AIBU when people say 'hows baby?' etc

[kateluvscats]

Small gripe but when I'm watching One Born Every Minute why do the midwives constantly say 'baby's nearly here', or 'baby's head is coming', or 'how's baby?' The correct phrase 'is the baby's heads coming' or 'the baby's nearly here'!!! Surely it's not so hard that you can't add the word 'THE'!!

I suppose the gist of this is that one person’s idea of friendly is another’s idea of patronizing.

I think someone needs to get out more

Cut and paste this comment on 90% of threads on here...

Peak mumsnet.

Yanbu I hate it too

I was told ‘baby is saying to us that he needs more help’ by a Dr about an emergency c section

I'd have been livid. Sounds like they were trying to explain it to a five year old! Talk about patronising.

Tb h if I needed an emergency c section I would be more worried about my baby than how the Dr spoke to me , sometimes medical staff can't win if they use all the correct terms and going to detail they get accused of talking Jargon and if they try and simplify stuff they get told they are patronising .

Is it a self-importance thing? Does it upset people because it means you're not important or special enough? Hard to accept you’re not unique enough to have your name know to everyone know? (I’m including being adressed as mum here.)

I sound scathing there but I don’t get it. If you’re one of a heck of a lot of people in the same situation, and (the) staff are busy, you’re not always going to be more than a patient or a patient’s parent.

There’s no winning on the first name or Mrs Surname side of things either. I don’t understand why anyone find use of their first name offensive. (Mind you I can’t recall the last time I was called Title Surname, to unknow people I’m First name Surname, then Firstname.)

Nor do I understand conniptions about being called Ms Surname. Apparently found offensive because of being so proud of being Mrs (not actually mentioned on this thread yet, but seen often enough on MN when names and titles are being discussed).

I don’t like it either. I just find “baby” twee and a bit odd. We don’t extend the same usage to other areas. People would say “How old is your daughter?” if they didn’t know your child’s name, not “How old is girl?” I don’t see why “the baby” or “your baby” is isn’t used. Obviously I’ve never bothered to correct anyone as it is well intended.
I find the vocative use of “Mum” more annoying. Of course I don’t expect busy HCPs to remember patients’ relatives’ names, but what is wrong with “you” when directly addressing someone? As in “And how are you today?” rather than “And how’s mum today?” I always feel tempted to reply in the third person too. I don’t refer to the Doctor vocatively as “Doctor” they’ve never been confused as to who I’m talking to.

Is it a self-importance thing? Does it upset people because it means you're not important or special enough? Hard to accept you’re not unique enough to have your name know to everyone know? (I’m including being adressed as mum here.)

Not at all. It's because my name isn't mum. And my baby isn't called baby. I just find it awkward to be called mum by someone twice my age and I often don't respond because I haven't even realised they're talking to me.

I sound scathing there but I don’t get it. If you’re one of a heck of a lot of people in the same situation, and (the) staff are busy, you’re not always going to be more than a patient or a patient’s parent.

I agree. I’ve read all of the replies and I still don’t really understand why some people really hate it.

It’s ‘twee’? So what? ‘The baby’ or ‘the mum’ sounds like referring to an object to me, like ‘the chair’ or ‘the window.’ Removing ‘the’ and using Baby or Mum more as a name is OK, in the situations it’s used the person using it is often busy and won’t remember your/your child’s name. It’s really not a big deal.

The doctor explaining the c-section is totally different.

Is it a self-importance thing?

I think it's a more of a "wanting to be treated like a person"-thing?

Ffs does it really bloody better?

Matter*

Of course it doesn’t matter. People do find this sort of thing irritating. That’s fine. Look at how many posters hate “would of”

You literally just want something to moan about.

I'm in the 'twee' camp. It would also make me feel talked down to.

Regarding the Dr explaining the C section though, Nhs start will meet people from a wide spectrum of society some highly educated some not so much they need to explain simply what's going to happen so everyone can understand.

Staff*

Not at all. It's because my name isn't mum. And my baby isn't called baby. I just find it awkward to be called mum by someone twice my age and I often don't respond because I haven't even realised they're talking to me.

So you expect them at all times to know every patient's name?

I hope no-one ever calls the staff just 'nurse or 'Doctor...

We told our MW what we were calling our DS and she referred to him by his name. It’s just because they want to refer to the baby you’re about to have but don’t know their name.

They’re just trying to connect, I’d be more annoyed if they couldn’t give a crap, and instead just kept advising me to push and stop screaming.

When I was a nurse I frequently got called Nurse that's annoying too i.did tell patients and relatives to refer to me as my first name.I we a mental health nurse so at the time th patients did stay in hospital for a longer period of time.

Next time address the nurse or doctor or teacher or whatever profession they are by the correct tern. Do not call the nurse, nurse, you must fund out their name and call them nurse Jackie etc. Dr Jenkins. But I bet when you are ill or busy or worrying about yourself you won't be worrying about this sort of thing. It's really a non issue and be happy we have the services to look after us rather than worry about their grammar.

I don't mind it as I feel they are referring to my baby as a baby rather than an object and referring to me as 'mum' rather than 'her' which is rude...

Do you really expect them to be able to remember everyone's name and their baby's name whilst working a demanding 12 hr shift? I don't remember my own child's name through tiredness 😂

My friend works on a neonatal ward, I asked her about the 'baby' form of address recently. She said that she was taught to say 'Baby' instead of a first name as most of the babies are prem and don't have first names when they first arrive. She said the staff talk about Baby Jones and Baby Smith etc to each other and use just 'Baby' as a proxy first name until the babies have names. I told her I found it irritating when I had my DC to keep hearing it and she was surprised at my reaction and said 'mums prefer it as its more humanising'. So, interesting to read the thread.

On a side note, I took my DC for haircuts in the holidays. Two other families there. I was reading a magazine. Heard an adult call, 'mum, is this enough off the fringe?' So I looked up and then realised that it was meant for another mum. The hairdresser who had called looked annoyed at me, as if I was being nosey about someone else's haircut.

Back to medical stuff, I've taken my DC to emergency doctors in France and Germany and was never called mum, Madame Wildflower and Frau Wildflower.

Completely agree op !