AIBU for not telling DH my first love has returned?

[sarah2014]

Okay first thread so bare with me I’m new to all this but have no idea who else to ask
Long story short 10years ago I thought I met a guy I was madly in love with, first proper bf first intimate partner etc, we only dated for 2 years when we decided to marry, however one day way before the wedding day he TEXT me saying he doesn’t love me anymore, I took the break up really badly didn’t get into a relationship for a good 3 years after this (when I met current DH) for obvious trust issues
Met DH 3 years later we are now married with 2 kids everything is great, we have good steady jobs we own a lovely house and financially are settled.
Now out for the blue I get an email from my ex, he says he really really wants to meet me he’s tried searching for me on all social networks (I use my married name hence why he hasn’t found me) and he’s managed to get my email through an old acquaintance he didn’t mention who.
He explains he’s been in jail and did a lot of thinking and how he treated me and through all 10years it’s only ever been me he’s truly loved.
I haven’t replied
I haven’t told DH
What do I do?

The good news is that both blackmail and publishing nude images without a person's consent are illegal, sounds like he must have just loved prison if he's so keen to get back there. He's targeting you but hasn't been specific yet, so let your husband and family know that this guy is sending odd messages (best to show your DH everything so he knows he's in the loop and let him know about your fears, for family maybe keep it lighter) and block his email. If he escalates to actual threats by other means then call 101 for police help.

Definitely tell DH there’s a risk it will all go wrong otherwise. Tell him now before anything else happens.

Tell DH the w*** ex has been in touch and your a bit freaked by it.

You could have a bit of fun,
Oh those photos, they're tame, you should see what DH and I get up too. Now sod off i want nothing more to do with you. You had your chance and just about left me standing at the alter.

I’m concerned that this means enough to you to post it as a question.
You either still have feelings for this guy or want him to want you as a revenge thing.
The guy is a total dick
You are happy with DH and have a good life, do you want to fuck that up?
Tell DH,secrets are dangerous
Enjoy the feeling that Monsignor Slime Ass has come crawling back but ultimately PLEASE enjoy stomping it out for good

You haven't done anything wrong. Even the pictures.

Just tell your DH that he got in touch and you told him you weren't interested, be honest about what has actually occurred. You don't need to tell him about the pictures. Cross that bridge if you ever come to it. But if you don't give your ex any more attention he'll probably go away.

Ignore. Nothing good can come of this. Why would you want to sabotage your own happiness and your marriage?

Tell DH

Report to the Police for harassment

Block the twat

Tell anyone who twat might contact not to interact with him

“I think it is important to say that you do not want him to contact you again, so that should he pester by any other means or method you can go to the police & report this unwanted contact as harassment.
Certainly delete & block once that simple message has been sent.
You are in control of this situation.” Auntie

Rinse and repeat.

Sending you uninvited intimate footage of you has weaponised this contact. Now you have a far greater uncertainty about what he might do.

Send desist message.
Block him.
Do NOT delete messages for now because...

I suggest you contact the police for advice TODAY.
Get this matter dealt with as harassment.
Get police advice about retaining messages for future evidence.

Do not hide this from your DH.

“Sorry you’ve been in jail. I’m happily married, two great kids and a nice house. Bye!”

Tell your DH as it sounds like your ex is not going to leave you alone. Show him the messages and your reply asking ex not to contact you again.

Ok Auntie, reign it in...

I have just gone back & read OP posts this time to se “All implying I believe x rated ones we took ” so he has not sent them yet but you are concerned he might.

This is a script.
This is an implied threat.
The next step he will mention the intimate stuff, possibly sending round to your family/friends unless you...send money/talk to him/meet him (delete as required).

So same as before.

Send desist message.
Block.
Tell OH & show messages/photos (assume no X rated ones there) sent to date.
Do NOT delete messages until you have got advice from police.

Me, I would set up a new email account for my own use to store these for evidence. Send his messages to it & do not open them again. So they can be seen as unopened in the inbox index.

Do not be surprised if his contact escalates to include people who you both once knew e.g. woe woe thrice woe, she is ignoring poor lil’ me etc etc.

It’s a script.

Hate the judgement on this thread. Not everyone who has been in prison has defrauded the vulnerable out of millions or murdered their grandmother and her 8 cats.

People make mistakes. The difference is knowing you’ve made a mistake and changing your life for the better.

That is all.

I think the text you sent was fine, ie, putting closure on the matter and wishing him well for the future.

However, i’d Be mightily unsettled from the response also.

You need to tell your husband, and also your family that if he gets in contact, then not to give him your address. Log/ photocopy/all contact in case this escalates.

As PP have said, the implicit message in your ex’s email is that he is going to stalk or blackmail you.

You must tell your DH and you must get advice from the police as to how to proceed. Do not take any action (reply, block, delete, create new email address) until you have done this.

You don’t necissarily have to mention that you had private photos, but we all have a past and were young and stupid once.

A decent fellow would have wished op all the best, but his reply is definantly a little creepy.

Hope you are ok.

There is a good reason to ignore and block these kinds.

There are far too many psychopaths out there.

Your response just let him know that indeed it was your email and opened up the door to this whacko.

Women are conditioned to be nice but being polite and nice can put your in danger to people like this creep.

You have no idea what he went to prison for and this may be something he does to harass and blackmail people.

You told him to delete your email and you weren't interested in any contact with him and he just completely ignored your boundary.

There is no reason to reply to him at all.

I would tell your DH some whacko you mistakenly dated years ago is harassing you and go to the police about it.

Please do not try to reason with or be polite to this person. Do not reply to him. Block him from everywhere, tell your husband, and go to the police.

He sounds really creepy. He dumped you by text, he’s been in jail for 10 years (so he’s obviously done something really serious as that would have been a 20 year sentence), and now he’s emailing you and suggesting he’ll start sending private pics of you. Tell your husband, write a ‘Married with kids, have a nice life, won’t be keeping in touch’ email and then block him on everything. You really do not want this man back in your life.

You absolutely have to tell your dh. It's bad that you haven't but if you don't do it now you're exacerbating the problem. It'll become one of those things where you not being honest is worse than the thing itself.

As for the ex, don't reply again. If he escalates things with threats, involve the police. Otherwise move on.

Remember, revenge porn is actually a crime now. You don't have anything to be ashamed off with regards to the pictures so please don't think you do. Don't engage with him anymore. That's how he'll manipulate you. Just block him.

Please tell your husband. Then as Auntie has said, send a desist message before blocking him but keep all the messages in a separate folder.

If you don't tell your dh and he subsequently finds out, he will be very suspicious of you. With reason.

What an absolute bastard and he'll be heading straight back inside for "revenge porn" if he does anything!

I wonder what he was in for?

The advantage you have here is that he has just being released from prison so the chances are he has a probation officer. What he is doing now is harrassment and threatening you with the photos.

You need to clearly state that unless he leaves you alone with no further contact you will call the police/probation office without hesitation.

You are letting him have the power here because in actuality you have it. If he was in prison for such a long length of time it was serious and he would be known to the police/probation service and any offence or complaint would send him straight back

Do not let him in your head

Double check your privacy settings on social media so you are protected. Log into your email online, block his email address, log back out and get on with your life.

I would tell your husband straight away. Yes your ex is implying that he has rude pictures of you. This shows how gross and manipulative he is being right now. Don't e-mail him back, show husband the emails then block him. If anything come from it..report to the police.