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Original poster

To have reacted in this way, DP sexual advances

115 replies

Waterb4by · 19/01/2019 13:25

I've been perched on the sofa feeling uncomfortable with a huge pregnant bump which is feeling unusually tender and sore today.

DP comments that I look as though I'm in pain and I confirm that I am. Ten minutes later he comes over plonks himself down next to me and offers to rub moisturiser into my bump (kind gesture I thought) but I decline and say it's ok not to worry.

He then thinks it's a good idea to put his hand between my legs and "massage" down there, I bat him away in annoyance and tell him in no uncertain terms I'm not in the mood or up to sex and am clearly uncomfortable.

He jokingly replied that "it's ok you don't need to move you can just lay there and I can lick"

I'm ashamed to say I just lost my fucking shit and told him to get out of my personal space because he's disgusting. I don't think I've ever cringed so hard in tandem with being furious.

He looks horrified, apologised and skulks off saying he was only joking. He wasn't.

Have I overreacted or are people in agreements that its an absolutely disgusting thing to imply under the circumstances.

OP posts:
Original poster
Waterb4by · 19/01/2019 13:26

Why would anybody want to engage in sexual activity with somebody who's lying there in pain? Confused

OP posts:
Meralia · 19/01/2019 13:27

What was disgusting to imply? Oral sex?

ChodeofChodeHall · 19/01/2019 13:27

Really gross and objectifying. Are you ok?

ChodeofChodeHall · 19/01/2019 13:28

What was disgusting to imply?

That although the OP did not want sex, she should just lay there and allow her DP to go ahead anyway.

Original poster
Waterb4by · 19/01/2019 13:28

Not disgusting to imply oral sex, but disgusting to imply he wanted to perform if on somebody who's slumped on the sofa in visible discomfort

OP posts:
Original poster
Waterb4by · 19/01/2019 13:30

When he has been unwell or in pain for whatever reason the last thing on my mind has been wanting to molest him.

OP posts:
Meralia · 19/01/2019 13:30

Yes, that’s not on. Don’t be ashamed for losing your shit. Hopefully he’ll think twice next time.

ThereWillBeAdequateFood · 19/01/2019 13:31

YANBU to have responded that way at all.

He probably thinks he was being nice though Hmm the dickhead. Hope he apologises.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 19/01/2019 13:33

So many threads like this.

So many men not treating their partners with any empathy or care.

You're in pain, obviously you don't want sex. You told him no. He tried to talk you into it. He can fuck off.

Original poster
Waterb4by · 19/01/2019 13:34

I'm not sure I'd have reacted so strongly if he'd had worded it differently, although I definitely wouldn't have been up for it either way.

The wording seemed so gross and enraged me for some reason.

OP posts:
NothingOnTellyAgain · 19/01/2019 13:36

Your reaction was what it was.

You said no and he pushed you.

You may be feeling you went OTT now but he is well in the wrong and you are in pain and uncomfortable so probably not in the best of moods.

I hope he has a think and says sorry and makes you a cuppa or something.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 19/01/2019 13:37

ie he doesn't go off and sulk forever

becasue you said no to sex and when he kept trying you got angry

becasue he would be in the wrong there too

Pachyderm1 · 19/01/2019 13:38

Really inappropriate - you had already been very clear that you didn’t want to, which means he shouldn’t have considered pushing it further. I really hope he’s learned his lesson and will be more respectful next time.

Bluebell878275 · 19/01/2019 13:39

He was trying to help take your mind off the pain.

Ribbonsonabox · 19/01/2019 13:40

I'm going to go against the grain here and say you may have overreacted a bit because you are tired and uncomfortable. It doesn't sound like he was actually putting pressure on you to have sex. He just came on to you a bit and suggested he might give you oral sex. I guess to him that is maybe what he would like of he was tired and stressed? You say he apologised for getting it wrong? But I actually dont think this is that big of a deal. He tried it on with you. You said no and he apologised....
I mean yeah his timing was bad but as I said to him it probably seemed like a nice thing to do because its perhaps what he would've wanted if things were reversed.
I'd just say to him 'I dont feel very sexy right now please leave me alone because that is not going to make me feel better' I would not have shouted at him.
I understand why you did though because you are tired and stressed... but I do think you are being a tiny bit unreasonable to have shouted.

FrogsLegs33 · 19/01/2019 13:41

I’m trying to find a way to excuse this a bit but I just can’t.

He wanted sex and received the message that you were in pain and unhappy.

He took this information and decided that if he offered you “no expectation” oral sex then at best your discomfort might be soothed enough for you to want sex. At worst he thought that once he’d given so “selflessly” you’d be guilted sufficiently to grant him a return favour of some sort. Angry

NothingOnTellyAgain · 19/01/2019 13:43

"He was trying to help take your mind off the pain."

By making her really angry?

Worked then but doesn't seem like the anger is better than the pain TBH

Original poster
Waterb4by · 19/01/2019 13:44

I do believe he thought he'd be doing me a favour, but failed to realise that the last thing I'd want whilst I'm uncomfortable is to be interfered with down below.

He and I are very different. He'd gladly have sex when he's unwell or in pain whereas I'm the opposite and very much need to be feeling good to feel at all remotely sexy.

The wording was the final trigger, oddly enough. It just sounded so.. gross.

OP posts:
NothingOnTellyAgain · 19/01/2019 13:45

" it probably seemed like a nice thing to do "

what put his hand between her legs when she had said she was in pain then when she pushed him away, not take a hint but still push for sex?

Tenpenny · 19/01/2019 13:46

Has he been able to show empathy towards you in a normal way before this?

Original poster
Waterb4by · 19/01/2019 13:47

I may have felt up to doing something a bit later on but he's completely put me off now.

It's not nice to admit that the man you love makes you cringe is it Confused

OP posts:
HollyBollyBooBoo · 19/01/2019 13:48

Sick. Who the fuck wants sex when they're uncomfortable or in pain. This was all about him and his gratification.

Original poster
Waterb4by · 19/01/2019 13:48

Yeah he can be very empathetic in all other areas, but loses his common sense when he gets the urge for sex.

OP posts:
Original poster
Waterb4by · 19/01/2019 13:49

He gets more satisfaction from giving oral sex than I get from receiving it, so offering it to me is all about him despite having convinced himself it's absolutely wonderful for me.

OP posts:
TenForward82 · 19/01/2019 13:49

Like every bloke, then.