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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Leaving baby or young children overnight

76 replies

Grumpos · 16/01/2019 10:24

Posting for traffic.

Genuinely interested as this theme keeps coming up in my life due to recently having a baby.

Wellmeaning (?) Friends and family keep insisting that I should leave said baby overnight with grandparents etc., so I can both have a good nights sleep (we’re currently in sleep regression hell) or I can have a night out with my partner to reconnect and relax (this would be nice but we’re actually fine and happy with no issues).

Baby goes to grandparents for the odd few hours here and there every week and I do get some of my own time, not loads but enough.

At this point in time I’m not ready for baby to stay out. One friend (childless) who keeps saying how when she has a baby will enlist family to help for at least 2 overnights a week is repeatedly commenting how I should start letting my baby do the same.

I won’t go into the personals of mine or my parents parents but for work and health reasons this isn’t even something I’d ask them to do even if I felt I or baby were ready.

So all personal choice but I’m interested, am I the minority to feel I do not want my baby away overnight whilst he is still young (5 months) or is it quite the done thing?

I don’t want him never to stay with family, just maybe when he is sitting up, fully weaned, sleeping better etc.

Bit of a ramble but it’s one of those subjects every Tom dick and Harry wants to lecture me on since I got pregnant!

OP posts:

LisaSimpsonsbff · 16/01/2019 10:29

I can't imagine leaving my six month old overnight with anyone but DH for a long time yet - and I'm back at work, so it's not that I can't imagine being away from him at all. I also can't imagine my parents (in their 60s) or PIL (in their 70s) to get up multiple times a night - I sort of thought sleeping through was a prerequisite to thinking it was reasonable to leave them. Horses for courses - I don't think there's anything wrong if other people do overnights with grandparents younger - but I don't think you're being at all weird here.

Janetizzy30 · 16/01/2019 10:30

Unfortunately people love to stick their noses in when you've had a baby. If you and your partner are happy atm with your current arrangement then stick to it. And ignore others. Only you know when the time is right to leave your baby with trusted people for a night. Those who don't have children saying about family having theirs when they do have a baby twice a week is ridiculously laughable as they have no clue. From a mom of 4 well adjusted boys much love. You do you

Original poster

Grumpos · 16/01/2019 10:33

Exactly my thoughts! My parents are in their 70s...can’t imagine either of them nipping down to make a bottle at 1am then up at multiple times to soothe or coax back to sleep.

My partner is happy to leave baby with his mum as she’s had a lot of experience with babies and is a bit younger than mine. But still, she lives 35 minutes away, that’s a long drive if something went wrong.

OP posts:

Moominfan · 16/01/2019 10:34

Each to their own. Whatever you do someone will have an opinion on it. Mine stopped out at 4months with my mum. Planned on going out but just caught up on precious sleep and cleaned. Time just flew. When he was just under a year I buggered off skiing for a few days and left him with his dad. Got sooo many comments from other women. If it was his dad though nobody would bat an eyelid but cause I'm a mum in pigeon holed, can't possibly do anything but be a carer. Anywho keep your baby, let them stay out. Whatever's right for you isn't going to be right for everyone so only bother pleasing yourself.

FlagFish · 16/01/2019 10:35

I’m surprised to hear you’ve experienced this. I think it’s quite unusual to leave a five month baby overnight.

MilfordFound · 16/01/2019 10:36

My daughter is 3, I've only ever had one night away from her, and that was when I was in hospital after c section when I had her baby brother. I wouldn't mind an evening out, but I'm in no rush! Some people are happy to leave small babies with other caregivers. I'm not one of those people, and I don't have anyone to look after them even if I was.

Bambamber · 16/01/2019 10:37

My daughter is a shit sleeper and is almost 2. I haven't and wouldn't inflict her inability to sleep well on other people. I've also never felt I needed a night away from her. You just do what works for you

DemToes · 16/01/2019 10:38

My DS is 19 months and hasn't spent a night away from me. If he did my anxiety would be through the roof! He's also not ready, as any night away from his cot always results in weeks of routine disruption and it's just not worth it for one night at his grandparents.

I'm anticipating DS will be around 2 when he is ready for a night away, but I'll only be doing so when he is ready.

You'll know when the time is right for you

vodkaanddietcokeplease · 16/01/2019 10:38

I think whatever suits the parents is fine.

My DD is 8 and a half months and has slept out 5 times - 4 because we were at events (weddings etc) and once because we needed the sleep.

It's only been at my parents who live a 7 minute drive away and who she sees every day as they have her the days we are both at work. They can honestly settle her as well I either me or DH can.

Some people will think this is far too much for a baby to be sleeping out - I think it's nice for her GPs to spend that time with her (and they agree) and nice for me and DH to spend some time together.

It's each to their own OP, just whatever you feel comfortable with

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 16/01/2019 10:38

Dd has stayed overnight with my parents since she was very small- however, DH and I were both comfortable with it. They will always follow any request re routine, feeding etc to the letter and if there was anything they were unsure of or wanted to check with us, they’d call straight away.

