AIBU regarding PE teacher, DD and her period?

[Tink2007]

My DD is nearly 13. She’s been having periods for 8/9 months. She came on yesterday. She said it was quite heavy and she didn’t feel comfortable doing PE today as she was worried about leaks and it being so heavy just left her feeling uncomfortable.

She’s never missed a PE lesson, she has done PE whilst on her period but it has always coincided with the end so has always been lighter. I said it was fine and I would jot a note in her student diary (as required) especially seeing as it was the first time she has come to me and said “‘Mum, I don’t feel comfortable with this today.”

So imagine my surprise when she came home from school and told me how PE went today. Her actual PE teacher was fine with her not doing PE but said the final decision was with the head of PE.

Now given she didn’t have her PE kit, she had a note and expressed her discomfort with doing PE I wa surprised that the head of PE tried all manner of ways to make her do PE, telling her a period couldn’t be “that bad”, she wouldn’t accept it as a reason again. Then said if she had a spare PE kit she would have made her do it, asked the other PE teacher to make her do it in her school uniform (which the other teacher refused to do) and pulled her by the arm to a standing position to bat a shuttlecock back and forth towards the end of the lesson. She simply couldn’t accept she wasn’t doing it this lesson.

AIBU reasonable for being annoyed? In an age where we are supposed to be empowering young women to have their voices heard, be confident in what they feel comfortable and uncomfortable with and voicing that but yet this teacher seems happy to ignore it and physically pull my DD to her feet.

I should add I do know the teacher in question - she was my PE teacher 22 years ago and it does sound just like her to be honest.

I would be extremely angry and think YANBU.

The teacher should not manhandle your child.

I suffer with extremely heavy and painful periods and cannot do exercise during. They should respect your note.

Take it to the head teacher.

And maisy?

I know you dont think im stupid

(And if you did you would be much too polite to say it )

Are you actually reading all my comments?

Yes.

You said (and here’s a quote to help you out).

They don't leak if they change often enough. And if you are using the maximum tampon and towel and have to change more than once an hour, please please go to the GP

You seem to be defining “often enough”. If girl needs to change every hour then if she were at my DD’s school she wouldn’t be able to “often enough”.

Notwithstanding the fact that - having very recently spoken to the GP about my DD’s periods - current advice was to allow them up to a year to settle down before investigations will even begin.

So it’s fortunate that you get schools that allow girls body autonomy and are willing to listen when they need to leave a lesson, or skip PE.

I can't believe some of the stupidity on this thread. Of course you can be well enough to sit still in a class room and walk slowly around school but not well enough to run around.

Also people have very heavy periods and there isn't a simple solution your GP can give you. Just because you personally haven't experienced it doesn't mean it doesn't happen it does. Missing one PE lesson isn't the end of the world.

Not read past page one but YANBU. To address a couple of points on the last page that would have just skimmed- it took 6 years for GP to help me with my periods!!!!!
Before I had an operation to stop my periods there is no way I would have wanted to do sport in shorts whilst wearing my winged towel plus maternity pad.
I really wish women were more sympathetic to other women who go through hell on their period.

Oh for christ sake PE is just crap at school an utterly pointless lesson in my opinion the teachers are always bullies and have serious control issues!!! If a young lady chooses to not do PE due to having her period so be it! Its her body her choice whatever makes her feel comfortable! As u can tell i never did PE at school all the teachers were dicks and pervs!! Lol!!

jacques Then your school needs to give girls more access to toilets.

Then your school needs to give girls more access to toilets

They have an open door policy.

I was merely using it as an example as I have no clue how long a secondary school lesson is apart from at DD’s school.

Jacques I did not talk about investigations. I talked about melanformic acid to reduce flow. When you said it did not work for everyone I apologised and said I did not know that.
And still you are quoting what I said before I apologised and making things up that I did not say.
I really really don't understand people like you who seem to come on threads just to pick a fight with someone.

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer
I agree. Some suffer and others make excuses.
There's no perfect way beyond that.
Thankfully I'm in a school where staff (including PE staff) have the freedom to use professional judgement and nobody wants to cry wolf because we all know that story.
I'm glad the OP raised it. To be honest, if I'd made a call like the PE teacher and the HOD had undermined me for no reason then I'd be annoyed as the class teacher. In the absence of previous piss taking behaviour then it's probably fair to sit out

Also she doesn't need to manage it on everyday life. As an adult she can choose not to play badminton on the first day of her period. Her periods are also likely to settle down in the next few years.

It doesn't matter if some teenagers make things up as an excuse. If my child isn't making it up and has a note from me to prove it they won't be doing PE.

Jacques The secondary schools I know have 1 hour lessons before a break. And most will allow girls who really need to go to the toilet in between to do so. You say yourself your school has an open door policy. So you are picking a fight based on a hypothetical situation that you do not even know if it exists.
Okaaayy.
My own fault. I have engaged with you far too much. Off to see some friends and open a bottle of wine. And maybe have a look at how you engage with people?

You say yourself your school has an open door policy. So you are picking a fight based on a hypothetical situation that you do not even know if it exists

It was a discussion. If you think that’s a fight, maybe you’re not robust enough for the Internet?

The whole point of this discussion is surrounding an actual scenario. Isn’t that clear?

Yanbu this has just taken me back to being in this situation it’s embarrassing having to do PE on your period at the best of times! As we never had private changing rooms and teachers have no sympathy most of the time with periods I remember getting sick in PSHE and the teacher asked 14 year old me if I was pregnant...I was on my period and they made me throw up back then! It’s such a horrible time as a teenager with out teachers pushing you around and forcing you to do something you aren’t comfortable with!

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer

I've just skimmed the first 8 pages and there are 5 people so far that have said either themselves or friends lied about periods to get out of PE.

maisy

well exactly

Dd didnt really have problems with periods (only gets them a few times a year and although heavy (not flooding though) they are not that painful

But when she was diagnosed with ME it was wonderful how supportive the staff were...the PE teacher in particular was convinced it was to do with low blood sugar and kept sneaking her sweets

I think part of the shock the OP has had is that even her note wasnt enough...should have been a phone call at least

But a categoric 'quite a few' when discussing women on this particular thread i find annoying

2 people have admitted they have lied about their periods
There are more than 2 who say either they or their friends did it.

From the school to the OP!

I’m going to ask MN to close the thread now as the issue has been resolved and people are just repeating themselves and not actually rttt to see the circumstances surrounding it.

I dont think thats how it works tink

The thread has been generally civil and i think the majority have been supportive of you

(Though i could be wrong)

This may be the first time she has asked to miss PE but she is also that much older and may be trying it on. I don't agree that the teacher should pull her up. That needs to be mentioned, but as others have said, empower her.

There are a number of articles on how exercise can help with lessening flow, cramps and bloating. Work with her, educate her and empower her.

refusthebewilderedreindeer great name btw :)

No, lots have been very supportive and I’m most grateful for that. What I mean is there are people saying certain things which have been explained and had they read through they would see I’ve said things a few times.

jwpetal Having had to wash her bedsheet and pj bottoms that morning, I’m pretty certain she wasn’t trying it on 🙄

Why would a girl that lists PE as one of her favourite subjects “try it” on to get out of the lesson?

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer
I agree.
And even when some of us have had differing opinions about the threshold for doing PE, we've still broadly agreed that in the absence of a track record of taking the piss the OP's note should have stood.

Can I just ask, does empowerment not include listening to a girl/woman who knows how body and how she feels? Or would I have been better to dismiss it?