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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want help with laundry

104 replies

Nayeds · 17/01/2019 07:16

Last night I had a furious anger explosion. I just couldn't stop being so very angry. I asked my husband to just hang his OWN clean but damp underwear on the clothes horse. He wouldn't do it. This made me more furious. I told him do his own laundry from now on but I cannot bear it building up in the basket and smelling the whole upstairs out. AIBU to PUSH him into doing his own laundry? The most housework he does is empty the bins (sometimes he forgets and guess who does it then). He won't even wash a dish after himself.

When he lived with his mother until he met me (at 28, I was 18) his mother did EVERYTHING for him-even iron his clothes! I need some tips to make him see I'm at the end of my tether clearing up his dirty mess! Or am I simply being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
Nayeds · 17/01/2019 07:45

Ok ok I'm angry yes....but I doubt this is grounds for divorce. Do all your husbands/partners do their laundry?

OP posts:
UpTree · 17/01/2019 07:45

It’s your own fault for living with a man who’s never lived on his own first.
Best advice my mum ever gave me.

LuckyAmy1986 · 17/01/2019 07:46

I don’t blame you. We all have our cracking point!

Original poster
Nayeds · 17/01/2019 07:46

Yes sakrifice. I agree.

OP posts:
UpTree · 17/01/2019 07:46

Yes, my dh is fab. He cooks, cleans, tidies, does stuff with the kids he’s amazing

DarkStorm · 17/01/2019 07:46

If you both work, housework should be split equally.

If he refuses to hang HIS wet laundry up then leave it in a heap on the floor. His attitude is horrible.

After I split with exDP it dawned on me that he had never actually been in love with me. He didn’t love me, he loved what I did for him. Once I stopped doing all his shit for him, his true feelings about me became clear.

Love means respect, wanting another person to be happy, caring about their feelings. Not expecting them to do all the shit you don’t want to do and not giving a shit about their feelings.

Sit him down and tell him you are doing this anymore and big changes need to happen. His reaction will be telling.

LuckyAmy1986 · 17/01/2019 07:47

My DH does the family laundry 50% of the time among many other household chores! No way would I be with someone who expected me to do everththing.

Original poster
Nayeds · 17/01/2019 07:47

It's MY fault? I had never lived with anyone either...

OP posts:
LuckyAmy1986 · 17/01/2019 07:48

It’s not your fault he is like this but I guess people are surprised you would put up with it. Why would he do anything himself If you are doing it all?

Original poster
Nayeds · 17/01/2019 07:48

Thanks for the people who helped me on this thread. Thanks for those who gave constructive advice. I will follow that advice and update in a month to report on progress.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 17/01/2019 07:48

My fiance does my laundry as well as his

Does your partner do anything useful?

Shoxfordian · 17/01/2019 07:49

Its not your fault but you've been facilitating this shit by doing it all

LuckyAmy1986 · 17/01/2019 07:49

Good luck OP

Original poster
Nayeds · 17/01/2019 07:49

Ok but I'm divorcing him over the laundry lol

OP posts:
TulipsInbloom1 · 17/01/2019 07:49

Do all your husbands/partners do their laundry?

My dh does laundry (everyones), cleans, tidies, vacuums, makes beds, strips beds, decorates, mops, bins, shopping, childcare, buying gifts, taking kids to swimming, picking up from minders, etc etc.

He doesn't do ALL of this, but half. Just like I do. Why the fuck wouldn't he do half of whatever is needed doing in the house?

Original poster
Nayeds · 17/01/2019 07:53

I mentioned above tulips, I didn't mind so far. We both work FT

OP posts:
Mumofaprinny · 17/01/2019 07:55

A laundry basket with a secure lid to keep in the smell? It’s the only thing that’s going to work!😁

Original poster
Nayeds · 17/01/2019 07:55

Maybe in my anger I failed to mention stuff he does do. Mainly financial stuff. Like he deals with important house appointments etc. I think maybe it's the way I was brought up? I thought women did the cleaning etc and I do the cleaning better. Idk.

OP posts:
mildshock · 17/01/2019 07:56

I do 90% of the laundry, but only because I'm anal about it and I want to. DP does 90% of the washing up, because I hate doing it. Everything else is pretty much 50/50.

If I had to do everything then I'd seriously consider leaving him if he refused to change.

Do you have a spare or mostly unused room you can use to put all of his bin bags in. I'd dump everything in a spare room (including his dishes) and leave him to it.

UpTree · 17/01/2019 07:57

Okay, so not ALL your fault but you have played a part in this, particularly as you have never lived alone (or with friends/flat mates) first.

So you both came from the same situation.... how did this happen then? You are partly to blame. You have enabled his behaviour

I think it is stupid to move in with a person who has only ever lived with their mother

Original poster
Nayeds · 17/01/2019 07:57

Mumofapriny lol I got it in a black bag ATM but glad you're the only one who agrees washing can smell where others thought we were stinking haha

OP posts:
Original poster
Nayeds · 17/01/2019 07:57

I agree 100% uptree.

OP posts:
AlexaShutUp · 17/01/2019 07:57

Do all your husbands/partners do their laundry?

Mine does, always has. He used to sometimes do dd's as well, but now she does her own. He also cooks, cleans, hovers, dusts etc. He is a capable adult, why wouldn't he?

I would not stay in a relationship with someone who expected me to be their household slave.

UpTree · 17/01/2019 07:58

Well if that’s how you think, what are you complaining about?... Does he flip out in anger at you if you haben’t helped him with making appointments?

LuckyAmy1986 · 17/01/2019 07:58

Tbh I
Wouldn’t Leave his washing out and black bags etc until you have sat down and had really serious conversation with him about it when you are both calm.