To be pissed off that I was asked if I was my friend's Mum...

[tiredmama25]

So, for context. I'm 30 and my friend is nearly 28. She's just had a baby and is recovering from a c-section so I offered to go to her HV with her to get baby weighed.

We went into the room and sat down, HV started talking and then said "are you Grandma?" looking at me - after digesting what she'd said I replied "erm, no!" She then said Sister? Friend? I said just a friend. She apologised and went on to tell another "horrifying" story about how she'd asked someone if it was their Mum and it was their wife. Perhaps she hadn't learnt from last time.

Honestly, I can't shake it off it has really upset me. At the end she was like I'm sorry for asking if you were Grandma, I said "to be honest I am pretty offended, I'm only 30 so I can only hope you think my friend is a teenage mother as she's only 2 years younger than me". She said she did think she was younger.

I may be more sensitive than normal as I'm currently pregnant myself but she's just made me feel so shit. I'm paranoid I look in my 40's now or something which I really didn't think I did. Perhaps I should get booked in for some Botox.

AIBU to think she should be more careful with her assumptions? Surely starting with sister would be less risky even if I did look 35/40 whatever.

God I feel so shit about it. Can't even drink the wine.

The only thing I'd take away from this OP, is that some people are monumentally shit at estimating age. I was on holiday with my mum and we met and got on well with a married female couple. My mum remarked after a few days that she'd thought they were mother and daughter. Honestly, they looked the same age

I am 2 years younger than my sister, and one of her neighbours assumed I was her mum.
Last year, I was looking forward to going on a river trip until the woman selling the tickets said "Your ticket is cheaper because you're over 60" (I was 49)
I too my elderly mum to pay for her OAP's
holiday (the average age was 75) and one of the blikes assumed I was one of the OAPs

God if I posted a photo I'd probably be ripped to shreds and told I look about fifty.

I'm not sure if what I actually look like is even relevant, I suppose there are people who look a lot older than their years. I genuinely didn't think I look any older than my actual age maybe that's why it's bothered me - that I may have a warped reflection of myself!

blokes

It's probably because I have grey hair and many women my age (51) dye their hair. That's my excuse.

What is acceptable from friends or acquaintances or people you’ve never met isn’t always acceptable from professionals.

In that case, she shouod ave been much more careful about what she said and she was very unprofessional to make that assumption. Esp as she already has made a similar listake before.
A woman coming with a new mum can be anyone. The mother of the child/partner if the new mum, a friend, family member, she has no way to say.
Imagine if the OP had been the partner of the new mum and the mum of the baby

YABU, no offence was meant the focus wasn't on you it was on mum and baby and it usually is the Grandparent attending, she probably only glanced at you, in the trick of the light/ wrong angle we can all look a different age (younger or older) and maybe this day you just happened to look a little older (tiredness can do this) and she younger. I imagine she was embarrassed herself. Lighten up, I'm sure you make the odd mistake and wish you could have taken something back.

Twice, very short sighted, tactless people in need of new specs have mistaken me for DH’s mum. I felt cross at the time. It’s not on! You feel as angry as you like. You’ve got my permission!

I doubt she even looked at you at all, she probably is just so used to seeing women with their mums that she asked without thinking.

When I was 14 I got mistaken for my 11 year old brother mum!! I was horrified!

A colleague once saw a photo of my husband and three teenagers on my desk at work and said 'I didn't know you had four children'. She mistook my husband who is eight years older than me for my son. It made me feel anxious about how I was ageing so I know how you feel! But try not to dwell on it, she could have poor eyesight!

A few years ago my lovely friend told me she was bringing her mum to the school concert. In the evening I rushed over to them and, trying to be nice, said "Oh hi you must be X's mum". It was her not much older colleague. She laughed it off but friend said she was upset. Honestly, I am a twit, I didn't really look at her, she didn't look the right age with hinsight etc etc. Having said that a HCP should know better. Don't dwell on it.

Aw op, I know people are saying get over it but it is easier said than done! It would have really annoyed me too but try not to read too much into it, people all have brain farts.
When I started going out with dh, we were in a shop waiting for a friend and a man came past and said 'are you two gentlemen in the queue'... I never thought I was masculine looking before then, it bothered me for a little while then decided some people are just not too smart and it didn't mean anything. Dp still thinks it's hilarious though!

