AIBU when people say 'hows baby?' etc

[kateluvscats]

Small gripe but when I'm watching One Born Every Minute why do the midwives constantly say 'baby's nearly here', or 'baby's head is coming', or 'how's baby?' The correct phrase 'is the baby's heads coming' or 'the baby's nearly here'!!! Surely it's not so hard that you can't add the word 'THE'!!

Honestly doesn't bother me at all, and sorry but the people moaning about it ARE coming across as precious and snowflakey

I was often called 'mum' when I was at the school with my kids, and they also called DH 'dad...' And when my kids were babies, the nurse, midwife, HV, doctor etc often said 'how's baby?' It's just a thing, it doesn't mean they don't care.

In addition and they have enough on their plate, and a hard enough job as it IS, without worrying about some little snowflake throwing her toys out of the pram, because the frazzled, sleep deprived nurse didn't address her in the manner she demands! As many posters have stated, you can't expect them to remember everyone's damn name!

I agree with some previous posters - some people really do have SO little to worry about.

Honestly doesn't bother me at all, and sorry but the people moaning about it ARE coming across as precious and snowflakey

I was often called 'mum' when I was at the school with my kids, and they also called DH 'dad...' And when my kids were babies, the nurse, midwife, HV, doctor etc often said 'how's baby?' It's just a thing, it doesn't mean they don't care.

In addition, they have enough on their plate, and a hard enough job as it IS, without worrying about some little snowflake throwing her toys out of the pram, because the frazzled, sleep deprived nurse didn't address her in the manner she demands! As many posters have stated, you can't expect them to remember everyone's damn name!

I agree with some previous posters - some people really do have SO little to worry about.

@Seline
Yet you probably would’ve had a moan if she didn’t acknowledge you.
Working for the NHS you spend time promoting health saving lives so that those same people turn around and moan and complain once their in good health.

Maybe since they see so many babies a day its difficult to remember what sex they are without checking and certainly their names. I think you are being precious assuming that everyone is as interested in everything about your baby and you.

YABU

It's mildly irritating occasionally ("Mum" "Baby") but generally the people who use these terms probably deal in hundreds of mums and babies as part of their job every week so I don't find it in my heart to be cross about it. I mean, out there in the dark world, there's quite a lot more to get steamed up about.

I was just griping to someone about this recently. Midwives etc referring to “baby” without the definite article is a form of infantilising language. I am pregnant: I haven’t had a lobotomy. It’s patronising and irritating.

I think they've got more pressing things to worry about such as keeping 'baby' alive and delivered safely, all the while monitoring 'mum' to keep her alive and safe.
I think the word 'the' isn't of significance at that point really.

@Seline

Something I found odd was when I had DS1 I told them his name as I was going into theatre.

He was still tagged as Baby BOY. I gave them his name deliberately so they could use it.
Sometimes parents change their minds and the tags are supposed to stay on until discharge.
I’m so glad I don’t work in midwifery anymore and people like you are the reason thiers a shortage of midwives.

When using just 'Baby' it is being used as a name, surely that's obvious! You wouldn't say e.g. 'the Matilda' or 'the Ben' duh!

If this is all I have to worry about in my upcoming delivery, I will be over the moon.
Need to get a grip the lot of you.

I've always loathed this. It's "THE baby" not "baby" and i'd rather not be addressed than be "mum". . It's just always jumped out at me and fucked me right off. It's twee and infantile.

However I suspect that during labour I probably wouldn't notice or care so making a fuss about it isn't going to help me.

being pissed off because a baby is called "baby"

OMFG!

Just tell them that THE baby is called "jimmy, snowflake, Daiquiri" or whatever name you have chosen and to call him/ her by his/her first name.

I feel so sorry for the staff who have to tip toe and can't say anything without bothering at least one person.

I am a paediatrician, and since reading on here have mostly stopped the 'mum' and 'dad' thing. I now always ask parents names when seeing a child.

