AIBU to be angry that this is still happening!

[CosmicCanary]

Bristol News

I know this is not the only girl this has happened to. I know there will be many many girls who have suffered the same humiliation in school just today.

I was one of them many years ago.
So many times i bled through my pad in lesson but I knew asking to go to the toilet in would be met with a NO so i didn't bother. It was a humiliation in its self for the whole class to know you needed the loo. Such a public audience for an other wise private act.

I have already told my DDs should they need the toilet they must ask but if refused walk out of lesson if they absolutely cannot wait and I will deal with school.
They will not suffer the humiliation and shame of leaving blood on a school chair as I did.

I understand the teachers point of veiw. I remember being a teenager and I would take the piss if able to. If I thought I could be excused from class I would go wander about, have a smoke, do my make up. So they need to use their judgement when kids ask to use the toilet.

But I also understand that a girl with heavy periods could bleed through or come on in class. But I don't think that's a reason to give girls a free for all on toilets.

Risk can be minimised.
One, teach girls to use tampons and pads.
Two, advice the school if she has heavy periods so teacher knows to excuse her.
Three, make sure she is aware she needs to change sanitary before class irregardless.
Four, if they are that heavy go to the Dr and go on the pill or somthing.

Most girls don't have heavy periods and should be able to manage just using the loo during break times.

Four, if they are that heavy go to the Dr and go on the pill or somthing.

Yes, girls should absolutely have to take hormonal daily contraception (with the side effects experienced by many) because their teachers won’t let them use the loo. Absolutely proportionate. Excellent.

There is a huge assumption here that teenage girls are communicating with their parents about their experience of their periods. Many won’t. Totally mortifying, I never did, despite heavy periods, awful cramps and hormonal migraines. None of that was driven by my very level headed mother.

Like others, some of my clearest and most awful memories of high school was when I leaked through my clothes (despite breaks and being allowed to go to the toilet). It happens even in the best of circumstances, but the approach in some schools isn’t the best of circumstances.

'because their teachers won’t let them use the loo. Absolutely proportionate. Excellent. '

If they are leaking in a 1hr lesson after having time in breaks for pad changing then some action does need taking. This could be giving more thorough education regarding appropriate sanitary protection, letters home to all parents or gps consultations if they really are having floods after one hour. In an average comp of say 400 teen girls they really can't just let them all be going out to the toilet during a one hour lesson. We all know teens, many would take the piss.

Parents need to educate their dd how to manage periods. This involves knowing when they are due on, using appropriate pads and changing pads in break times.

Eve for the first four years of having periods mine were completely irregular . 6 weeks , 4 weeks, 5 weeks .after a couple of years I learnt to recognise the signs but it wasn’t easy. Apparently this is very common in teenagers . After than it settled into a regular 28 days .

When I was a teenager I didn’t use tampins either and even a cough or a sudden movement could result in a rush of blood .Again all of this settled down once I reached about 16

even a cough or a sudden movement could result in a rush of blood .

If this were me, or my daughter, I would be getting medical advice.

As women and girls we shouldn't be putting up with periods controlling our lives. Even if schools let girls go to the toilet without issue, bleeding that heavily and unpredictably is still going to massively affect girls. If the first they know is a huge flood it's too late surely? Even if they immediately leave the classroom they've still bled through clothes and onto chairs.

Surely it's not the answer to expect girls to leave lessons every half an hour or hour, worry about unpredictable flooding etc? Why are you ok with your daughters being controlled by their periods in this way? There are lots of things that can be done to help them. Heavy periods like you describe obviously aren't just a problem at school.

You do realise that it's very hard to get drs to take period problems seriously.

That one.or 2 days if heavy flow probabky won't be seen as serious and expecting young girls to go on medication when their periods haven't even settled yet so as not to inconvenience school is ridiculous.

I’m a teacher and we are not allowed to let children go to the toilet in lessons unless it’s an absolute emergency. In practice, the first time they ask I would nearly always say no, if they ask again and I think it’s genuine then I might ask them to wait until a particular point in the lesson, eg when I have finished delivering the main content, and then I would let them go.

Many students have toilet passes for various reasons so if you have a DD with particularly heavy periods I would ask for her to have a toilet pass. Also, if a student needed to go for that reason, I would have no issue with her asking to talk to me outside the class and then explaining, and I would let her go.

