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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you inform the police if your child committed a serious crime?

321 replies

partinor · 14/01/2019 22:30

This is a hypothetical question. But just wondering what others would do if you knew or suspected your child had committed a serious crime such as rape or murder?
I would inform the police for rape or murder. Not so sure about theft though.

OP posts:
Coyoacan · 15/01/2019 03:30

I would definitely report my child if I thought that they were an ongoing danger to society, such as a serial killer.

But I don't know what I'd do if someone else was going to be charged with their crime.

jessstan2 · 15/01/2019 03:33

kateandme, that's the sort of question I would have asked :-), also asked if the Queen would be prosecuted if she committed murder.

jessstan2 · 15/01/2019 03:35

Smotheroffive, know what you mean.
That's why we have 'the law', to protect people from taking it into their own hands in all sorts of ways. No matter how much integrity they have, people who are close to each other cannot be totally unbiased and it is natural for parents to want to protect their young.

Smotheroffive · 15/01/2019 03:46

I would assume it would go something like...listen, some person got killed and I don't know anything about it, but I've been framed, just in case the police come knocking or anything, ...oh yes, love, don't worry, I believe you, I'll make sure the nasty police won't find you. It will all blow oveover, finish your coco and go on up to bed and we won't say another word about it. Night night dahling kiss kiss.

Ifangyow · 15/01/2019 03:54

I can honestly say I don't know and hopefully I will never be in a position to have to make that decision.
Its all too easy to say what we would do in a hypothetical situation, but the reality is that until that situation arises, we simply don't know.
I often tell myself that if Billy Burglar comes through the window when I'm alone overnight, that I would hide behind my bedroom door and twot him round the head with my husband's old cricket bat as he comes through it.
The reality is, I would probably be a gibbering wreck hiding under my duvet.

Crazybird2018 · 15/01/2019 06:06

I would never report my own child, no matter what.. but if it was a step child or a relateve’s child I would.

Spfairydust · 15/01/2019 06:11

Yes. And have done (not for rape or murder though). Was the best thing that I ever did to support my child and stopped a problem from getting worse.

MsTSwift · 15/01/2019 06:59

I wonder if most of the “I would cover up at any cost” group still just have adorable babies and toddlers? Parents of teens or adults who have displayed difficult behaviour would give more realistic answers.

seratoninlevelsup · 15/01/2019 07:07

I get what some of you are saying, but my child is MY child and my loyalty and instinct is to protect them.

Explains why so many violent men are excused and protected by their families.

RosemarysBabyDress · 15/01/2019 07:08

How could they know what's right or wrong if they have never been taught? Especially when mummy dearest will defend him, whatever.

how often are you expecting that hypothetical child to commit a murder? How do you get not being told right or wrong from not reporting a child to the police exactly?
Who said there are no consequences to action? Just because some people don't involve authorities doesn't mean nothing happens, you have no idea what happens behind close doors. How do you translate "not informing the police" by "not having any discipline, any value, and no parenting"?

It's a ridiculous way to put it. I would hope my kids are less likely to commit a murder because they know family have their back and having a strong and decent support network will keep them out of trouble.

What a nice way to raise a child: if you do anything wrong, I don't know you and will throw all I can against you. Yes, that makes for a happy child.Hmm

RosemarysBabyDress · 15/01/2019 07:10

Smotheroffive
most ridiculous post written.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 15/01/2019 07:12

No one really knows what they would do really, as it depends on so many unknown factors.

herethereandeverywhere · 15/01/2019 07:15

The OPs question made me think about the Rhys Jones case in Liverpool. The parents of the perpetrators were key in keeping them at large and evading justice for so long. I find their actions as appalling as the killing itself and personally could not have my child's heinous crimes on my conscious.

Huntawaymama · 15/01/2019 07:16

I'd encourage my daughters to go to the police and hand themselves in however if I had a ton of money I'd probably help them cover it up and run away with them

chillpizza · 15/01/2019 07:22

Im not dropping my children in the shit. They are my children and although will be annoying it’s my job to protect them.

Quickerthanavicar · 15/01/2019 07:25

of course

HoraceCope · 15/01/2019 07:39

I would try and convince them to hand themselves in

grasspigeons · 15/01/2019 07:41

I think reporting them is the same as protecting them in many instances.

NutElla5x · 15/01/2019 07:49

Wow I can't believe how many people would protect their kid even if they took someone's life or raped them!!!! Wtaf? This actually really bothers me. Of course we all love our kids and with that comes a fierce loyalty and protective instinct,and it would be heart wrenching to turn in that child that you've loved and nurtured for all those years,but how about if he/she was the one who had been raped or murdered and the person who wronged them was never bought to justice and free to offend again. Would that be fine with you,because he/she is someone else's child after all. So in answer to the question as much as I love my children with all my heart,and as hard as it would be I really really hope I would be strong enough to do the right thing if.God forbid,I did find myself in that position and you lot that are happy to announce that you would help your child get away literally with murder are a fucking disgrace in my opinion.

User761 · 15/01/2019 07:52

I am really one of a very small minority here who finds the answers on this thread absolutely horrifying, and also very telling?

Takes me back to being a child inside my home (what was meant to be our safe haven) whilst it was broken into by older youths and robbed - absolutely terrifying & as a 27 year old woman it still gives me nightmares and fear in my own home - it has never fully left me. They never caught them, though we saw them.

They were quite experienced burglers to do what they did. Perhaps if their nearest and dearest had shopped them in, they may have stopped terrorising other people in their own homes and effecting people for life. Perhaps they still would have continued - but justice would have been good, and deserved.

And that's burglary, not even murder or rape. I can't imagine how the families of victims of murder and rape feel reading this - and no doubt there are some reading this.

Some of you should be ashamed of yourselves. You can still love, and support your family, while doing the right thing and also protecting the wider public from the actions of your offspring. Not reporting them to the police is sending a clear message it's ok to do what they hypothetically did - how is that a responsible way of loving and raising your children, what example does it set.

I love my family dearly. But if any of them caused hurt or distress to another person, yes I would shop them in. You just don't get to do that in society.

Perhaps some of you should think about what you'd want the parents of a child to do, if they harmed your child.

MsTSwift · 15/01/2019 07:54

If they were troubled and it was petty property crime I might try to get help privately first though dh would report. Any harm to another person would definitely have to report.

MsTSwift · 15/01/2019 07:56

Oh and burglary not petty what you experienced was a very serious robbery. I’m thinking shoplifting if a drug addict type of offence.

Branleuse · 15/01/2019 08:02

it would totally depend on what they did and why.

If we are talking hypothetically of course, then if i was a black parent in america, i wouldnt call the police for anything.

ShatnersWig · 15/01/2019 08:05

Someone asks this question on MN every few months or so. And I am always shocked by the number of people who say they wouldn't report their kids for crimes or would in effect cover for them by not saying anything.

Personally, I think those people are exceptionally bad parents.

CherryPavlova · 15/01/2019 08:06

I like to think I would, but having never been in that position and being unlikely to be in that position I can’t possibly know.
I can’t imagine for the most serious crime where someone dies, I could stand by and do nothing. I think I’d make the call but I can understand the desire to protect your child, the ability to persuade yourself it wasn’t really their fault. Drug use I think supports murder and crime, so I class it as the same. Drunk driving likewise.
I do have some degree of faith in our justice system (less in police impartiality) but wonder whether I’d feel the same if I had black sons living in inner city areas?