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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you inform the police if your child committed a serious crime?

321 replies

partinor · 14/01/2019 22:30

This is a hypothetical question. But just wondering what others would do if you knew or suspected your child had committed a serious crime such as rape or murder?
I would inform the police for rape or murder. Not so sure about theft though.

OP posts:
Lollypop27 · 15/01/2019 10:00

I hope to god I am never in any of these situations.

For rape I definitely would without any doubt. With everything else I honestly don’t know. I don’t think any of us could honestly answer unless we were in that situation. My primal instinct is to protect my children. I want to say I would turn them in as I’m a law abiding citizen and a good person but I just don’t know.

NottonightJosepheen · 15/01/2019 10:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aprilshowerswontbelong · 15/01/2019 10:20

I had to ring the police knowing it would mean I would never see my ds again.
It's his birthday soon and I grieve like it was the day he died.
At least I would be supported in my grief then.

ChariotsofFish · 15/01/2019 11:02

I think in most parents the instinct is to protect your child above all. But for some crimes the best thing for your child is for their crime to be dealt with properly. They can’t live a healthy, happy life if they’re not forced to confront having been a rapist or murderer. Same with something like repeat burglaries, they need help to change their life. In a lot of cases that’s going to mean involving the police. I hope I’d have the courage to recognise that and go to the police. But I am quite weak and indulgent and pretty certain I’d try to convince myself they were innocent unless I had absolute proof.

For minor things like drug use, I definitely wouldn’t report.

Hoppinggreen · 15/01/2019 11:04

No, not unless it was sexual
I know it’s wrong and I’m not proud of it but I wouldn’t

Geminijes · 15/01/2019 11:07

Without a doubt, YES.

Why should a parent lie for their child when they know they have committed a serious crime?

To those parents who say yes, they would lie....how would you feel if your daughter had been raped or your child murdered and the parents of the rapist or murderer were protecting him? Would you think that was OK?

SonEtLumiere · 15/01/2019 11:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PinkHeart5914 · 15/01/2019 11:11

I honestly don’t think I ever could. As for murder well quite honestly I’d help bury the body.

I know it’s wrong but I honestly think my insist to protect my child would kick in and I care about my children more than I give a fuck about anyone else at the end of the day

arranbubonicplague · 15/01/2019 11:12

Explains why so many violent men are excused and protected by their families.

I know somebody in the US who snapped and walked out of a Thanksgiving dinner after something like this.

Her DH's Uncle had been released from prison after serving a long sentence for rape and the US equivalent of GBH. He was present at the Thanksgiving dinner and, round the table, all of the relatives were going on and on ill-wishing the "lying bitch" who'd put him there plus all of the other liars.

She is the one who has caused the family problems, of course. And her DH's family are demanding apologies etc. for her unreasonable behaviour and warning her DH about her disloyalty.

Parky04 · 15/01/2019 11:15

Yes I would tell the police if my DS committed murder, rape, sexual crimes against minors. For the previous posters who said they wouldn't, what if they murdered a sibling?

RosemarysBabyDress · 15/01/2019 11:18

It makes me understand more all those parents who deny their child could possible be guilty of raping a woman or abusing a child.

I think you are confusing several issues, which doesn't help.

There's informing the police about a crime that has been committed.
Then there's stopping a crime that is happening right now, or preventing a crime from being committed.

Like it or not, but the answer is very different.
I don't believe that reporting your child is the right thing for me to do in the first scenario.

In reply to the poster who mentioned a mother covering for her child skipping school, I wouldn't judge without knowing the whole story either, sorry. The mother might want to keep her child's file clean, but take severe actions in the privacy of her own home. You don't know. Or she might not be giving a monkey about school.
If I knew my kid had done something that would cause him a lot of problem if reported, I would be more likely to deal with it privately. Who said there would be no consequences, but they don't always have to be public.

