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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

CF parent demanding money

707 replies

ChickenPieBumFace · 19/01/2019 01:21

I'll try and keep this brief. Last year just before Xmas DD11 was getting changed from PE and her skirt was gone. She got upset as we were due to meet her brother after school, so several friends offered their PE skorts. One actually bought some over. But then her BF said she would go home in her PE kit so that she could borrow a skirt and still be able to go out and meet her little brother. Skorts are folded and girl is thanked but have a skirt now. Skirt is later returned to BFF.
So DD skirt turns out to have been picked up accidentally by another pupil who says for weeks that she will bring it back in and now, 2 weeks into the new term is saying she doesn't actually have it etc. Last week I called into the school to ask reception if there was anything they could do, maybe have a word with the girl and ask her to bring it in, but stated I was unsure there was much the school could do in reality.

Anyway, I have just been woken by a text from the mum of the girl who offered her skorts, but was not taken up on it. This mum works at the school in the office. She has said that she wanted to give me the heads up. Her daughter cannot find her skorts and is holding my DD responsible. She has spoken with one of the teachers and that they have agreed between them that I will have to buy a new pair (£25) and replace them as it is my daughters fault. Now I have a problem with this on a few levels. Firstly if the school are dealing with it, why text me throwing around decisions that have been made without any consultation. Certainly don't have both sides of the story. And at midnight! Secondly I don't agree (having now read the texts between the girls) that my DD is responsible. And finally is this favouritism? I asked the school to deal with an identical problem and heard nothing back. The woman who works there has used her position to demand a new skort. Don't know if this makes a difference but this is a private school. My DD has a scholarship as I could never afford to send her otherwise. I do feel like I am not in a position to rock the boat (I still pay 50%) but want to report her unprofessional behaviour to the school. and ask that if they want to demand it of me, they should demand it if the girl who took my DDs skirt. My DD is adamant that she told the girl that she didn't need her skorts (she definitely was wearing a skirt because I was mad she had lost it on this day and we have pictures from her with her brother). She is also adamant that she has seen this girl in the skorts since as this has only been raised this week. AIBU to think this mum is a Cheeky fucker. Her text was very conclusive. We have decided at the school you are to buy new skorts. We will of course return (not refund) the new skorts if the old ones turn up. We expect you to sort this out etc. Sorry it got long (and a bit first world problems) but I am furious

OP posts:
EyeDrops · 22/01/2019 09:53

Unbelievable behaviour by the staff. I'd be tempted to park myself in reception until seen by the head personally! Good luck op.

Morgan12 · 22/01/2019 09:58

Just spent an hour reading this thread.

No regrets.

Good luck today!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 22/01/2019 10:05

Pretty sure that skants as opposed to skort will not catch on...

Socks

LOL!

ZoeZebra1 · 22/01/2019 11:39

Hope you got to see the Head today, however am guessing the PA will get in first with another story before they let you see him. Hope you have screenshots of all the messages you and your daughter have received as evidence.

Loulzze · 22/01/2019 12:11

Placemarking for updates. Good luck!

UrsulaPandress · 22/01/2019 12:13

Skorts were a revelation to me when DD first started playing netball. A marvellous invention.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 22/01/2019 12:17

So CF Mum is demanding you pay for something your DD never actually borrowed?

Tell her to get to fuck!

Nanny0gg · 22/01/2019 12:22

Hang on, OP. THIS IS A private school? One you’re paying for?

You should be able to see HT without being circumvented!!

What would happen if you just turned up?

ChickenPieBumFace · 22/01/2019 12:38

Head of year called me back this morning. We are arranging a meeting with the deputy head and the complaint has been escalated through HR. I have emailed her with screenshots. I have also requested confirmation that the headmaster is fully appraised and happy for the matter to be dealt with at the deputy head level. I suspect that he isn't fully aware. Yet. I'll keep updating

OP posts:
RiverTam · 22/01/2019 12:41

well done! I agree, they are deflecting like mad. But they're busted, oh yes.

ZoeZebra1 · 22/01/2019 12:45

You need to be clear that this is no longer about school uniform but your lack of faith in the honesty and professionalism of school staff... Staff who have access to your childs school records and personal information.
I would want to know what they plan to do to ensure that you and your child will be dealt with fairly by office staff going forward and how uneasy the while thing leaves you feeling.

