What would YOU do if YOUR child had been making theretning phone calls?

[kimi]

I would go bloody mad but alas not the pond scum parents of the little shit that has been bullying my DS.

BIT OF HISTORY.......
DS1 is 11 very bright but has tourettes, for the past 4 yes 4 years one of the children in his class has been picking on him and the school seem unable/unwilling to do anything about it.
He has beaten my child up,held him under the water at a swimming class, takes the p* out of him, stops other children playing with him, tells lies about him and is just an out and out evil little shit, he has hit my younger child, been abusive to my several times in and out of the school playground, and has no respect for adults at all.
His parents were friends of ours, but when this all started the mother took the oh no "not my darling child he would not do that (despite by her own admittance being thrown out of 3 yes 3 pre schools).
The father (on the occasion my DS hit him back ) cane round our house shouting and swearing and kicking the door, he has also come to the school play ground with his half brother and threatened to "have me done over" as i am a lying, ck sucking fg w**e, (key stage one learnt such lovely words from him that day). It got to the point I have had to call the police 4 times .

ANYWAY..... Wednesday evening DS1 gets a abusive and threatening phone call, we do 1471 and this "child" answers the phone, so I tell him we are reporting him to the police again and I do.
The next day I take DS2 to school DS1 does not want to go, and this "child" stands 3 feet from me telling a class mate "Mrs Kimi can't do nuffin, my dad cut up the sim card and said let her proove it son" I know this will be true as the dad is a thug with a record and thinks his son is a hard man like him, and the mother is so far in denile it is unreal. Anyway at lunch time DS2 see's this "child" messing with his scooter ( the scooter DS2 wanted for weeks and did jobs round the house for to get the pocket money to bye himself and was proud of ) and tells him to leave it alone, only to be pushed over and told to f* off, come home time DS2s scooter is nowhere to be found .

This "child" has also phoned 2 of DS1s friends and left threatening messages on their answer phone pretending to be DS1.

I spoke to a friend of mine today who works at the child mental health unit at great ormond street and they seem to think this "child" needs help ( I agree) but when the parents are encouraging it what the hell can you do, I mean we were offered mediation from the school and they told the school to f* off aint nuffin wrong wif our kid"

And before you all say I should not call the "child" a evil little shit and hold such contempt for him, meet my child, and walk a mile in his shoes.

Sorry this is a long and angry rant but I am fit to burst with rage, what I want to know s if your child did this would you cut up the sim card and pat them on the head with a well done? Or is this really pond scum parenting at its best?

Kimi, you are quite right. This boy's father is a louse. Presumably his father was the same and he's now determined to repeat the pattern.

Glad your ds is getting out of there. Maybe just worth reminding him occasionally that he will be able to make use of his talents, while this other kid is likely to wind up dead or in prison.

This is, fundamentally, pond scum parenting. It's difficult... with better parenting this other child could have been very different, but he's on his way to being an adult with these behaviour patterns ingrained and having to ultimately take responsibility for himself.

Thank goodness they are going to different schools, but I share your concern that with this other boy living so close there could be further flashpoints in future.

Your poor dear boy. How brave of him to endure this little shite of a child. Poor kid too for knowing no different/better.

God Kimi, what I would love to do is have some great big scary bloke I could lend you who could catch this little toerag on his own and tell him to leave your ds alone or end up at the bottom of the canal.

Dh isn't really scary, and has no practice in threatening people (don't think he'd know where to start, tbh) but he's 6ft and broad shouldered and knows how to wield a sword. Shall I send him round?

When I was friends with the mother she told me that the dad came from a family where they did not all have the same dad, SHE said they were "pikey," she admitted that his whole family thought you got respect through using your fists, (now before you all think I am being judgemental I grew up on a council estate, and despite my sister and I having the same father he and my mother were never married,daddy though alcohol was more important then family so I am the last person to judge )BUT my sister and I were taught respect, and that where ever we came from we could be anything we wanted to be and no one was better or worse then we were.

The day DS1 was born I sat looking at him in the little crib by my bed and I told him he was perfect, he was special, and I would kill or I would die for him, I told him he could go out in to the world and he could change it and no one had the right to tell him other wise, no one had the right to judge him and he in turn had no right to bring pain or judgement to another soul, I said the same to DS2 the day he was born as DH and I sat in SCBU.