However I totally agree with the other teachers in here that if you let one go, they all want to go and it is incredibly disruptive. Our students are allowed to go between lessons so realistically they have an opportunity every hour to go to the toilet, I think that is perfectly adequate for the vast majority.

It's just awkward when you have a dozen different teachers and don't want to feel singled out by having a toilet pass. Teens can be cruel.

Toilet passes are pretty common, the same as wellbeing passes (they get to go to the well-being room for time out). The students are used to it and no one bats an eyelid. Also, as a teacher you get to know the ones who have a pass very quickly so I don’t tend to ask to see it every time, if certain students ask to go to the loo or say “can i use my pass” then I just let them go. I think things have changed a lot since our generation were in school, it’s not the big issue you might imagine.

When I taught secondary I used to say they could go but they needed to make the time missed up. I found this worked well to sort out the people who genuinely needed to go and those who just fancied a little walk about. I would say about 90% would choose not to go. Unfortunately, if students were allowed to leave the classroom whenever they would like to it would be abused by some.

You seem more concerned about making a stand at school rather than working with them to support your daughter.

I hope that is not directed at me.

I have not made a stand at school and have zero interest in going in to the school and carrying on.
I am and will support my daughters if they are denied reasonable access to the toilet which results in their loss of dignity.
Her periods do not need to be discussed or worked out with the school. Periods are a natural part if life as is needing the toilet.

Parents need to educate their dd how to manage periods. This involves knowing when they are due on, using appropriate pads and changing pads in break times.

Again all this is irrelevant when DC are having random or really heavy periods and don't know when they are going to come one or how heavy the periods will be. My DD had to go to the toilet every break and lunchtime twice, she also needed to go twice in most lessons.

She would have been mortified if I had informed the school she was on her period. She also had a 9 day period with a two week break so two periods a month. So all those people saying that you can tell that DD's are lying if they are on their periods more than once a month are wrong.

Also all those people who are suggesting that parents tell the school that their DD's are having problems with their periods or letting them know each time the DD is on a period. Would you like to go into work and tell your manager or boss that you are on your period?

As I said before my DD's school let her go whenever she wants and have never questioned why she had to go often. But it is a school where there are not many problems and the children are mostly well behaved, so maybe they don't have to question it and are more lenient.

@Flooredbored, that's not a bad system

@Teaandtoastie, I hope things are better in schools in that teens aren't cruel about stuff like that. I know I would have been teased for having a toilet pass and wouldn't have felt great about all my different teachers knowing personal info like that

I agree that it depends on the child and the school. You can't just let every child who asks to go to the toilet go! In one school I was working at you would be sitting with an empty classroom and a full-on riot in the corridor.

I had terribly heavy periods as a teenager. It was awful and my mother did not believe in pain relief (I never even knew it existed until I went to university!) so I suffered the woes of pain and flooding. Nevertheless, I would never have asked to leave the classroom to deal with things. I wore two Kotex pads at a time!

Would you like to go into work and tell your manager or boss that you are on your period?

That's exactly what I do have to do. I'm in a job where I do have to ask to be able to go to the toilet. I work 5 hours and get a 15 minute break. You can go if it is an emergency but you do have to ask. And yes, if I need to go frequently at certain times I do need to tell my male manager why.

As you say, periods are a normal part of life. Why is it an issue?

But you are an adult.

You aren't dependant on anyone else buying your San pro. You arent having to use ones that don't fit or don't hold enough cos you had to borrow of a mate or use the free ones from the office etc

Only on MN are kids unable to change by themselves at age 10 or walk home by themselves but are meant to have figured out their menstrual cycle having just started and be properly equipped at all times despite not even being responsible for buying their own stuff . And on top of that are apparently supposed to take medication that might not even be advisable or suitable just to convenience everyone else

As you say, periods are a normal part of life. Why is it an issue?

Are you an 11 year old trying to cope with this for the first time in your life, going through puberty and trying to navigate everything in your body changing? Are you extremely shy and sensitive and wouldn't like teachers etc to know an intimate process that you are going through. Or are you a grown woman who is used to all this and is through the embarrassment stage of trying to cope with and get used to periods?

I would say yes to the last question. So yes you can easily tell your male boss that you are on your period and need to go to the toilet. But a young girl starting and trying to cope with periods is a completely different thing.

As I have said twice before my DD's school are absolutely brilliant and have let her go whenever she needs to they may have guessed why they have never questioned or added to her whole stress and problems she has had with her periods.

