of an afternoon snack than a replacement for lunch. Lol.

Haworthia · 21/01/2019 12:27

Yep - have the canapés and drinks served so the guests can mingle and chat and the photos can happen. If people are going to be standing around for a while before dinner, it’s best to feed them Wink

twobetwobetwo · 21/01/2019 12:30

I think that sounds fine User. Most people can last from breakfast until a mid afternoon snack if they don't get some lunch on the way, that will tide them over till the dinner. As you say, people with kids should know better anyway!

Snugglepumpkin · 21/01/2019 12:36

The suffragette wedding.
Bride, groom, bridesmaids & wedding decorations all in suffragette colours.
The hour long rant by the bride at her wedding dinner (she did the speech no best man allowed) about suffragettes & how she wasn't going to act like a wife or use some mans surname.

The fact that I only knew a very few people there & that apart from the bride & grooms family members who couldn't pretend they didn't know them, NOBODY seemed able to admit to having more than the most tenuous connection to either the bride or the groom.

Yes, her parents paid for the entire wedding, the brides mother was fuming.

thecatsthecats · 21/01/2019 12:39

I think the forthcoming wedding in Sept will be the worst. I prefer all weekend events where you can stay in the venue because you can actually enjoy the day of the wedding without travel faff.

Coming up I have:

In the Lake District (hometown, so far so good)
11am ceremony (bad)
1 hour to get there safely on time (worse)
Maybe 8am start to get ready, and have a GOOD breakfast because...
Dinner served at 4! Bastards.
Ends at 11. Ok. But another hour home, no taxis, no local hotels.
Bride doesn't want people to go out on the town after Hmm.

We found that by throwing a good day for people you have a good day yourself! We fed and watered everyone copiously Friday evening to Sunday morning, and everyone was so much enjoying the gluttony and relaxed schedule that they had a brilliant time. Nobody was cranky or hungry or tired.

thecatsthecats · 21/01/2019 12:42

If you aren't staying before or very nearby, 12 or 1pm ceremonies leave little room for lunch.

I mean, even a modest 30m drive means leaving 12.15, and having all your finery ready, and avoiding messing that up or eating even earlier.

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