Every parent is different, but for us the chance to get an unbroken night’s sleep while dd was with people who we trusted was a lifesaver.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 16/01/2019 10:39

I've also found that my friends with no children occasionally have madly unrealistic ideas of what they'll do when they have them. I'm sure I did too. Nod and smile.

kaytee87 · 16/01/2019 10:41

My ds wasn't left overnight until he was 14 months (that was in his own house), then overnight at his granny's at 16 months. He wasn't looked after by anyone other than a parent until he was 5 (almost 6 months).
People nagged at me too saying he'd be overly clingy. I don't see why other people get so involved tbh.
He's no more clingy than any other toddler now he's 2.5. I went back to work 17.5 hours a few months ago and he happily goes to each gran once a week and nursery once a week.
He also happily stays at grandparents once every month or so now so we can go out.
I'm perfectly happy with the way we've done things and my son is a happy, well adjusted boy who loves both of his grandparents.

reetgood · 16/01/2019 10:42

My baby is not a great sleeper. I left him with his dad overnight and went to my parents house to sleep for the first time recently. My baby is 12 months old!

I wouldn’t inflict his 2-3 hour waking cycle on anyone but his dad tbh. Mil has baby sat for us for a couple of hours. The last time she insisted on waving us out the door and that she could settle him. Came back 2.5 hours later, he was just asleep on the sofa and she hadn’t had time to eat. I did try to tell her to let us settle him but she apparently needed to find it out the hard way...

That’s a long winded way of saying no, I wouldn’t leave my baby overnight. At 5 months he was still exclusively breastfed and reliant on night feeds for the calories too.

Stardustinmyeyes · 16/01/2019 10:42

First off, I would completely ignore your childless friend. She has no idea what hits you when you have a baby. She may feel very differently when she has children.

If it doesn't feel right to you don't let it happen yet, There is no right or wrong about this. You do what suits you.

BeardofZeus · 16/01/2019 10:42

Ive left my six month old for one night with dh for a party at a friend’s house and next week both dh and i are away for the night to celebrate our birthdays, and his sister is looking after the baby. She isn’t sleeping through yet, and is combi-fed, so i shall be pumping while away and SIL will have to make bottles up in the night etc. However, she offered and wants to do it so i say crack on!

Hotterthanahotthing · 16/01/2019 10:43

You do what you feel is right not someone else.I didn't leave mine overnight until she was about 18 months and she slept through from quite early on but I wouldn't have been able to relax.

Emma145 · 16/01/2019 10:44

My baby is 8 months and I've left him overnight once but that was with his Dad in our home and I was away. Not ready to leave him with anyone else , he also is a terrible sleeper so I would feel guilty someone other than me or his Dad having to get up multiple times a night.

I get the same comments from people saying i need to leave him, I don't really understand why they are so bothered as I don't care what they do with their children.

converseandjeans · 16/01/2019 10:44

It was never offered to us despite both being good sleepers! I had nights away very occasionally but DH had the kids.
I don't think it is that common

Thankfuckforgin · 16/01/2019 10:45

Nosy fuckers should stay out of it. It's a super personal choice and it's ofen massively based on the temperament of the baby, thr geographical location of suitable babysitters and the competence level (for whatever reason) of said babysitters. I have no one close by, I trust my own parents during the day for a one off (KIT days whilst I was on mat leave and very occasional dates with hubby close to their house) but my DS (now 1) has major separation anxiety since starting nursery and is also really hit and miss with sleeping. If it was a bad night I wouldn't trust that my parents would be able to settle him and I think it would be horrific all round so I'd rather avoid it! I really don't want to explain all of this to the similar nosy gits in my life who think I should be happy to fuck off for a weekend by now! For clarity, I do not judge mums who go away for a night much earlier. Maybe if I had when he was much younger he would be used to it? Who knows. Live and let live!

Thisonewilldo · 16/01/2019 10:46

Mine are 5 and 2 and I've never left tbem over night but it's more due to lack of opportunity!

I would happily have left them from about a year.

InDubiousBattle · 16/01/2019 10:46

My ds went to stay over night with my sister at 4 months. He was mix fed, slept through the night, I trust her explicitly and we both felt very comfortable doing it. We went out and had a lovely meal with too much wine for someone who hasn't drunk for ages, went home and didn't feel I had to pump milk, went to bed and woke up in the early hours covered in milk. Had to change all of the bedding etc so ended up getting less sleep than usual! Now our dc are 3 and just turned 5 and they go to my sister overnight every 2/3 months and it's lovely for them and we get a night out.

NopSlide · 16/01/2019 10:47

Its totally up to you but if they're offering I personally would JUMP at the chance. With my first I was very nervous about leaving him but it's really fiiiine and soooo nice to get a bit of space.

If I had someone willing to take my boys once a week of an evening I'd do it every week :P

FinallyFree123456789 · 16/01/2019 10:47

I left my 7 month old with my mum (43) overnight once. It was my birthday.

So what's right for you and your child. It doesn't matter what anyone did / does.

My dd is now 7 and has a sleepover once a week with my parents as I leave for work at 6:45 so it saves her getting up really early.

lily2403 · 16/01/2019 10:50

People said that to me, i just ignore them. Me and DH have plenty us time (grab when we can hahaha)

My Ds is 2 and has been away overnight twice.

Each to their own. Do what works for your family

TheGoogleMum · 16/01/2019 10:51

My baby is 9 weeks old and has already had 1 night staying with my sister. She is having a night with a friend soon and my parents have offered too. I've been really struggling with insomnia and appreciate the offers of help. I do feel bad because she's so young but these are all people who have kids themselves so know what to do and I trust them to look after her.

If you don't want to do it then don't of course but baby might not mind! I know mine didn't mind staying with her aunt but she's still so young she probably only half knows who I am

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