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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU regarding PE teacher, DD and her period?

645 replies

Tink2007 · 17/01/2019 17:38

My DD is nearly 13. She’s been having periods for 8/9 months. She came on yesterday. She said it was quite heavy and she didn’t feel comfortable doing PE today as she was worried about leaks and it being so heavy just left her feeling uncomfortable.

She’s never missed a PE lesson, she has done PE whilst on her period but it has always coincided with the end so has always been lighter. I said it was fine and I would jot a note in her student diary (as required) especially seeing as it was the first time she has come to me and said “‘Mum, I don’t feel comfortable with this today.”

So imagine my surprise when she came home from school and told me how PE went today. Her actual PE teacher was fine with her not doing PE but said the final decision was with the head of PE.

Now given she didn’t have her PE kit, she had a note and expressed her discomfort with doing PE I wa surprised that the head of PE tried all manner of ways to make her do PE, telling her a period couldn’t be “that bad”, she wouldn’t accept it as a reason again. Then said if she had a spare PE kit she would have made her do it, asked the other PE teacher to make her do it in her school uniform (which the other teacher refused to do) and pulled her by the arm to a standing position to bat a shuttlecock back and forth towards the end of the lesson. She simply couldn’t accept she wasn’t doing it this lesson.

AIBU reasonable for being annoyed? In an age where we are supposed to be empowering young women to have their voices heard, be confident in what they feel comfortable and uncomfortable with and voicing that but yet this teacher seems happy to ignore it and physically pull my DD to her feet.

I should add I do know the teacher in question - she was my PE teacher 22 years ago and it does sound just like her to be honest.

OP posts:
Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 18/01/2019 16:01

2 by page 14

Well that was a waste of time looking for the 'quite a few' posters Grin

YellowStickRoad · 18/01/2019 16:31

Yabu. If she's well enough to be in school then she's well enough to participate in PE. If she's worried about leaks then help her with better sanitary protection. I really can't see how she could be well enough to be in lessons but not PE - if she gets cramps then they will hurt all day, not just in PE?

JacquesHammer · 18/01/2019 16:36

If she's worried about leaks then help her with better sanitary protection

Gosh if only those of us with heavy periods had thought of better sanitary protection Hmm

Perfectly1mperfect · 18/01/2019 17:00

I really can't see how she could be well enough to be in lessons but not PE - if she gets cramps then they will hurt all day, not just in PE?

This is so frustrating. There's a clear difference between sitting still at a desk and running and jumping around when you are in pain and bleeding. Of course there will be times when some women will be too ill to even sit at a desk but many more times when they can manage while sitting still but are not up to jumping around. It's really very easy to understand unless you choose not to.

Perfectly1mperfect · 18/01/2019 17:04

If she's worried about leaks then help her with better sanitary protection.

I missed this gem.🙄 For goodness sake. Yet again, some women leak no matter if they use tampons and maxi pads and change regularly, as their periods can be that heavy especially when exercising. Clearly you haven't experienced this, great for you but understand many women are not so fortunate. I don't know how many times it's been said on this thread but I'll say it again, everyone is different.

marycodie · 18/01/2019 17:17

They don't leak if they change often enough. And if you are using the maximum tampon and towel and have to change more than once an hour, please please go to the GP.
When girls tend to leak is when they get their period unexpectedly. Same issue with peri menopause as well.

JacquesHammer · 18/01/2019 17:28

And if you are using the maximum tampon and towel and have to change more than once an hour, please please go to the GP

Yes. And they do nothing. I’ve been battling for treatment for mine since 2009. I’m an assertive, adult woman.

Women’s health is woefully treated by the NHS.

If only it were as easy as “see your GP”

SoupDragon · 18/01/2019 17:29

Once again: your experience is not the same as everyone else's

SoupDragon · 18/01/2019 17:30

That Was in response to marycodie.

I do wish people would stop presenting their personal experience as fact.

marycodie · 18/01/2019 17:31

jacques I am shocked that they did not even offer you melanformic acid to reduce the flow. I thought that was pretty standard?

JacquesHammer · 18/01/2019 17:34

I am shocked that they did not even offer you melanformic acid to reduce the flow

They did Hmm it didn’t work. To which I was told “you’re taking it wrong”, etc etc. The NHS wants to do the least possible it can and shove you out of the door without actually getting to the route of the issue, especially when the “standard” treatment isn’t effective in the slightest.

