Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be angry that this is still happening!

646 replies

CosmicCanary · 14/01/2019 23:41

Bristol News

I know this is not the only girl this has happened to. I know there will be many many girls who have suffered the same humiliation in school just today.

I was one of them many years ago.
So many times i bled through my pad in lesson but I knew asking to go to the toilet in would be met with a NO so i didn't bother. It was a humiliation in its self for the whole class to know you needed the loo. Such a public audience for an other wise private act.

I have already told my DDs should they need the toilet they must ask but if refused walk out of lesson if they absolutely cannot wait and I will deal with school.
They will not suffer the humiliation and shame of leaving blood on a school chair as I did.

OP posts:
Teaandtoastie · 17/01/2019 21:28

I honestly don’t know why people are so surprised- when I was at school we weren’t allowed to go to the loo in lesson time. My primary school age DC are not allowed to go in lesson time and haven’t been since Year 1.

If your child has a particular need to go then speak to the teacher. But honestly, having kids getting up and down throughout the lesson to go to the loo whenever they liked would not work.

JassyRadlett · 17/01/2019 21:32

I honestly don’t know why people are so surprised- when I was at school we weren’t allowed to go to the loo in lesson time. My primary school age DC are not allowed to go in lesson time and haven’t been since Year 1

Because your experience isn’t universal?

Teaandtoastie · 17/01/2019 21:35

Jassy I appreciate that, however I am a teacher and I have never worked in a school where children can go to the toilet when they like.

JassyRadlett · 17/01/2019 22:00

Jassy I appreciate that, however I am a teacher and I have never worked in a school where children can go to the toilet when they like.

And yet lots of people on this thread, including teachers, have told you of schools where it’s absolutely normal. (Another one - my son’s primary school lets kids go to the loo whenever they need to, at all ages.)

So your ‘I don’t know why people are surprised’ comment implies you either haven’t read the thread, or don’t believe any of those people.

Teaandtoastie · 17/01/2019 22:08

Not at all, just that I don’t think it’s the norm as it’s a pretty standard rule in most schools, as backed up by many other people on this thread.

JassyRadlett · 18/01/2019 00:40

Not at all, just that I don’t think it’s the norm as it’s a pretty standard rule in most schools, as backed up by many other people on this thread.

Do you have a data point for the ‘most schools’? I’m not sure this thread counts as a good evidence base.

However if your original surprise was actually in good faith then the answer is hopefully now clear to you: people are surprised by the approach taken by some schools because they have not previously encountered it themselves, either as parents, students or, in some cases, teachers. Hope that’s cleared it up for you.

JassyRadlett · 18/01/2019 00:43

Sorry - not your surprise, your not knowing why others were surprised. Don’t want to misquote you.

jessstan2 · 18/01/2019 01:35

I do understand why kids cannot keep on asking to go the loo, it would be disruptive and some would want to skive. My school experiences were many, many years ago, I went to a very small convent school until eleven and then a GDST girls school after 11+ and nobody took advantage, if a girl wanted to go to the toilet they were allowed to. We didn't abuse that and certainly tried to just go in break times but periods are different - and different for every girl as we were all individuals.

What did surprise me was the safeguarding issue which was mentioned. Surely toilets are safe? School lavatory blocks are not public places, they are only for the pupils. Plus queueing to be given toilet paper, never heard of that.

I'm really glad not to be at school now! I didn't like school back in the day and probably would have refused to go if I was a kid now. I find it terrifying.

TimeForDinnerDinnerDinner · 18/01/2019 05:23

Former secondary school teacher here - 20 years experience at several schools.

It was not ever 'the norm' to allow students out to the toilet during lesson times at any of my schools. It would be chaos to allow all pupils out whenever they felt like it. There were, of course, always exceptions to this rule, and provision was made to accommodate those with bladder issues, etc. It worked fine. No drama. There were not constant streams of girls bleeding through their clothes.

The media has found a few examples of this one theme and have used it to stoke up public outcry to fever pitch levels. It's a story which is doing well to sell papers and get clicks.

In the vast, vast majority of cases common sense prevails and everyone is happy. However, common sense doesn't make a good story, sell papers, make good clickbait or get us squabbling on internet messageboards!

Remember, there's not one of us on here who can come up with a simple to follow 'perfect' toilet rule/policy which would suit all students at all schools in all situations.