School has been the least problem she has had with periods. Which is how it should be

Are you an 11 year old trying to cope with this for the first time in your life, going through puberty and trying to navigate everything in your body changing?

No I'm not (but I was once at 9 yrs old as was my DD) but I was answering the question asked

Would you like to go into work and tell your manager or boss that you are on your period?

Or was that question being addressed to 11 year olds.

My answer has nothing to do with children in school. I was answering whether I would be ok with telling my manager at work - answer "yes".

You keep doing this dont you.

Whenever you are asked a question ylu resort to feigning ignorence over what it was you were actually asked and pretending you have no idea what people are talking about.

Your contempt for chikdren. In particular girls is becoming very apparent

Are you an 11 year old trying to cope with this for the first time in your life, going through puberty and trying to navigate everything in your body changing?

No I'm not (but I was once at 9 yrs old as was my DD) but I was answering the question asked

You know that all DD's are different, as shown upthread when one DD was quite happy to call out across class that she is on her period and the teacher should let her go to the toilet, for every DD like that there are probably another 20 that would never want anyone to know why they need to go to the toilet because they are on their period.

Would you like to go into work and tell your manager or boss that you are on your period?

My answer has nothing to do with children in school. I was answering whether I would be ok with telling my manager at work - answer "yes".

So exactly the same scenario, I would not tell my boss that I was on my period, it is my personal information and none of his business. So exactly like DD's, adults are all different and for every woman that is happy to tell her boss she is on her period there will be plenty of women who feel this is private and none of their managers business.

@flooredbored your strategy seems sensible.
There may well be some kids who ask to go to the toilet all the time but the answer to that problem is not to deny and humiliate those who need to go.

Whenever you are asked a question ylu resort to feigning ignorence over what it was you were actually asked and pretending you have no idea what people are talking about.

How am I feigning ignorance over what I was asked? The question is very clear - would you tell your boss? My answer is yes, because we have to because we have to ask permission to go to the toilet. How else do you want me to answer?

And I most certainly don't have contempt for girls or women. I have brought my dd up to be proud of who she is and that periods are normal and nothing to be ashamed about. Not everyone is the same. That's entirely their business.

So exactly the same scenario, I would not tell my boss that I was on my period, it is my personal information and none of his business

Ok. I'm not sure how I can get around it where I work so I deal with it in the way that I have to. If you don't have to, cool beans.

I have brought my dd up to be proud of who she is and that periods are normal and nothing to be ashamed about. Not everyone is the same. That's entirely their business.

I have also brought my dd up to be proud of who she is and that periods are normal and nothing to be ashamed about. That doesn't mean that she also isn't allowed to feel that whatever is happening to her is private, and that all her teachers need to know when she is on her period. She is not ashamed of having periods, just does not want everyone else around her to know precisely when she is having them and that is her business.

My answer is yes, because we have to because we have to ask permission to go to the toilet.

How else do you want me to answer?

With a little more empathy perhaps. Maybe realise just because that is your situation, not everyone feels the same. I would just tell my boss I need to go to the toilet and that is that, I would not feel it is any of his business that I am on my period. (I would assume that unless he was a very stupid man, he should realise sometimes women need to go to the toilet more often than others).

So you think it's basically a personality flaw or kids have been brought up wrong if they struggle with their periods at first?

What the hell has changed in schools in the last 23 years since I was at one..

We had a system, one pupil released to the toilet at a time, if someone else wanted to go they had to wait til the previous one was back.

Everyone reminded regularly to go at break and lunchtime.

If you do that, you have no gatherings in loos during lessons as only one can go at once.

If you need more control - each kid has a toilet pass that is seen and signed and the time out and back in noted, so each teacher can SEE when, how often and how long that kid is spending in the toilet during lessons, then its easy to spot the piss takers.

Our school briefly trialed locking loos in lesson times - but the issue was often loos would then not be unlocked at break (what with teachers being too busy to go unlock them) and then MORE kids needing the loo in lesson times.

The time between lessons was not sufficient in most cases, to go to the toilet and do what you needed, particularly if your lesson was not near one of the available toilets - in my school it was barely enough time to get from one end of the building to the other, so really it was ONLY morning break and lunchtime you could go.

Surely, if you have within a school, a SERIOUS problem of kids misusing the toilets and avoiding lessons, ... so serious that it is genuinely worth forcing kids to piss themselves or bleed through clothing... then you have a FAR bigger problem and the school is really failing quite dramatically.