Leaving baby or young children overnight

[Grumpos]

Posting for traffic.

Genuinely interested as this theme keeps coming up in my life due to recently having a baby.

Wellmeaning (?) Friends and family keep insisting that I should leave said baby overnight with grandparents etc., so I can both have a good nights sleep (we’re currently in sleep regression hell) or I can have a night out with my partner to reconnect and relax (this would be nice but we’re actually fine and happy with no issues).

Baby goes to grandparents for the odd few hours here and there every week and I do get some of my own time, not loads but enough.

At this point in time I’m not ready for baby to stay out. One friend (childless) who keeps saying how when she has a baby will enlist family to help for at least 2 overnights a week is repeatedly commenting how I should start letting my baby do the same.

I won’t go into the personals of mine or my parents parents but for work and health reasons this isn’t even something I’d ask them to do even if I felt I or baby were ready.

So all personal choice but I’m interested, am I the minority to feel I do not want my baby away overnight whilst he is still young (5 months) or is it quite the done thing?

I don’t want him never to stay with family, just maybe when he is sitting up, fully weaned, sleeping better etc.

Bit of a ramble but it’s one of those subjects every Tom dick and Harry wants to lecture me on since I got pregnant!

Well if you EBF until at least 6 months it’s even tougher to leave them over night. Expressing is a ball ache and if you’re anything like me you’d have to ‘pump and dump’ every so often to prevent engorgement.

It’s not worthwhile when they’re so young really.

Having the occasional night away is totally normal, but only when you’re ready. 5 months is quite young. And you need healthy robust grandparents to be able to do it too.

We had a rare dinner out (not an overnight) from when our first was 7 months (but not the second as grandparents aren’t well enough to manage 2 of them). We didn’t have a night away though til ours was probably 2.5. That’s about the right age for me as they’re able to understand what’s happening and to follow directions.

It is amazing (so is time away alone while your partner stays at home, which is easier to arrange!). But it’s only amazing if you’re comfortable with it. And seriously, I can imagine your childless friend will find that friends and family tire quite quickly if her dumping her kids on them two nights a week! That’s a fairly laughable notion from someone with no concept of what it’s like to care for children 24/7.

My best friend let her parents have her twins over night when they were 7 weeks old, my DS is 2 and is going for his first overnight with grandparents this weekend. Each to their own. I couldn’t leave DS any earlier, still not sure I’m ready tbh, but my friend is happy to leave her kids! It’s personal choice.

Yanbu. My ds is 2.5 and he hasnt stayed overnight with anyone. Firstly he doesnt see any of our family members regularly enough for any of them to know his routine roughly or even how to comfort him should he need anything.
Secondly both dh and I never felt a reason to leave him behind if we did have plans. When you feel ready then thats when it's the right time, it's not for anyone to decide when your child stays apart from their parents.

My DD stayed overnight with DH's parents when she was 4 months old (we were at a wedding several hundred miles away, staying over). Pils lived very close to us and Gran used to pop in to see DD most days, so they were very familiar with each other. On the sleepover night, they had a lovely time together, unlike DH and me, who missed her so much we were on the road home by 7.30am...
It was many, many months before I was willing to leave her overnight again, and there have probably been less than 10 occasions in her whole life (now young adult).

As others have said, each to their own, but I think your friend might get a shock when she tries to enlist those "2 overnights a week" family and friends! Take no notice of those sticking their noses in - especially the ones who haven't a clue.

It’s the done thing for some families.

DD is 2.5 yrs and I have been away from her only once overnight and she was left with DH. She did not spend time without DH or I until she started nursery settling in session at 10 months.

PIL do baby sit on a evening about once a month but always the next day DD is a bit clingy.

My 5yo stays out twice a week and my 6 month old stays out maybe once every 5-6 weeks. Each to their own. None of their business.

My baby is 15 months old. We've left him for a few hours while we went to a wedding and for dinner with a voucher we had to use(not overnight) .
I'll leave him with DH overnight in June for one night when I go to a hen party.
We might leave him with my DM when he's two for a wedding. But we'll probably sleep in her house afterwards (an hour drive from the venue). I wouldn't consider it if I didn't "have to" for the wedding. I'm not ready to leave him!

It's entirely a personal choice and I don't think that there is a norm.

What does seem to be the norm is that when you have a baby, every fucker thinks they know what's best and that they can tell you what you should be doing.

It does eventually stop once they start school then everyone loses interest.

Mine (now 6 months) has stopped with MIL since 6 week.. however, I still put her to bed and am there when she wakes up, MIL pretty much does the night feeds.

If I wasn't comfortable then I wouldn't allow it. She is the only person I trust with her too.

Ignore them other people forcing there opinions on what’s good for your baby drive me mad. I’m still not ready to leave my 17month DS overnight.

My little one went for her first overnight just around her 1st birthday. She's always bn a great sleeper so I didn't have that worry. I was worried about them getting her to sleep though. Right enough she's usually in bed around 8pm, she didn't go down till after 11pm!

I had asked mil to let me know when she was asleep, I got a msg close to 11pm saying she was still awake but ok. I just wanted to go round and pick her up, she fell asleep 10mins later.

Your baby is still very young it's just whatever you feel comfortable with. It's a nice idea on paper but sometimes the reality is you'd rather just have them with you and not worry. Could you get someone to watch her at home and have an evening or dinner out?

We left DS with my DM (very willing, capable and able) when we went away for 1 night when he was 5 months old. As a 'treat'.
Although mum stayed at our house and I left detailed instructions of usual routine etc!

I spent the whole time worrying so wasn't exactly relaxing. But was quite nice even though I felt I was pretending to be a grown up again!

It wasn't until he was about 2 he went and stayed at mums without us. Again just one night and he was sleeping through by then. I still felt weird doing it.

