AIBU regarding PE teacher, DD and her period?

[Tink2007]

My DD is nearly 13. She’s been having periods for 8/9 months. She came on yesterday. She said it was quite heavy and she didn’t feel comfortable doing PE today as she was worried about leaks and it being so heavy just left her feeling uncomfortable.

She’s never missed a PE lesson, she has done PE whilst on her period but it has always coincided with the end so has always been lighter. I said it was fine and I would jot a note in her student diary (as required) especially seeing as it was the first time she has come to me and said “‘Mum, I don’t feel comfortable with this today.”

So imagine my surprise when she came home from school and told me how PE went today. Her actual PE teacher was fine with her not doing PE but said the final decision was with the head of PE.

Now given she didn’t have her PE kit, she had a note and expressed her discomfort with doing PE I wa surprised that the head of PE tried all manner of ways to make her do PE, telling her a period couldn’t be “that bad”, she wouldn’t accept it as a reason again. Then said if she had a spare PE kit she would have made her do it, asked the other PE teacher to make her do it in her school uniform (which the other teacher refused to do) and pulled her by the arm to a standing position to bat a shuttlecock back and forth towards the end of the lesson. She simply couldn’t accept she wasn’t doing it this lesson.

AIBU reasonable for being annoyed? In an age where we are supposed to be empowering young women to have their voices heard, be confident in what they feel comfortable and uncomfortable with and voicing that but yet this teacher seems happy to ignore it and physically pull my DD to her feet.

I should add I do know the teacher in question - she was my PE teacher 22 years ago and it does sound just like her to be honest.

Because - and here’s a controversial thought - they grow, and mature and understand different situations require different behaviour.
Eventually maybe. Not overnight though so 1 day at school, next day working their Saturday job in the supermarket.

well not all jobs are the same! I have never ever had a job where I have had to only go to the toilet at breaktime.

And good for you. I'm quite sure that you use the services provided by people who are subject to those rules though.

Would you be happy to wait for 10minutes while the cashier or the bus driver nipped off to the loo? I doubt that you would which is why employers put these rules in place - because customers would complain.

Its easier to get a "first job" ie straight from school that you actually like, because then you're not in the vicious circle of "ive only ever worked in retail therefore im stuck in retail"

Thanks for the patronising attitude. I've not had that job from school actually. I trained in a profession that I loved. Had to give it up due to illness though. Good to know what your opinion of retail workers is though.

Salem you sound quite deranged. You would push a teacher’s face into excrement to make her “behave like a human being”? I hope you have someone else to look after your dc when you’re in prison for assault.
By and large, teachers follow school policies If you think the policy is too draconian, take it up with management not the teacher who is probably trying to hang on to their job.
I think small children should probably get to go whenever they want but teenagers it needs to be case by case - of course teenagers meet each other in the toilets by arrangement, do it to relieve boredom, avoid work, and cause hundreds of pounds of damage through flooding. As always in life the well behaved majority are made to suffer because of how a minority behave - but what’s the solution?

Weetabix

If you actually bother to read my posts I didn't say the rules shouldn't be there, or should change

I said if its something you have a problem with, don't do a job with rules like that.

I don't have an "opinion" of retail workers, I was using it as an example of a job where you cannot nip to the loo when you feel like it.

Thanks for jumping to conclusions though, its almost like you want to be offended.

@2019Dancerz I think you sound disconnected to reality. Stop and think about it. If as a parent, you learned your child was feeling poorly and they needed badly to go to the toilet and repeatedly asked the teacher and they said no, and your poor child was forced to defecate themselves, don't tell me you wouldn't be livid. I would be shocked if dare say you wouldn't be. My reaction is simply that of any protective mama bear. And normal mother would have the same reaction, if not thoughts at least.

Ugh, terrible typos in my last post, sorry.

Maybe I’m just more in control than you as me being “livid” does not equate to me planning to causing physical harm to someone else. Just as well it’s me who is the teacher as you wouldn’t like the result if someone like you got mad at a pupil..
I of course understand feeling protective to your dc. In the situation you describe it would be a poor teacher who hadn’t spotted the genuine need. There are signs I look out for. Free for all does not work in secondaries though, though nor does a complete ban work imo.