ZoeZebra1 · 22/01/2019 12:45

*whole (fat fingers)

Aventurine · 22/01/2019 12:50

It's frustrating that you can't contact the head without it being intercepted.

Sindragosan · 22/01/2019 12:55

Given it's the headmaster's PA it's probably more appropriate that the deputy deals with it to avoid conflict of interest.

I don't know how long any of them have worked there, but if they're all long standing colleagues you are going to be the bad guy in this no matter what happens.

user1474894224 · 22/01/2019 13:00

I hope you get this resolved and there is no comeback on your daughter.

sollyfromsurrey · 22/01/2019 13:06

Please make sure you start with something like "To start with, I want to make clear that the skorts on question were never in our possession, this conversation is NOT about skorts, it is about blah blah XXXXXXXXXX but I want to make it clear from the start, that these skorts are not and never were in our possesion..."

Crunchymum · 22/01/2019 13:08

You're going to be popular OP!!

You said in early posts that the (skort)friend messages to your DD weren't very nice? Back before her mum got involved. Anything that you should escalate????

CoraPirbright · 22/01/2019 13:18

Oh well done OP!

ChickenPieBumFace · 22/01/2019 13:24

@Crunchymum CF daughter had done a screenshot of part of the messages and shown her mum. Out of context it looked like my Daughter had just said "it's not my responsibility". The CF referenced it in her text saying "your DD has said she is not responsible in a text to my DD and has upset my Dd and quite honestly me too" However the full conversation in context actually made me very proud of my DD. She is clear and polite throughout that they were never in her possession and says although she won't buy new ones, she will happily help her look through lost property and around the school to help find them. CF DD is aggressive in her responses saying "see you on Monday - with my new skorts". "You have to get me new ones" and being generally unpleasant in her tone.
A screenshot of the full conversation in full context has been sent to the school.

OP posts:
ChickenPieBumFace · 22/01/2019 13:30

Also DD juts caled me to say that head of year took both girls to one side this morning. Emphasised that CFDD was doing something nice when offering and is now suffering etc. And then made them shake hands. 😩. They don't seem to be getting that this is not a pupil issue. FFS! HOY called this morning and said she had spoken to PE teacher, who had no idea about the text. Fair enough. But she also outright denied saying to my DD that she would get a bill. Instead she claims she said "as it was a nice gesture from CFDD, it would be nice if you could talk to your mum about making a similar kind gesture in return and maybe pay towards the replacement". 😂😂😂. Of course she did. Twice! I have said in the email that whilst handled badly by PE teacher, I am willing to accept it was misplaced loyalty to a colleague and that she has learnt her lesson and will think twice before making such statements to pupils again. My priority now is as PP have said. To ensure that the matter is dealt with With the correct amount of severity, and that DD does not suffer any consequences going forward.

OP posts:
ChickenPieBumFace · 22/01/2019 13:31

Oh and I have been very clear that it is not about skorts or skorts or pupils.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 22/01/2019 13:46

Talk about lies and closing ranks...

None of them are covering themselves in glory are they, not has CFDD explained where the skirts she had been wearing in the meantime came from...

BumbleBeee69 · 22/01/2019 13:50

Also DD juts called me to say that head of year took both girls to one side this morning. Emphasised that CFDD was doing something nice when offering and is now suffering etc. And then made them shake hands. 😩. They don't seem to be getting that this is not a pupil issue. FFS! HOY called this morning and said she had spoken to PE teacher, who had no idea about the text. Fair enough. But she also outright denied saying to my DD that she would get a bill. Instead she claims she said "as it was a nice gesture from CFDD, it would be nice if you could talk to your mum about making a similar kind gesture in return and maybe pay towards the replacement"

this is actually appalling OP, really appalling, your poor daughter having to be in that school with all those nasties Flowers

MummBraTheEverLeaking · 22/01/2019 13:55

Yep, talk about rank closing! I'd be straight to the head now, no more stalling from them, they've fannied around enough.

CoraPirbright · 22/01/2019 13:57

....nor has CFDD explained where the skirts she had been wearing in the meantime came from...

Absolutely Random. I would really press that point OP even though this really isn’t about the flipping skirts anymore.

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