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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you inform the police if your child committed a serious crime?

321 replies

partinor · 14/01/2019 22:30

This is a hypothetical question. But just wondering what others would do if you knew or suspected your child had committed a serious crime such as rape or murder?
I would inform the police for rape or murder. Not so sure about theft though.

OP posts:
TornFromTheInside · 14/01/2019 23:00

Self defence wouldn't be murder.

RosemarysBabyDress · 14/01/2019 23:01

I wouldn't even want to know them.

well, first of all, you have some responsibility because you are the one who raised your child and made him that way.

You also don't bring a dead body back to life by going to the police.

Knitwit101 · 14/01/2019 23:03

There was a tv drama about this a few years back. A couple got together and her teenage son murdered his teenage daughter.

There was this scene where she was out in the countryside with her son and they both knew that when they got into the car she was going to drive him to the police station and he would spend years in jail. That was their last moment together before everything changed. That really stayed with me. But she had to take him to the police, what else could she have done? Yes I would tell the police if my child had done something bad enough. It would be awful but I would have to do it.

RosemarysBabyDress · 14/01/2019 23:03

Could you really live with the guilt of knowing and not reporting who committed such a crime?
What guilt? the one for badly raising a child, wouldn't changed if said child was in jail or not.

I would consider informing the police if there were possibilities or risks of more murder to happen, because my silence would cause more crimes. If not, of course I wouldn't sell my child off!

MrsRyanGosling15 · 14/01/2019 23:03

jimdandy so if your child held someone else's child down and raped them, what then? How could you even look at them? What about that other persons innocent child? I can't believe decent, law abiding people would ever have that view.

Original poster
partinor · 14/01/2019 23:03

Rosemary I don't believe adults are totally the way they are because of how their parents bring them up. Of course it has an influence, but there are many other factors as well.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 14/01/2019 23:04

well, first of all, you have some responsibility because you are the one who raised your child and made him that way.

So every rapist/murderer/serial killer/arsonist/drug dealer was made that way because of their parents? Rubbish!

And I hope I would shop them. I also would struggle to even look at them afterwards.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 14/01/2019 23:04

I'd try to persuade them to turn themselves in and confess, but if they wouldn't then yes. I'd love them and support in every other way I could, but they'd have to pay for their crime.

I'm rather horrified at the number of you who wouldn't.

RosemarysBabyDress · 14/01/2019 23:05

partinor I agree, and wouldn't take the credit for a very successful child either. But I wouldn't deny my responsibility in it, so it's too easy to suddenly refuse to know them.

Lockheart · 14/01/2019 23:06

Lots of people say they’d turn family in, in a hypothetical scenario.

That doesn’t often play out in real life, however. Loyalty, denial, the drive to stay safe / out of prison, and the fear of upsetting the status quo are powerful things. We tell ourselves lies to excuse things (I don’t believe X could have done that / they’re lying / they have no proof / they’ve always been such a kind person).

It’s the same sort of thing Mary Beard (I think it was her) was talking about where, upon asking her lecture hall who would have joined the French resistance in Nazi France, almost everyone put their hands up. Because it’s the right / honourable thing to do. The reality of the situation is that statistically only about 3 or 4 of the people in the lecture would have joined.

Yabbers · 14/01/2019 23:06

Yes.

mildshock · 14/01/2019 23:06

Yes, I would. Rape, violent crimes that weren't the result of self defence, including murder. If they had caused a death or injury (e.g crash while drink driving). Anything to do with abusing children, downloading images etc.

I think my love for my children is unconditional, but there's no way I would help cover up crimes of this nature for them. I don't know if I'd report something like shoplifting or similar.

explodingkitten · 14/01/2019 23:07

In my country you never have to testify against your own child. So I probably won't.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 14/01/2019 23:07

Yes I wouldn’t definitely report them if I knew 100% they had committed the crime. I would view it as a failure of my parenting in a way and would want to “correct” the issue by making sure they were punished using society’s laws.

Mind you, if this were in a country where the law was truly an ass, then I wouldn’t necessarily do that.

But the more I think about it, the more possibilities there are that I would NOT in some circumstances. Eg possession of cannabis for own use. Unless it was an ongoing issue My first thought would be to have a massive talk with them about the implications of carrying on. As long as they showed remorse and wanted to stop.

Orlandointhewilderness · 14/01/2019 23:08

yes i think i would

MrsRyanGosling15 · 14/01/2019 23:08

Rosmarysbabydress i would be more concerned with the standard of parenting of someone who would cover those things up, rather than parents who would report them. I genuinely do not believe the blame for rapists or murders, raping and killing people lays at the doors of their mothers.
And of course you can't bring a dead body back to life, but you can get justice for the dead and their families. Then there is also the view that it's just wrong and against the law and you are not judge and jury.

Original poster
partinor · 14/01/2019 23:09

Lockheart Yes I know many people who say they would tell the police, when push comes to shove would not. But there are lots here saying they would not anyway.

Also Mary Beard example is a bit rubbish. Who would not put their hand up in front of their friends? No one wants to be the one to say publicly they would opt for a safer life and collaborate with the Nazis. So you will get a slightly more accurate result if you ask anonymously.

OP posts:
dorisdog · 14/01/2019 23:09

What if your DC murdered someone in self defence? But you knew that statistically they might not be believed? What if they killed someone who would have gone on to kill others if they hadn't stopped them? What if one day it's illegal to murder other animals and we are all retrospectively put on trial as accomplices? Etc etc...my imagination does overtime in these scenarios, in dark and horrible ways. But I'm on way too many creative writing threads...

Cheeeeislifenow · 14/01/2019 23:10

Yes. How can anyone say otherwise?? Fair enough to a degree theft? But some of you wouldn't report them for murder or rape?

What about being a pedophile?

Original poster
partinor · 14/01/2019 23:11

Yes you can not bring someone dead back to life. But if someone murdered your child, surely you would want their murderers to be caught?

OP posts:
MartaHallard · 14/01/2019 23:11

Could you really live with the guilt of knowing and not reporting who committed such a crime?

What guilt?

What if they went on to commit further offences? The man who killed Claire Tiltman was able to carry out a serious assault another woman because his parents didn't turn him in after Claire's murder.

TornFromTheInside · 14/01/2019 23:12

well, first of all, you have some responsibility because you are the one who raised your child and made him that way.

Nope, you played a part in raising a child, but you did not make a murderer. There are countless instances of families with a killer in them, where the rest of the siblings all had the same upbringing and turned out ok.

Valanice1989 · 14/01/2019 23:13

What if your DC murdered someone in self defence?

By definition, self-defence isn't murder, is it? Murder means killing someone unlawfully.

SwagQueen · 14/01/2019 23:13

Anyone else feel weirdly uncomfortable reading this thread?

Started typing out my answer, looked down at my 2.5 month DS and deleted.

I don't know what I would do.

ScienceIsTruth · 14/01/2019 23:13

I wanted to answer before reading anyone else's reply.

Yes, because how else do they learn about taking responsibility for their actions.