I'd be pretty pissed at that OP. Maybe she didn't look at you properly, was tired and just presumed you were granny?

No - I don't think YABU to be pissed off. I think it would be VU to dwell on it though! Cultivate some resilience people think and often say stupid things ALL the time for a million reasons. Quite a few potential reasons have been offered. It's probably pretty safe to say you don't look like your friends mum. Forget about it!

Ha! Went out with s ister, 4 years younger, for meal. She ordered hers and the charming young waiter, turning to me, said, ' and for mama?'

I remember being on the bus with my mum when I was 11 and meeting an old school friend of hers who was also on there. Mum introduced me as her daughter and her friend then asked me where I worked.

About fifteen years later I was always being told that I didn't look old enough to be the parent of my two young children.

More recently I bought something which was age restricted in a supermarket and went through the self service checkouts. I had to wait for the assistant to come and approve the item, she looked at the screen, looked at me, SNORTED and said, "Yep!" and then pressed the button that says "customer is clearly over 25"!

Swings and roundabouts.

It’s horrible when this sort of thing happens .

People can be very stupid sometimes! When I was 24, I was in Tesco with my (giant bruiser) 15 and 11 year old cousins and the cashier went “awwww are these your kids?” I looked horrified and said, “are you joking? I’m 24!” and she said “You could have had them young! Nothing wrong with that these days.” I said, “Sorry you must have misheard, I said TWENTY four not THIRTY four”. She just blankly said “Yeah, I knew that’s what you said. I just wanted to know if these are your children.” The 15year old lad said “You do realise she was 9 when I was born, don’t you?” and then she said “Well I can’t understand why a grown woman is going around with two children if they are hers. It’s unusual to say the least.”

I’m now thirty four and a random woman I’ve never met blurted out at me “Your mother must have been very old when she had you.” I just replied that she’d been 38 and she said “I thought that. These mothers like yours never think when they’re having babies in their forties that you’ll be young when they’re old and it’s very unfair.” I replied that my mother still works and that she didn’t plan to have me, I was an accident and then I realised - I’ve never met this woman, and she’s clearly unhinged so I buggered the hell off.

The HV is probably just a bit dense and tactless. Hopefully you can realise she most likely didn’t “see” you and that it’s nothing to do with you looking decades older. It is hurtful but most likely says more about her than you.

She sounds like someone who is bad at guessing ages, so she should probably stop trying.

I think its hard to tell age these days. Kids look like adults ( all the contouring make up and hair, lashes tan etc) and adults try all sorts to look younger (botox, fillers, face creams fancy makeup) so it can be difficult to make the distinction. Plus we all age differently. I would be hurt too but don't take it to heart.

Oh dear OP! It’s likely she didn’t look at you properly and then sat with her foot in her mouth the rest of the day!

That said, it goes both ways; I was asked the other day if my Mum or Dad were in when I answered the door

I am quite short. Many years ago I was visiting a friend in a European country and one of the people in her village assumed I was her daughter. "No, I may be lacking in gravitas but I am an actual adult,not a large child." I was mortified. Also- my friend doesn't look old, the person was a moron. However I will sat as I have gotten older I find it harder to judge ages. I used to be great at it. Could that be it OP?

where I work we hand out prescriptions and have to mark out who has taken it e.g. self, mother , friend so we ask name and address before we give it out and because it's busy don't really study up the age of the person so I once said are you husband and it was her son he was offended even though I explained i had not looked at the age. Now I always just say what relation are you ? so maybe she should do that but she won't have even looked at you I bet you a busy clinic and saw a women come in and assumed grandma

A colleague asked us all to guess his age. I refused but he pushed and pushed, so I made sure to knock off a good 15 years as he was obviously sensitive about it. I still overestimated by 7 years (he was 27, not 45!). He was gutted, poor man.

DH can trump that!

DD is 15. Two new friends (the same age as her) came over. DD introduced one friend as Ava and before she could introduce her other friend, DH said 'Hello Ava and mum. Pleased to meet you both'. He reckons he has 20 20 vision too. Awkward!!

I feel for you,op. What is it with these medical professionals? Just recently a consultant referred to me as 'sturdy' in his pre-op assessent - I am a size 6/8! Hoping he meant it differently!