I never saw the 'baby' thing as offensive? I have worked on neonates and when I was seeing a pregnant woman who was about to have a baby, I would always ask if they had decided on a name. Many had, and would tell me. However, I would never use their name or label the baby with it, until after the parents had seen the baby and confirmed the name. This is because often parents will change their mind!

As soon as the baby has a name, I would always use that. However before that, they are labelled as 'baby lastname'. Baby then becomes like a substitute name/title.

Sometimes I call them baby, if talking to parents (before the baby has a name) I may use "your baby" or "baby", but I don't think I've ever said "the baby"...... Somehow it makes it sound like the baby doesn't belong to anyone! I always use the name once they have one though!

It's a shame the baby is a gender neutral word, unlike other countries. People could get even more irate by "baby" being referred to in the wrong gender because the word happens to have one.

"hese are medical professionals. They should be talking to you as an equal, while obviously being the expert and communicating that expertise."

Hmm. I think there's a movement calling for medical professionals to use very simple language with the public to avoid people being confused by medicalese. I've noticed recently that they don't say stool any more, but say 'poo' instead when talking of things like bowel cancer. I suppose it's to make sure everyone understands, but it sounds horrible.

Batfurger "There is genuinely no way to keep pregnant/birthing/new mothers happy. Everything is offensive. Apparently"

Eh? What are you on about? I think birthing mothers have more on their minds, I doubt any many will be 'offended' by this.
That being said, OP yabu and who cares??

A nurse on a busy non- maternity ward is equally as incapable of remembering all the patients names, which is of course fair enough. I imagine when they enquire as to the well-being of their patients, they just ask ‘how are you today?’ Not so hard is it. Having said that, I object far less to use of mum and dad than baby, the former can serve a purpose depending on context but the latter could simply be solved with the addition of ‘the’ or ‘your’.

I know what you mean and it is a bit cringey.

hard work to remember every single wombs name

Really hope you meant every single woman, not womb, here! Although that does get to the crux of it: being asked "how's mum?" is a bit "walking incubator". You're no longer a person who happens to be a parent; you're just mum.

I love that my midwife asks "how are you?" and talks about "the baby". Fair enough if it doesn't bother you but I don't think language is trivial; if she asked "how's mum?" and talked to me in the third person, I'd feel dehumanised, patronised, and less trusting of her, as it is I'm able to be honest about how shit I'm finding pregnancy. Language affects healthcare.

On most hospital wards they have a board on the head of the bed with the patient's name and "known as" eg Mrs Susan Smith "Sue" so a nurse who has never met the patient can walk in and say "Hello Sue how are you feeling today". Why can't they extend the same courtesy in Maternity?

The use of Baby irritates me but I get that they want to avoid using "it" or being too impersonal. I think "Your Baby" would be better though......

The “mum” thing is weird because it’s speaking in the third person like you’re not there even when speaking directly to you. Or speaking as if to a very small child.

We don’t turn to a work colleague and say to mark “and what does mark think about these forecasts?”. We say “what do you think?”. HCPs don’t need to learn everyone’s names, just say “how are you?” Rather than “how is mum?” Or “what do you think?” instead of “what does mum think?”. Like we do in normal English in all other situations.

I think midwives did it to me, can’t think I was exactly bothered me.

YANBU...it’s bloody annoying but not as annoying as being called ‘mum’ by people who you didn’t actually give birth to.

The people who are saying YABU say things like ‘pacifically’, ‘could of’, ‘ain’t done nothing’ and ‘supposably’.

I think most people who don't like it just want to be spoken to like a normal person, i.e. "how are you?" rather than "how is mum?", and for the baby to be called"your baby" or "the baby", as opposed to memorising their/their baby's name! It's just normal speech instead of this strange "maternity vernacular".

PinaColada1 After I'd delivered my 3rd baby, a man came into the room and began to introduce himself as the peadia...then stopped mid word and said " I'm the baby doctor " I must have looked unbelievably rough not to understand the word paediatrician.