AintNobodyHereButUsReindeer · 15/01/2019 11:19

About 6yrs ago now my brother was stabbed by his own step brother multiple times. He came so close to dying that we were all summoned to the hospital in the middle of the night to say goodbye. Thankfully his life was saved and he's still with us today. His step mum, mother of the man that stabbed him, thinks my brother should 'forgive and forget' what her son did to him. Despite the fact that when they arrested him, he said "I hope he's dead, if he's not I'll finish the job when I get out."

Unsurprisngly my brother has not forgiven his step brother, nor will he ever forget it. The scar right across his throat along with the many others all over his torso remind him of this every single day.

How anyone could forgive their child for this, let alone expect their victim to forgive and forget, is utterly unthinkable to me. And I can't believe that so many on this thread would help their child cover up a crime like this.

appless · 15/01/2019 11:24

And I can't believe that so many on this thread would help their child cover up a crime like this

I don't think very many (if any) have said they would, tbf.

arranbubonicplague · 15/01/2019 11:25

ParkheadParadise and others who've lost children and people you love in such circumstances - I'm so sorry that life brought this to your door.

Drogosnextwife · 15/01/2019 11:30

If their crime hurt someone else and it wasn't in self defence, then yes, petty crime, no. Paedophilia, in a heart beat.

WoodlandOaks · 15/01/2019 11:42

I don’t think anyone can say what they would do, unless you are actually in situation.

Is it’s easy to say, “yes of course I would hand child in if they murdered someone?”, but what if they were only accused? What if they said they were set up? What happens if say they had murdered an absuive partner?

What if say you saw an image like them on say crimewatch and they denied it was them? Would you question or probe?

NottonightJosepheen · 15/01/2019 11:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bumblebee39 · 15/01/2019 11:49

Rape and murder probably.
I mean the circumstances would effect the murder. If someone raped my kid and they killed the bastard I would probably keep my mouth shut.
Likewise a paedophile.

The only reason I don't think rapists and paedophiles should get the death penalty is because of false imprisonments otherwise I think that the justice system is way to lax. These people ruin people's lives so I think I would struggle to condemn my child to a murder offence in those cases.

icannotremember · 15/01/2019 11:49

And I can't believe that so many on this thread would help their child cover up a crime like this.

The overwhelming majority of people on this thread have said very clearly that they would not help their child cover up a crime such as the terrible one your brother was victim to.

MsTSwift · 15/01/2019 12:10

Also I would imagine that if a child committed such a cruel and awful act that would not come out of the blue. The poor lady in the thread despairing of her 12 year old for example. It would likely be a long road. A cheerful kind son would be extremely unlikely to rape a stranger in a park and hit them with a brick.

WTBE · 15/01/2019 12:15

The people that would cover their child's crime What if it was a crime against your other child? Where would your loyalty stand then?

My automatic response is yes I would turn them in, I hope I would stick to that, the same way if my child was a victim I would want the offender caught.

Sprinkles212 · 15/01/2019 12:17

YES! On all counts, no matter how small. My children are my absolute world but they are not exempt from consequences that would take place as a result of their unlawful actions.

The flip side, if my child was ever the victim of rape or murder or ANY crime, I would hope the defendant's mother would do the same and report her child.

Victimless crime does not exist and I teach my children every single day, we always tell the truth and actions have consequences, good or bad.

MsTSwift · 15/01/2019 12:20

If you did cover for a serious crime your own and your child’s life would be forever poisoned anyway. Even if they “got away” with it you would have to not only live with the fact that a child of yours caused such harm but that you covered it up. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror.

BlooperReel · 15/01/2019 12:24

Rape, absolutely. Murder, depends on the context to be honest i.e. planned out, malicious, unprovoked attack - yes. Self defence i.e. they had been attacked and the resulting fight ended with a death, then no.

RosemarysBabyDress · 15/01/2019 12:26

If you did cover for a serious crime your own and your child’s life would be forever poisoned anyway.

don't you think it's the actual crime that would poison your life? On that note, what difference would it make if you report it or not? You feel everything will suddenly be ok because you call the cops?