Leaving baby or young children overnight

[Grumpos]

Posting for traffic.

Genuinely interested as this theme keeps coming up in my life due to recently having a baby.

Wellmeaning (?) Friends and family keep insisting that I should leave said baby overnight with grandparents etc., so I can both have a good nights sleep (we’re currently in sleep regression hell) or I can have a night out with my partner to reconnect and relax (this would be nice but we’re actually fine and happy with no issues).

Baby goes to grandparents for the odd few hours here and there every week and I do get some of my own time, not loads but enough.

At this point in time I’m not ready for baby to stay out. One friend (childless) who keeps saying how when she has a baby will enlist family to help for at least 2 overnights a week is repeatedly commenting how I should start letting my baby do the same.

I won’t go into the personals of mine or my parents parents but for work and health reasons this isn’t even something I’d ask them to do even if I felt I or baby were ready.

So all personal choice but I’m interested, am I the minority to feel I do not want my baby away overnight whilst he is still young (5 months) or is it quite the done thing?

I don’t want him never to stay with family, just maybe when he is sitting up, fully weaned, sleeping better etc.

Bit of a ramble but it’s one of those subjects every Tom dick and Harry wants to lecture me on since I got pregnant!

Both my kids stayed with my parents at 8 weeks so we could have one night of sanity sex

They stay with them maybe every 2-3 months if we've got a night out or whatever, and always have done.

But my parents were in their 50s when I had babies. I would certainly have felt differently if they were in their 70s.

FWIW I don't think 35 minutes is far - what kind of thing is going to go wrong? Very little.

I didn't want to leave my baby overnight with anybody until I could reliably say he'd sleep through the night. Even his own dad (my DH) is rubbish at doing nighttime stuff, so for the first year there was just no way I'd put anyone through it.

I went back to work when DS was 11 months and he was in a nursery setting/with my mum for 8+ hours and I had no problems with him at my Mums but hated him being at nursery so young. I didn't have much of a choice and he's flourished being there.

First time he stopped out was at 14 months old when we moved house - by that stage he was sleeping through the night, otherwise I wouldn't have inflicted it on my mum! He regularly has sleepovers now, and is 2.5.

I remember my MIL asking to have him overnight when he was 3 months old. No chance - he was still feeding in the night, she hates being woken up once asleep and they smoke in their house so I just nodded politely and said no. Until they stop smoking in the house he won't stay over.

People always have an opinion. Leave them, don't leave them. Wean them, don't wean them. The only thing you can do is keep yourself as right as you can.

I have 5 biological kids. One of my twins stayed with my GP's when she was 5 weeks as she never slept longer than 40 minutes at a time. I was dangerously tired. So my Nana took her. I didn't set out to do that, but it was the best thing for all of us (her sister slept through from day 1 so she stayed with me). My youngest didn't stay over with anyone (not even DH as he was working away for long periods) until she was a year. It's about what works for you and your family, not what anyone else would do.

normal with the people I know. I know someone who went on holiday leaving her 3 month old for the week. My 20 month old has never been away from me (day or night) I would love to have someone to take her 😭

Your childless friend is talking out of her arse, she has no clue how she'll feel about leaving her baby if/when she has one. If you don't feel ready, then don't do it.

My grandson is now 7 months old and we've had him for a few nights, as have his other grandparents, since he was about a month old. We've enjoyed every minute, even the late night feeds, and have been only too happy to help.

But it's your choice what you do as only you know your circumstances fully.

Do what you want, there’s no one right way! My daughter did her first overnight my parents at 4 months and I sobbed like a baby when she left but ended up having a great time (beer festival!), she’s had a few since then and I’ve gotten used to it. You’re under no obligation if you don’t want to though, don’t know why people feel the need to be so nosy and judgemental about something that doesn’t affect them!

It depends on so many things, so just do what suits you. Ours slept through early on (not a stealth boast, we all love our sleep in this house, so hopefully genetic) so we were happy to leave DC with grandparents - the first time DS was 5months old. In saying that, the grandparents are very fit and active, always very keen to have DC and never messed with routine, etc. One set of grandparents is 40min drive away, the other 15min. Both sets are the only people I'd trust DC with overnight until they could speak. But then both DH and I have unusual work patterns and are often away for a few nights at a time. It's been like this long before DC came along. Our wider family is tight knit and our respective parents always have our backs covered if we have to drop everything at short notice. In saying that, DH and I both grew up spending a lot of time w our own GP, so i guess we're culturally conditioned that that's ok? ... even though we are actually from different cultures. We do know we are lucky and yes I get a lot of flack from people who can't understand how some extended families can function like a single cohesive unit. My DH doesn't get any flack from anybody for doing same as I do . I do challenge those that try to pigeon hole me to the single primary carer role (when DH does as much, if not more) - it's amazing how often people realise they are being sexist dicks when you pull them up on it.

I have only left DD with GP's (my parents, in-laws have never offered, which is their choice) when DD was reliably sleeping through the night and I felt comfortable leaving her. Once when we were given tickets to a show as a gift and they offered to have her overnight rather than sit in our house and then for 2 nights so we could attend a funeral that would require an overnight stay as it was a 4 hour drive each way, which would become 5 or 6 what with having to take breaks so she could stretch her legs etc, which we felt wasn't fair on her. Had I not felt ready or if she was still waking at night I would of stayed with her.

You will find that once you become a parent everyone has an opinion and will stick their oar in where it isn't wanted. Smile, nod and then do what you feel comfortable with.

