AIBU when people say 'hows baby?' etc

[kateluvscats]

Small gripe but when I'm watching One Born Every Minute why do the midwives constantly say 'baby's nearly here', or 'baby's head is coming', or 'how's baby?' The correct phrase 'is the baby's heads coming' or 'the baby's nearly here'!!! Surely it's not so hard that you can't add the word 'THE'!!

What's wrong with it?

Agree it is patronising and banal. But what is wrong with being called Mrs/Ms Surname? I hate being called by my fist name in a professional (or otherwise) setting, how often does the doctor say ‘call me Jane’.

We didn't name DS for a few days after birth (he was three weeks early and we hadn't decided before he was born, so hospital staff had no pin, I saw it as then using baby instead of his name. The baby sounds more disconnected.

I hate this too! I thought I was the only one

As soon as he had a name they used it, 'how is baby Nigel doing' etc. Y

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Yabu. I bet it would be hard work to remember every single wombs name and the name of their baby. And staff change overs. And half way through pushing you are hardly going to say his name is George not baby. And I'm jane and he is John. I don't remember half the people's names I saw in the labour ward and as long as they know I'm x patient and do their job properly I couldn't give a flying monkeys if baby was referred to as baby. They always right baby surname in my notes. And I'm guessing as the birth isn't registered you could change your mind about the name

It sounds very 1950s.

Well obviously I'm a sad loser too OP because it drives me mad as well. They always say it on Call the Midwife too...

Fully agree, gets on my nerves too, talk properly.

This makes me cringe. For some reason it sounds so patronising. But I agree with PP it's partly the tone used as if you have no brain cells. I wouldn't expect them to remember every parent's name, but they don't have to be so twee. Instead of asking, how is mum, why not just say how are you? Or refer to 'the baby's parents' instead of mum and dad. Tbh in makes the medical staff sound a bit foolish to me.

Is it a conjunctive adverb or something that's missing?

Bungle yeah I can see that too. Just never occurred to me either way. I was just happy to have my babies looked after and couldn't even remember what they called me. Dh calls the midwives nurse. So it could go both ways. Is their a correct tern to call medical staff if you dont know their name?

I really hope my daughter doesn’t become the midwife she dreams to be. She is well spoken however I suspect her priority of delivering healthy babies and ensuring the safety of the mothers will be overlooked over such trivia.

Some midwives don't do it. It's really easy to avoid doing. You just have to imagine that the pregnant woman is a human being and that it could be you one day and then your ability to speak to her like one normal adult to another will follow automatically.

I don't mind busy medical staff calling parents mum and dad, I fully realise that it must be difficult to remember and they don't necessarily have time to check every time. I object strongly to people like teachers,, local authority officials and other professionals doing it, especially in meetings where they manage to get everyone else's names right: in that context it comes over as extremely patronising. I'm thinking of investing in a stock of badges from here - www.bornattherighttime.com/product/dont-call-me-mum-support-package/

As long as they are delivering my baby safely I don't care in the slightest if they say Baby or The baby.
Also, at the point of being told an emergency c section was needed to deliver my child safely I can't imagine the doctor's specific use of words to tell me that would really be on my priority list!
Some people really need to relax a bit!

I totally get it! It drives me mad when I hear it!

Yabu. I bet it would be hard work to remember every single wombs name and the name of their baby. And staff change overs. And half way through pushing you are hardly going to say his name is George not baby. And I'm jane and he is John. I don't remember half the people's names I saw in the labour ward and as long as they know I'm x patient and do their job properly I couldn't give a flying monkeys if baby was referred to as baby. They always right baby surname in my notes. And I'm guessing as the birth isn't registered you could change your mind about the name

I would expect them to. I expect to be asked ‘how are YOU’, ‘how is YOUR baby doing’. I had one baby abroad and they managed the whole pregnancy and birth without any of this twee ‘baby’ nonsense.

I have to admit - it isn't always easy to remember everyone's names. So I am guilty of saying mum or dad for fear of offending by admitting I've forgotten your name when you've already told me it once - because I've so many other things I'm concentrating on. Remembering someone's name might sound easy - but on a busy postnatal ward when I've got 8 mothers and babies this isn't always the first thing on my mind. I can look at a handover sheet before I go into a bay however once in conversation it's easily forgotten for a second, and most families I've come across seem to feel 'mum' or 'dad' is more personal and warm than saying what's your name again?

It's so they avoid using words like "it" or acting as though your baby is an object.

Do you really expect them to know and remember everyone's first name including partners and the unborn child who may be of unknown sex?

Only on MN do people get het up about people trying to be friendly

YANBU and what annoys me even more is referring to me as “mum” when talking directly to me as in “how’s mum doing?” There’s no need to remember my name, whats wrong “how are you doing?” I’m pregnant with my first so haven’t had this a lot yet but in what other situation, when talking to me directly, would someone say “how’s Meredith doing?” as if I’m meant to reply in the third person. But then I’ve found quite a lot of the way things are spoken about in pregnancy quite infantilising, for example the midwife only using the phrase “baby doctor”, as if paediatrician might confuse me.

I think you’re being ridiculous and very precious.

It really doesn’t matter.

These people look after hundreds of women.

I think someone needs to get out more

Meh it's just one kind those things ,ds2 has complex disabilities and I often get asked if I'm mum or What does mum think in meetings which is irritating but they can't remember everyone's name .