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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want help with laundry

104 replies

Nayeds · 17/01/2019 07:16

Last night I had a furious anger explosion. I just couldn't stop being so very angry. I asked my husband to just hang his OWN clean but damp underwear on the clothes horse. He wouldn't do it. This made me more furious. I told him do his own laundry from now on but I cannot bear it building up in the basket and smelling the whole upstairs out. AIBU to PUSH him into doing his own laundry? The most housework he does is empty the bins (sometimes he forgets and guess who does it then). He won't even wash a dish after himself.

When he lived with his mother until he met me (at 28, I was 18) his mother did EVERYTHING for him-even iron his clothes! I need some tips to make him see I'm at the end of my tether clearing up his dirty mess! Or am I simply being unreasonable?

OP posts:
DarkStorm · 17/01/2019 07:19

Just stop doing ANYTHING for him. He doesn’t respect you as sees you as his personal maid.

His dirty laundry will build up so much he won’t have anything clean to wear and he will have to do something about it.

Does he have any good qualities?

I couldn’t live with a man-child.

Goandplay · 17/01/2019 07:21

You can’t force him to do it.

You can ignore his washing. Leave his washing in the basket. Don’t mention the washing anymore. His lesson will be learnt when he runs out of clothes, but not till then. Don’t do his washing even when he seems to say the right things. Let him bring his own washing up to date if and when you decide to do his washing again.

Original poster
Nayeds · 17/01/2019 07:27

I will. But what about the smell? Also...his mother has bought him a MOUNTAIN of clothes over the years...I suppose it WILL run our in the end though. You're right about the man child comment. After these clean clothes are dry he can go and swivel. When I threatened last night I'll stop washing his socks and boxers, he said he'll wash what he needs in our bathroom sink! Where I brush my teeth and wash my face! Urgh.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nayeds · 17/01/2019 07:28

Run out*

OP posts:
LovingLola · 17/01/2019 07:28

Have you children ?

Original poster
Nayeds · 17/01/2019 07:29

No I can't have children.

OP posts:
Goandplay · 17/01/2019 07:29

Just ignore him. Don’t engage anymore regarding the washing.

I don’t think dirty washing will smell that much.
Put dirty clothes on black bags and store elsewhere.
I doubt it will come to this, he will have his favourite clothes.

Original poster
Nayeds · 17/01/2019 07:30

Yup! He's got his favourites. Ok, black bag time. Doing that ASAP.

OP posts:
LovingLola · 17/01/2019 07:31

Is there any particular joy he brings to your life??

Sexnotgender · 17/01/2019 07:31

He sounds revolting Confused

And unfortunately you are being unreasonable to ask for ‘help’. Hanging up laundry isn’t helping you, it isn’t your bloody job!

Sorry but such a useless man child would be an utter turn off for me.

gerispringer · 17/01/2019 07:32

When you are in a calm mood, maybe suggest to him it might be good to get a cleaner, one of his/ her jobs will be laundry. You will split the cost. Or maybe get one of those big zip up laundry bags - put all his dirty stuff in there and put outside or send to his mums.

TeddyIsaHe · 17/01/2019 07:32

God, never ever have children with this man! Seriously. They don’t get better or change.

Stop doing anything for him! You’re not his mother, you’re his partner. Ie EQUALS. It drives me insane when men act like this.

Sexnotgender · 17/01/2019 07:34

God, never ever have children with this man!

OP has stated they can’t have children.

TeddyIsaHe · 17/01/2019 07:36

Sorry op, I was typing and didn’t catch that info until after I’d posted my message.

Original poster
Nayeds · 17/01/2019 07:37

Well as I said I can't have children. So I won't ever be having any with any man sadly. I love kids hence why I come on MN. Does he bring any joy to me? Sometimes. We get on otherwise. And the person who said I'm not his mother hit the nail on the head.

OP posts:
Goandplay · 17/01/2019 07:37

I have a teenager. If he can’t get the washing into the washing basket it doesn’t get done. Regardless of what it is. If this causing him problems-lesson learnt.

It’s about respect.

Original poster
Nayeds · 17/01/2019 07:37

It's ok, don't apologise. We all make mistakes. Xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Nayeds · 17/01/2019 07:38

I've just put all his into a black bag. Feel a bit more upbeat now. Thanks ladies for your advice. Xx

OP posts:
LuckyAmy1986 · 17/01/2019 07:39

YANBU in the slightest bit surely you knew this about him before now?!

Original poster
Nayeds · 17/01/2019 07:40

Well. Before he would do something like his laundry if I ASKED and I didn't mind then. But last night just infuriated me.

OP posts:
Fairylea · 17/01/2019 07:41

Why do his dirty clothes smell so much, doesn’t he wash?? Sounds awful.

Shoxfordian · 17/01/2019 07:42

Put the bin bag out for the rubbish while you're at it

Original poster
Nayeds · 17/01/2019 07:44

Of course he washes! I just mean that lingering laundry could build up a stink. He's not bodily unhygienic. I won't sit here and say he's a manky bastard lol. Bit harsh. Also, I normally keep his clothes clean so obviously he doesn't smell.

OP posts:
TulipsInbloom1 · 17/01/2019 07:44

Do you work FT time? Why on earth then is he allowed to just not do anything? How have you put up with this for so long?

sackrifice · 17/01/2019 07:45

I think you need to get out of the mindset of asking him for help.

He is part of the household so needs to pull his weight, not help you.