I hated leaving my DD overnight. Did it once with MIL so DH and I could have an anniversary night away ( literally 5 minutes away) and couldn't relax at all. But I had a medical emergency when she was 16 months old and she stayed overnight with our CM and she was very very happy and I was in no state to worry. Later I gave in to DH pressure for the odd night away but always hated it. I never stayed away from parents as a child. But he did as he comes from a more affluent background where people did ( I've always assumed it was because they had more money but not 100%j. I would say if you aren't comfortable don't do it

I’m the same and don’t like to leave my baby my friends keep saying ‘but you need time to yourself you’ll have a clingy baby otherwise!’ She isn’t clingy she’s fine, I just don’t want to leave my baby!
Do what you feel is right, there is no right or wrong. If you don’t want to leave your baby overnight then don’t I’m deffinately not for a while! (She’s 5m) I’m ebf so I just say I can’t I’m breastfeeding but tbh I just don’t want to anyway
I also don’t get this ‘you need to leave the baby’ thing.. for what reason? Baby needs to be close to primary caregiver in my opinion

I won't be ready to leave my DD overnight until she understands what is going to happen. The day I ask her, are you ok to stay overnight with X, mum and dad will come back in the morning and she says it is fine, then I will do it. I don't see the point in doing it before because if she wakes up, she is going to be distressed, and it is not going to be very nice for whoever stays with her either, and I won't be able to sleep/relax...doesn't make sense in our case.

My baby is five months old and the longest I've ever left her is 3 hours (and that felt too long!) no way I'm ready to be leaving her overnight two nights a week somewhere!

It depends on when you feel ready and also how you are feeding. If you don’t want to or aren’t ready well don’t. As for a your friend who doesn’t even have children telling you what she’d do, well take that with a pinch of salt! Who on earth has people willing to take their kids 2 nights a week, I think she’ll get a shock if she ever does have kids.

With my first child we had a night out when she turned 3 months old, she was breastfed but would take a bottle. I only trusted my own parent’s with her though, which didn’t go down well with the other grandparents, but that was my decision. We had a couple of weekends away before she turned 6 months, I was very relaxed leaving her with my mum. If anyone else had offered to take her it would have been a no.

My second child was a bottle refuser, we couldn’t leave him overnight until he was 14 months old. It was very difficult as I just needed a break. He is now 18 months old and I can count on one hand how many times he’s been left overnight. My parents have now refused to have him until he is night weaned (he cries all night for me when he’s left).

I’m dc1 I left him overnight at 12 weeks old. Only with my parents and they were very active early 50s then. Dc2 was 9 months overnight but we bathed him, got him to sleep went out and picked him up in the morning. They were mid 50s then. They have slept over together at their grandparents considerably less as 2 is waaaaaay more work then the regular overnights they used to have with preschool dc1.
Unexpectedly pg with dc3 and I can’t see them having the 3 together for a very long time. They are in their 60s now and it’s just going to be too much, they will babysit in our house though for a few hours now and again

Also only ever left them with my mum and dad. Wouldn’t let anyone else have them as I trust my parents and we have a good relationship. I trust they would do things as we do and call me if there’s issues

This never came up for me since I breast fed my three each for two years. I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving them overnight. However, I did go back to work after having each one so was happy to leave them during the day and I was happy to have a family member babysit for a few hours on occasion when we went out for a couple of hours in the evening.

I was never even that keen on sleepovers when they were a bit older. Just me really and it certainly never affected them as they grew up. I remember staying overnight at my gran’s when I was about ten. Coming from a largish family, I was terribly homesick.

When I had my children, I would’ve given my eye teeth to have some offer like that. But I was married to a selfish unhelpful man. My MIL would have her other 2 grand children over to sleep often (my BILs). We lived too far away.

If I had my time again and had the offer I would take it up, whilst the baby is still young so he/she gets used to going over there. Maybe leave them for a couple of hours there and work up to leaving them over night. You will be thankful as they get older, if your circumstances change and you need your time.

My baby is 5 months (born august) she's sleptover with grandparents 6 times now
Frankly I like the peace

Ignore them. This kind of attitude is also partly why the UK has such low breastfeeding rates! 3 of my 4 were still bfing at night at this age, so leaving them would have been a hassle with needing to pump in advance and then also overnight to maintain supply / reduce pressure. Even the bottle fed one, though, I didn't want to leave when they were little. With all of them I had to go away for a night or two for work after my maternity leaves finished at 12 months, I missed them but did also quite like a quiet night! Before that I would have missed them too much.

Help during the day is better anyway as you can get more done, and have a massage!

Ds1 stayed over at gp (inlaws) around 2/3 months old as he was bottle fed. It was bliss having full night sleep and lie in.

It would lovely to have a night off. But one every 2-3 months would be really generous of my family. 2 a week is ridiculous! Not saying it's a bad thing just not sure that many people have that much support that this would be an option. Your friend is not living in the real world.

My older 3 (aged 8, 10 and 12) stay overnight at pil's house fairly regularly, every few months or so. 5 year old has been twice and 4 year old has been once.

My first was about 2 before we left her for the night. Since then she's been for a couple of 2 night sleepovers at GP and loves it. My 1 year old is nowhere near ready to leave. She is too young to understand if she woke up why we wouldn't be there. Also she isn't easy to put to bed and I know although the GP would do it if asked I know they would stress about it as the baby would be crying etc and then we wouldn't have a good night out either knowing the baby is crying and stressed out GP at home.
I do find its a bit harder among my frienfs for those that have breastfed as the baby is often used to falling asleep while feeding or just after a feed and as this can't be done by someone else it does change their routine if the mum isn't there and can freak them out a bit

My two were 5 & 3 before they had their first night away. DSis used to laugh at me being “overprotective” as she left hers from 6 months. I wasn’t overprotective but I enjoyed being the last one to kiss them goodnight and the first one to give them a cuddle in the morning. They are now 7 & 5 and are more than happy to sleepover with GP & Aunties. Ignore everyone and do what suits you and your baby. X