Yanbu.

I said if its something you have a problem with, don't do a job with rules like that.

Many people don't have a choice, whether they like the rules or not

Op I’m glad the school are investigating proactively.

What was the wording on the note? It’s just if it was ‘x feels uncomfortable doing PE because of her heavy period’ that isn’t a note to excuse her from PE, if you actively said ‘X will not be doing PE because she has a heavy period today’ then the PE teacher should not have questioned and got the Head of PE to make the call.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to get your dd to hit a shuttlecock around gently in her school uniform instead of the PE lesson but I do think the way it was handled wasn’t good.

Personally I think we should be allowed to decide what we do when we have a period. It's even slightly Draconian to have to have a note. Women have periods which sometimes make you feel shit and uncomfortable and I think part of growing up should be that girls can make their own decisions as to what they feel able to do. Yes there will always be piss takers but that's the case with other things all through life.
Just because some people can plough on doesn't mean that's right for everyone imo

Reastie The note said “DD will not be taking part in PE today due to a unusually heavy period. She will be returning to PE for the next lesson which is on Tuesday. If you wish to discuss it, please do feel free to contact me on this number. Yours sincerely, Tink2007”

Reastie Doing PE in school uniform is not allowed at all by orders of the head teacher which is why my DDs actual PE teacher said no when it was suggested by the Head of PE.

All those saying she should have carried on well i wonder then if you have suffered the misery of a really heavy,cramping period .OP YADNBU ,if that had been my daughter i would be wanting to speak to the teacher to hear her reasoning as she showed zero empathy .I used to suffer awfully and it was hard enough then to go work ,i certainly wouldn't have wanted to do any type of pe .At that age girl's periods can change each month until they settle .She was wrong and could do with a lesson in empathy.

Well it isn't that easy to just find another job is it and someone still has to do the job even if it isn't me. So regardless of whether it's me or another employee the fact remains that in plenty of jobs employees don't have unrestricted access to the toilet and that isn't a breach of human rights

I agree it's not easy to find another job. However, given that it's the job you do, only you can do anything about toilet breaks.
I have not worked in a shop since my "Saturday job" back in the 80s but Still I was never denied the toilet.
Train drivers and bus drivers have actual places they can stop for loo breaks. The bus drivers have various shops and pubs on a route. Train drivers have stations and time built into stops. Plus toilets actually on the train which while its standing can still be used. Granted they may not have long, but Still not denied.
I work in a factory on min wage and still not one person is stopped from using the loo whenever. And yet breaks are timed to the minute.go figure.

Tink then the situ your dd was put in and the way the head of PE was involved was not reasonable.

Train drivers and bus drivers have timed breaks at certain times. No one said people were not allowed to go to the toilet, just that they had to wait for their break to do so.

Plus toilets actually on the train which while its standing can still be used. Granted they may not have long, but Still not denied.
Yes it is for drivers, there are very short timed stops.

No one said people were not allowed to go to the toilet, just that they had to wait for their break to do so

Which again brings the point that it is - for the majority of adults without medical conditions - easier to plan one’s toilet needs than it is for a child.

How can anyone disagree with giving girls autonomy over their own bodies?

Op I would be livid in this situation and yadnbu.

Well, quite a few posters on here describe how they lied about their periods to avoid having to do PE or swimming so I guess that answers that question

Ive read 5 pages and so far ive only found 1 person saying that

I know ive seen at least one other person

But if i get to page 18 and there is still only those two im gonna be pissed .

Train drivers and bus drivers have timed breaks at certain times. No one said people were not allowed to go to the toilet, just that they had to wait for their break to do so

Train drivers do yea my mistake, but what's the longest time between stops? Round my way the longest is 30 mins. But most trains stop every few minutes in a station, waiting for lights etc. Even the 30 minute stop is also a driver change.

Finished page 10

And still only 1