MrsPeel · 18/01/2019 11:05

Its awful - the reason is because pupils use it as an excuse to get out of the lesson/disrupt the lesson. However if lessons are so uninspiring or the teacher so bad at control then the school needs to get better staff or arrange more training for the ones they have got

Tinabn · 18/01/2019 11:17

Taught for over 30 years and left before anyone said ‘you taught my grandmother’. Rules are rarely in place because of vindictiveness but as a response to a lack of responsibility. Teenagers can be wonderful, they can be the devil incarnate- they are human- but some need guidance on behaviour. If all were sensible, went to the loo when needed and hurried back the rule about not being allowed out would not have been imposed, some abused the right in varying levels of disruptive behaviour so all have to have the restrictions in place, not good, but practical. Pupils have the right to leave the classroom if they cannot avoid using the loo until the change of lesson , but there needs to be a good reason. Work with the school, not against it.Most teachers know the good from those looking for an excuse for a change of scenery but then have to face a barrage of ‘ but you let so and so go’ and a bollocking from SLT if they go against the rules, if there is a note in their file saying the pupil is allowed to leave the room there is no problem as long as said pupil gets up and goes without performing a song and dance routine.
So glad I’m out of it all now, I had soon amazing pupils, those who weren’t usually had shit parents!

llizzie · 19/01/2019 01:45

They were never on display. I remember when I started and mum told me to ask 'for a brown packet'. They were 1shilling and 10d

llizzie · 19/01/2019 02:11

It is actually quite dangerous to make a child - or adult - wait when they are bursting to go. As the bladder gets more full, the urine goes back up to the kidney and any bacteria in it gets into the kidney. Teachers and employers are taking a big risk stopping them from going to the loo because if something like that does happen, then they are liable. I am surprised they do not know that. If there were lessons in physiology and general health anatomy, such problems would not arise. It is up to the parents to ask the School Governors to discuss it at their next meeting.

jacomax · 19/01/2019 07:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

GrammarTeacher · 19/01/2019 07:31

There speaks someone who has never been caught out by the period. Congratulations on your luck. I, on the other hand, spent one of my a Level exams increasingly aware that my period had start a week early and heavier than usual.
Sometimes kids need the toilet unexpectedly the attitude towards this on here always takes me by surprise and reminds me to always check this at schools going forward. It has never been an issue in any school I've attended or worked in.

jacomax · 19/01/2019 07:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
CosmicCanary · 19/01/2019 07:49

I feel by a certain age they should be able to manage their toilet needs and go at break regardless of gender.

What has gender got to do with going to the toilet?

I detest teachers like you.
YOU have decided 9 year olds should not need the toilet unless at a time decided by YOU. I swear for some teachers its just a power trip.

OP posts:
GrammarTeacher · 19/01/2019 07:56

If their period starts unexpectedly why would they have a note? Who would be able to write it? I don't even teach girls. I don't understand why would you refuse point blank. By all means ask a student to wait while you're explaining a task, but when the task has started it is not disruptive for someone who needs the loo to go.
And actually, when I was pregnant one of the things considered in the risk assessment was enabling a procedure so I could leave classes if I needed to.
I'd always rather let a child go to the toilet than deal with an accident!

woollyheart · 19/01/2019 08:15

Do teachers never have an emergency themselves, I am sure if you felt an imminent explosion of diarrhoea was on the books you would ignore rules and make a dash for the toilets rather than explode in front of the class.

I vaguely remember my primary school being awkward about children going to the toilet. I also remember many wet chairs and pools on the floor, and a sharp tang of stale urine that hung about the whole place.

Also, most girls only wanted to use the toilets in class time. During breaks, the boys had fun running down the corridor in front of the girl's toilet doors pushing all the (unlockable) doors open. One of my friends refused to use the toilets at all at school and had terrible problems with painful constipation.

jacomax · 19/01/2019 08:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
CosmicCanary · 19/01/2019 08:24

Hmm hmm Jac

OP posts:
seven201 · 19/01/2019 08:30

I used to work in a school like this. Hated it. Had a girl wet herself in my lesson. The toilets were locked so even if I had let her out she wouldn't have been able to find a toilet. We found poo in the stairwell more than once! There was a spreadsheet of naughty staff who had let kids leave their lessons to look for a toilet. So glad I don't work there still!

If a student asks me to go to the loo I ask if they're desperate, if they say yes I always let them go. We do have to log that they've gone to the loo though!

jacomax · 19/01/2019 08:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Weetabixandshreddies · 19/01/2019 08:33

Do teachers never have an emergency themselves, I am sure if you felt an imminent explosion of diarrhoea was on the books you would ignore rules and make a dash for the toilets rather than explode in front of the class.

My son is a teacher in a secondary school. The toilets are a fair way away from his classroom. If it was an emergency he would have to request on call SLT to come and cover his class. It would have to be urgent though for him to do this.

The students aren't always asking for a genuine reason though are they? As we can see they want to go for a walk, meet friends, smoke, cause trouble and so forth, as well as some who want the toilet.

woollyheart · 19/01/2019 08:35

Teachers must have different digestive systems to some of us then. I can certainly regulate enough to go for a wee in breaks. However, my stomach reacts to some foods, and there simply may be no warning. Good job I never wanted to be a teacher!