If it were my child doing this to their child or any other child I would hang my head in shame, I would know I had failed in my role as a parent and I would find all the help I could for my child, I would not tell him "well done son" and attack anyone who said he was bad.

Do you think the school are scared of this boy or his dad, or just don't care?

Well the mum did for a short time work in the school, (she had contact with both my children and they were never rude nor disrespectful to her by the heads own admition,all the time she tried to have ME banned from the play ground saying she feared for her child's safety!! she quit the job though saying she and her child were not supported, her 2nd child also left the school under a cloud as there was a lot of trouble with her and another child in her class (so another mother told me).
One of the other mums who has a child in DS1s class went to school with the dad and said HE was the school bully, and I know the mum thinks its cool people are scared of her husband.
When he and his half brother came to the school to yell and shout at me the half brother was yelling get you fing old man down ere and we sort this out, I have to admit I did just stand and laugh at him as it was like a bad Guy Richey script, and despite the fact DH is built like a battle ship he would not lower himself, (although I think if DH did ever hit anyone they would know they had been hit, but as the one and only time he has ever raised his hand to anyone he was 9 and it was to a kid that hit his brother I rather think he would have stood and laughed at them too). TBH there was more chance of me giving him a smack then DH as I have a temper that would make the devil himself run for cover, I just know that if I lose my temper t lets myself, and my family down and it is not something I want to teach my children. Although those of you who have seen some of my posts will know that I did once hit someone who hit DS1 in a supermarket (not proud of it in the least, but I will protect my children)
The head does seem a little weak willed and I think he is intimidated by the father.As I sad we met with some people from the LEA and they tryed to set up meadation but were told to f off by the other parents.

Edam, DH did tell DS1 that this other boy should start practiceing saying "would you like fry's with that"

havent read all of thread but call me old fashioned, I would grab my little sod by the ear and frog march him around to your house to do a full apology followed by removal of all privlages for a week.

Tena, somehow with the parents he has I don't think that will be happening, mum thinks he can do no wrong and dad is proud of what he does .

My DS1 lost T.V, P.C. and playstation for a week for lifting a girls skirt up at school because her brother dared him to do it.

See my DS1 can be a little shit, I admit it, it is NOT that hard. Can't work the other parents out TBH

Well thank you all again, I am off to bed now, thank you for the hugs, and advice, I think I will call SS on Monday and see what they think, I will not force DS1 to go to school but I think he should go in for his leavers assembly as I do not think any one has the right to take that away from him and he is going to miss his teacher and I am sure he will want to say bye and give him a gift (As teachers go this one is very good, and has been a wonderful support to DS1) also DS1 has a LSA who he will want to say bye to and an Ex LEA who was a total god send at a time when DS1 needed it and we will be getting a bloody decent gift for her as we will never be able to thank her enough (she even took play ground duty in her own time and without pay to try and keep DS1 safe from this other boy at the hight of the bullying).
I can't say DS1 will be sorry to leave the school as it has not been a good experience for him, but I am proud of him, that despite everything he has given it his all, got good grades, wonderful mock SATs (real ones are given out on Monday), he has stood up for what he believes is right, he has only retaliated once and as I sad before he won a commendation for a story in a contest out of 64,000 entry's.
The only advice I have for him as he leaves there is not to take it with him, as he walks out of the gate leave it there as if he takes the pain with him it will eat away at him and this child is not worth the bitterness holding on to the past will bring him.
Please if you believe in the big man upstairs, (or any other power) then if its not too much to ask can you send up a little prayer for DS1 on July 20th as he leaves his old school and on September the 5th as he starts his new one. THANK YOU.

Feeling a bit better today, thank you.

Oh hun. So sorry to hear about this. Im glad he is going to a new school and hopefully make some new friends. Just some good thought, that little sod will go from being the youngest group in the school to a littlew tiny mouthy little year 1!!! they older kids wont stand for it, trust me.

I was bullied at school terrible bullying by a large group that often carried on outside school. I still had friend though and am a stronger person because of it. I hope your son builds some strength from the fact this boy is the way he is because his parent dont care but your son grows inot a well adjusted beutiful man

I would also agree, take a notebook of all he does and give to the police. Good luck
lisa

thank you Lisa.

