To be pissed off that I was asked if I was my friend's Mum...

[tiredmama25]

So, for context. I'm 30 and my friend is nearly 28. She's just had a baby and is recovering from a c-section so I offered to go to her HV with her to get baby weighed.

We went into the room and sat down, HV started talking and then said "are you Grandma?" looking at me - after digesting what she'd said I replied "erm, no!" She then said Sister? Friend? I said just a friend. She apologised and went on to tell another "horrifying" story about how she'd asked someone if it was their Mum and it was their wife. Perhaps she hadn't learnt from last time.

Honestly, I can't shake it off it has really upset me. At the end she was like I'm sorry for asking if you were Grandma, I said "to be honest I am pretty offended, I'm only 30 so I can only hope you think my friend is a teenage mother as she's only 2 years younger than me". She said she did think she was younger.

I may be more sensitive than normal as I'm currently pregnant myself but she's just made me feel so shit. I'm paranoid I look in my 40's now or something which I really didn't think I did. Perhaps I should get booked in for some Botox.

AIBU to think she should be more careful with her assumptions? Surely starting with sister would be less risky even if I did look 35/40 whatever.

God I feel so shit about it. Can't even drink the wine.

Yabu get over it, she didn't mean any offence. Your friend just looks much younger then you, that's life

I get mistaken for dh's mother from time to time. Especially on holiday. I just laugh.

Yabu. Hv doesn't have time to study your appearance in depth. It's probably more that your friend looks youthful than you look old.

I had this happen to me once and I was mortified. I was 32 and my friend was 28 and some douchebag asked if I was her mother. It was made worse by my friend telling all of our colleagues what had happened.

The crazy thing is, I still get asked for ID when buying alcohol and sometimes even when I buy lottery tickets! No idea why he thought I could have been her mother.

I would expect anyone who works with the public to know not to make that kind of assumption - poor form!

My friend is often mistaken for his mother's husband, just assume the HV wasn't wearing her glasses today :) It happens sometimes that we all guess randomly wrong.

Oh dear...my colleague is often mistaken for my mother but she's only 10 yrs older than me, we just have a laugh about it because it's pretty obvious she's not! Try not to over think it

Yanbu. To be someone's mum you're likely to be at least 16 years older than them at the very minimum. Most people would be offended to be asked if they're 16 years older than they are! Saying that it's probably just something she says so often it just slipped out without even thinking about it

You need to get over it. She probably didn't even look at your properly. Just usually when a woman attends it's the grandma.

I think you need to try and laugh this off. It's very unlikely that you look 20+ yrs older than you are. Some people just blurt things out without thinking, perhaps she had poor eyesight etc.

My friend was once mistaken for my mum. We were both 22 at the time!!

I got mistaken for my sister's mum at a wedding and she is 3 years younger than me. Worse still was the fact my mum was at the wedding as well and we were all on the same table.

I'm sure she said it without thinking. 😊

Some people are absolutely hopeless at estimating ages. This says more about the HV’s professionalism than it says about your looks OP, just put it out of your mind

Have posted this before

My 19 year old sister paid for me to get my eyebrows done at the local Benefit Brow bar for my upcoming wedding. I was 24 and 6 months pregnant with DT. I was asked if i was her mum

Similar(ish) happened to me before. I was around 30 and brought my 60 year old mum to a hospital appointment. The doctor asked me if I was her sister. I too was massively insulted, although he tried to wriggle his way out of it by insisting that we looked like sisters as my mum looked so young (he obviously knew her age as she was a patient)

Try not to over think it op. I know it is shitty, but she's probably the type that just blurts out the first thing that comes into her head, probably because it's usually the grandma attending these appointments

Well the people likely to be there with a mum and a new baby are grandparents and partners. It’s not a spectator sport, wait outside for her.
The hv’s have a job to do and flattering your ego isn’t one of them.

She said it without looking at you properly and without thinking. Seeing as you pulled her up on it she probably won't do it again.

Just to let you know, I was stopped in the street by a woman with a clipboard who was doing a survey. "I'm stopping women over the age of 45 to ask them.....blah blah etc". I was 21! Now that did make me feel a bit

You need to get over it. She probably didn't even look at your properly. Just usually when a woman attends it's the grandma

My husband has been mistaken for his mother's husband on three separate occasions in different hotels. We generally book a double and a single room and they always assume the single is for me and the double is for them. I think I've managed to gloss over it each time, and dh and mil haven't noticed. I can only assume it's because they both have grey hair and I don't.

I think when folks are regularly dealing with lots of different people they just don't look very closely.

Don't worry OP, when I was 38 I was picking up DS 1 from school (yr 1) and the (new) teacher looked at me and said 'Are you Granny?'
I've always assumed that I've got a head start on ageing since then

Get a grip for heaven sake , and perhaps a sense of humour .You may be expecting but really ,if a silly mistake like that is the worst thing you have to worry about then your life sounds not too bad at all . When I was a teenage I was regularly mistaken for a boy as I was tall,flat chested and had short hair , you can be offended or laugh it off . Life is short so chill and save your indignation for more serious things

Whilst she was looking at you, she was probably looking through you. She probably has 9 billion other things on her mind, and more usually it will be the grandmother not a friend there. I doubt she meant to cause offence. She apologized. Move on.

girlandboy
bloody hell!

People always think my dad is my husband. I don't think he looks particularly young for his age which must mean I look haggered. I'm 31 and he is 58. When I was 13 my younger brother was assaulted (aged 9) and had to be interviewed by the police. My dad took me along and the police officer thought my brother was my son and my dad my husband... Not looking good for me at all.
I just laugh now.

Thanks for the stories of similar things happening, it's making me feel better. I know not the only one.

As for the spectator sport comment I have had two babies of my own and many a HV weigh in visit. I had no burning desire to go into the room, I was there for my friend who asked if I would go in with her. I offered to wait outside. Wish I had now to be fair.

Going to purchase some anti wrinkle cream.

I know I need to get over it, I need to be told because I'm not very good at not letting things get to me.

When ds 20 had cut off his finger at work (chef), I had to take him daily to get his stitches checked. As I was ebf I had to also take newborn ds. A nurse assumed he was the df!! Poor ds was mortified - especially as he had been trying to catch the eye of another nurse!! He must have looked a right twat!!
Still rib him about it!

It's shit when this happens (and it's happening to me far too often for my liking these days).

My sister and I look vaguely alike and someone asked if we were twins. She's 11 years older than me.