Each to their own. But DS is now 5 and I still don't feel the need for time away from DS particularly. He's good fun, we do most stuff together. Sometimes a bit more peace and quiet would be nice to get stuff done would be nice, but at the moment I don't feel the need to ask anyone to have him just so I can have 'me' time. The occasional weddings and party's without kids when DM or DMIL babysit provide enough time 'going out out' couple time with DH IMHO!

With my first she had her first sleepover at around 5 months and has slept out every other weekend since. She loves it and MIL loves having her, she's always been a pretty reliable sleeper thought.

DS is 4 months and has slept out once. In the grips of the beginnings of PND I didn't have a choice. I couldn't cope, my mum saw that I was at breaking point and took them both for the night. He slept through for her and has slept through most days at home since. He'll be joining his sister once a month with MIL soon to give me one night totally child free a month.

I adore my children but my mental health is fragile and to be the best mum I can be, I need that break.

Do whatever works for you. It's no one else's business.

My daughter is 18 months old and I've never left her overnight, just don't feel the need to. I'm a single mum and back at work part time (have had the odd evening out without her too) but not wanted to leave her to sleep without me. One of my friends,on the other hand, has left her child the same age on many occasions overnight/for weekends etc because she felt she wanted to. Just do what works for you and tell everyone else to butt out!

I've never left my 10 month old overnight or anything close to overnight: the most has been until midnight once because I went to a show. We co sleep and breastfeed so it would be impossible. I plan to leave him overnight in May when I am part of a wedding party but even that is negotiable if it turns out to be unworkable nearer the time (ie I will make alternative arrangements so I can be overnight with him). 5 months old - no chance!!!

Up to you, OP, and nobody else's business. I left my son with my mum for a weekend when he was five months old. It was fine for all concerned, despite another mum trying to guilt trip me.

I presume you mean leaving your children with someone other than their parents as obviously that doesn't count!

We left DS1 when he was a few months old and DS2 probably around the same age. I'm glad we did as I had to spend a week in hospital when DS2 was 8 months old and that would have been so much harder if I'd have had the worry of them not settling as well as everything else.

Like most things with parenting, you go with your gut. There’s no point in doing it if it won’t make you happy, you’d hardly relax would you? I think my daughter was a year ish when we first left her overnight, I, not sure I was ready before that. We’ve done it every 6 months for a few days since and it is blissful. So you may change your mind, but you may not. Horses for courses.

And people who say what they’ll do when they have kids rarely end up doing what they insist you should do - they literally have no idea how they’ll behave. Just smile, ignore, and please yourself.

We aren't comfortable leaving our 10 month old yet, at the moment we feel that we'd prefer to wait until he can talk to communicate what he needs, because the only real parenting strategy we have is minimising crying. Both sets of GPs have said they would like to have him and his aunts have offered too, but he hasn't been left with anyone except us for longer than 20/30 minute shower + get dressed at each GP. When he was little we could keep him out with us in the evening and he'd sleep, but now he has to be in a bed. Since he was born I've had 2 evenings out while DH stayed home with him and DH has had 4 evenings out while I stayed home. It would be nice to go out together, but he's only going to be a baby for such a short time that we can wait. I'm hopeful that one of them will have him for an afternoon soon, he's breastfed so I'll be here in another room, it's just to get him used to the idea.

Very common within my peer group for children to sleep out at an early age. Normally within the first two months. However, I'm fairly young (mid 20s) and grandparents tend to be in their 40s and I can understand the parents wanting to get some sense of freedom back by having a proper sleep or a night out

Dd is 12 months. She stayed overnight at my mums at 2 months for the first time, then again at 3 months.

Mum has babysat at ours around 10 times and put dd to bed etc.

This year we have a few weddings and events etc so dd will be staying at my mums around 5 times that we know about already.

DS is seven weeks, DM has already offered to let me 'get some sleep' and have him overnight. I've said no because I'm breast feeding and am unable to express, but even if I could it's too soon. However DB and SIL left my nieces with my parents overnight last week, one is three and a half and had stayed over lots of times, the other was nine weeks old, maybe it's easier because it's not their PFB. DM is nearly sixty but childcare audited and set up and managed a nursery for many years, DF is mid sixties by very active and in good health so no concerns in that respect, they're more than capable.
Each to their own, but if it's not right for you just say no. Your friend might say she would do it now, but when she has a baby she might feel differently.

My first didn't stay overnight anywhere because we lived abroad and had nobody we could leave her with. So she was probably 18 months at least, I don't remember (but we were back in the UK by then so from then it could have happened).

My second spent the night with my sister when he was tiny (weeks old) because I got a terrible sick bug and she came round, sent my older one to my mother for the night and she took the baby. Luckily he was bottle fed so it was no problem. She obviously had to feed overnight etc, he was very tiny still.

I am super relaxed about it (with trusted people, obviously - not just as in safe and loving but also people who will respect my wishes re routine etc... mum, sister, probably one friend I can think of).

BUT.... absolutely depends how you feel and despite my attitude I wouldn't think it was odd for someone to prefer to keep their baby/toddler/young child with them overnight, whatever the circumstances. I don't know at what age I might start thinking it was strange, I might raise an eyebrow (in my head, not visibly!) after age 6 or 7 IF the child wanted to go and it was close family or friends who were happy and able to do a good job... but really it is none of my business!

For a baby/toddler, I would think it's perfectly natural to want them with you.

Baby’s having sleep overs might be normal for some. It’s not in our family though. And I suppose it depends how attached and/dependant your baby is to you in particular. My babies would all have screamed without me at night (though EBF). Other babies dont seem to mind so can’t see a problem if mum and baby are both happy and safe.