Kimi - just read this thread and am appalled by the treatment of your son by this boy. You're obviously giving your ds such a solid base with lots of love and comfort. I really fear for the long term for this bully though. I think you should contact SS just because this boy will end up in prison or dead and at the moment he is only a child, reacting to the family and values that are surrounding him. Your son will be fine in the long term and although it is by no means any responsibility of yours there is an opportunity to improve the chances for this other boy.

bamamama, thank you, I am going to ring the SS and I am going to speak to the senco at the school on Monday.
I know a lot of the parents who have children going to the new school with this boy are uneasy about it, the boy seems to be trying to be really "friendly" with the 3 boys from my DS1s class that will be going to the new school DS1 will be going to, but thankfully none of these boys will be in DS1s form.

Another friend of ours is dreading this boy going to her sons school as he has make a nuisance of himself already and threatened and hit her son,

Does the new school know what this boy is like? I don't know anything about how these things work (my ds is a baby) but if there are enough parents worried about this boy what are the school doing about it? Do they pre-warn the secondary or is it new school, new start? I would rally support from other parents, surely there is strength in numbers when dealing with this child and his family? I really hope this works out for you - let us know how you get on!

Bam, the school know what a shit this child is but I think they will just be glad to see the back of him. I hope that if he behaves the same at high school (and I would put money on it that he will)that he will come very very unstuck, the head at DS1s school really is a wet blanket (he leaves this July also) and I do think he is intimidated by the boys father as the worse punishment this boy has ever had was a lunch time detention, and that was for trying to drown my son!!! And the head master said it was "high jinks" I did ask him if he fancied hoping in to a swimming with me and letting me hold him under to see how high jinky he thought it then.

Kimi, big hugs you've held your dignity throught years of this well done, you're amazing. Remember to pray for yourselves that you can forgive them at some point because you need to be free from what they've done. (please don't take that the wrong way but I've been there and forgiving others just releases you). I hope SS investigate and do something to help that boy otherwise his life is sort of over already!

Enjoy the holidays, your son is fab too x

kimi- Firstly I am very very sorry that you and your ds are going through this trauma.

Secondly i appreciate that your ds and this little thug will be going seperate ways come the summer but as you say they still live nearby so you are going to have to deal with this.

Personally I think you should keep a diary and report each and every incident to the police. If they don't do anything then go higher and higher up the chain of command until they do do something.

This sort of antiscocial bullying can't be allowed to carry on.

I work with kids like this but they are older and tbh things are pretty tough at the school where i teach. So much so that i am off due to being pg and the health and safety risk posed by the pupils to a pg woman.

There are places like the school I'm in that works with kids like this to try and teach them how to behave and to try and modify bad behaviour. Where I am is pretty much the last chance saloon before prison/borstal. A good percentage of the kids though do turn out fairly decent and I like to think that is down to the school rather than their parents. Sounds like this kid would benefit from that sort of school tbh.

Keep ringing the police- every time he does something. Alos I'd put a complaint in to the local education authority about him. Te more paperwork the LEA have on him the more ammunition they have to actually do something. He'll always be a thug and will always bully- this is the behaviour he is used to seeing from his dad- in a way it's not the kid's fault totally as he is just emulating what he sees from his dad.

Sorry to have gone on xx

Thank you cargirl and pixeifish.
I have keep notes of things along with all the police ref numbers, We have seen the governors of the school, and had the LEA involved, as I sad we were offered mediation with the family and we were happy to take this route but they would not accept, I think they saw it as admitting there was an issue, the mother said it was MY child upsetting hers!!

Not many of the other parents had much to do with them as she got found out in lie after lie, and as I said her DD1 left the school for another one under a bit of a cloud so now she does not come to the school.

I am hoping to make this summer a wonderful calm time for both my children with a lovely holidays and days out, as I want DS1 to feel able to cope with high school and DS2 going in to KS2.

*kept

Kimi- I really feel for you its an awful story.

I agree with pixiefish log everything and i would go to social services to the school should be doing more about this bullying i would go to your local paper give them some bad press.

Good luck

I did go to the local paper when my child threatened to kill himself as he was so unhappy. The school bucked their ideas up for a week or two [after promising it would be dealt with/ stopped / please Mrs kimi don't remove him from our school... and I was stupid enough to believe them. I feel have let him down by not being able to stop it and not moving him from the school.