I’m still genuinely amused as “see a GP” like it will solve all your issues Grin

Perfectly1mperfect · 18/01/2019 17:34

They don't leak if they change often enough.

When I was at school there was often not the opportunity to use the loo directly before a PE lesson. Combine that will exercising and some women will definitely leak. Some women will bleed heavily during exercise and even if they have not long changed, will leak. Besides, it's not all about leaking, there's cramping, aches, pains, bloating, bruised feeling, migraine....I could go on but it's all clearly wasted on you because you know how everyone else's body and periods are because they must be the same as your experience. 🙄

marycodie · 18/01/2019 17:37

jacques Apologies, I didn't know it did not work for everyone. Mine are still very heavy, but without that I could not leave the house as I would have to change every 20 minutes.

Palaver1 · 18/01/2019 17:37

The fact that she was in school most likely to them means shes well and fit enough to take part in lessons
Sorry you feel this way

marycodie · 18/01/2019 17:39

perfectly Don't put words in my mouth. It is common sense that if you use a tampax and towel and change them before they get too full, you will not leak. The issue is about access to toilets and how often you have to change. Which is why I said please go to the GP if you have to change more than every hour.

JacquesHammer · 18/01/2019 17:39

but without that I could not leave the house as I would have to change every 20 minutes

Right. So if you don’t change every 20 minutes you might leak?

It’s not too hard to see why a young teen/pre-teen with heavy periods might not be able to last until break.

MaisyPops · 18/01/2019 17:40

And even then rufus most of us know that people can and do make convenient excuses.

I make it 3 people (off the top of my head) who acknowledged that sometimes people (including teens who can be very good at excuses!) do make things up as an excuse. It's one of those weird mumsnet things. Offline most people will acknowledge what they and their peers got up to as kids and what they know is the case in real life, but on MN it's cool to pretend that no teen ever makes excuses (just like offline everyone knows that sometimes their DP/DH can be in a mood after work sometimes or you have a disagreement or snap in a relationship and yet on MN people will claim they'd never put up with such abusive behaviour / most people offline wouldn't allow their 11 year old daughter to dress in clothes associated with adult sexuality but on MN you get dozens of people claiming they don't consider any item of clothing not child friendly and would happily let their DC go out in anything).

clarehhh · 18/01/2019 17:41

You are being unreasonable she needs to learn to manage them in normal life.As others say you can buy leakproof pants these days.The products are much better than they were when we were teenagers.Sets a bad precedent I think.

marycodie · 18/01/2019 17:41

jacques Why are you being antagonistic? I have already apologised as I thought melanformic acid worked for everyone. And my advice was to go to the GP if you have to change more than once an hour.
But you just had to have a go??

Perfectly1mperfect · 18/01/2019 17:41

I am shocked that they did not even offer you melanformic acid to reduce the flow

I use this. I helps a little with the pain for a couple of hours but not with much else.

MrsDrudge · 18/01/2019 17:42

YANBU I think head of PE well out of order, bordering on bullying. People like her are the ones who put young girls and women off sport for life. I hope your daughter is ok and continues to enjoy PE .

marycodie · 18/01/2019 17:42

I made excuses to get out of cross country running which I hated, and would still hate if I had to do it.

JacquesHammer · 18/01/2019 17:42

But you just had to have a go??

That isn’t having a go.

It’s asking why when YOU have to change every 20 minutes you suggest someone who leaks isn’t changing often enough.

Just bizarre.

marycodie · 18/01/2019 17:45

jacques Are you actually reading all my comments?
I said I had to change every 20 mins before taking melanformic acid and said that anyone who had to change more often than once an hour needed to go to their GP for this.
You said it did not work for everyone.
I apologised and said I did not know that.
You had a go.
Yes you are being deliberately antagonistic.

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 18/01/2019 17:47

maisy

I am more than aware people make excuses

Im not stupid Grin

But a categoric 'quite a few' when discussing women on this particular thread i find annoying

2 people have admitted they have lied about their periods

Far far more have explained how they suffer

But we are going with the 'girls lie about their periods' rather than 'girls can have very painful debilitating periods'

Two different messages in my mind

And i would love for you to point out where posters en masse have denied that people make excuses to get out of stuff

And i mean en masse...not quite a few Smile

So to clarify...yes some girls lie about their periods, some girls really suffer