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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you inform the police if your child committed a serious crime?

321 replies

partinor · 14/01/2019 22:30

This is a hypothetical question. But just wondering what others would do if you knew or suspected your child had committed a serious crime such as rape or murder?
I would inform the police for rape or murder. Not so sure about theft though.

OP posts:

lalalalyra · 15/01/2019 00:19

I don't think you can possibly know what you'd do until you were in that situation.

So many times do you hear people saying they didn't react as they expected and I think this has to be one of those times where you wouldn't know what instinct you'd have until it happened.

I imagine that a good number of the people who do cover up for their child because they just simply can't believe that their Peter/Mary/Oliver has actually done the heinous thing without any reason.

It's like wives and girlfriends stick up for their husband or boyfriend when they are blatantly guilty of rape. They just simply don't believe it. If they believed it then they likely wouldn't, but they don't so they do. And you can't know until you are in that situation.

notangelinajolie · 15/01/2019 00:21

Murder hell yes.
My bar is way lower than that.
One of my DC's came home smelling of drugs and was out the door before they had chance to get their coat off. Didn't report to police because being smelly isn't a crime. Even being in the company of people smoking drugs is a red line for me. Still not convinced they hadn't smoked the drugs themselves but I've not smelt that smell on them since so they have been allowed back home. Next time I won't be so forgiving.

Frequency · 15/01/2019 00:22

Murder or rape yes but as I have two girls I doubt they will ever be accused of raping anyone. If my sister rang me to tell me she'd murdered her violent husband I'd be round with my shovel and an alibi.

GabsAlot · 15/01/2019 00:25

to the poster who said u dont have to testify against your child-doesnt make it right though to just plead ignorance does it

appless · 15/01/2019 00:26

If I believed my child was a danger to others, I would. So that includes rape/sexual assault and some cases of murder.

Something minor like theft or anything drugs related then no, I would never in a million years tell the police. I imagine I would lie to the police to protect them too, if necessary.

Aridane · 15/01/2019 00:35

What people say they'd do is not the same as what they would actually do if faced with such a dilemma

Indeed!

lalalalyra · 15/01/2019 00:42

I also think there's a huge difference between what a lot of people would do if they knew their child had done something and if they only suspected. And unless you were there, or your child confessed, I can only imagine how difficult it would be to actually convince yourself that your child committed such a crime.

AcrossthePond55 · 15/01/2019 00:43

Any type of violent crime, absolutely. Same for any type of organized drug/gang ring affiliation or habitual offenses of any type.

Drug use or one petty crime, probably not unless I felt that turning them in would help them reform in the long run.

You can still love someone unconditionally and not condone or abet them in wrong-doing. In fact, I think it shows greater love & sacrifice to turn them in and force them to suffer the consequences of their choices, knowing that they may very well hate you for it.

pineapplebryanbrown · 15/01/2019 00:58

I know that I wouldn't actually go to prison for my child. So i think inaction, not reporting to police yes but action ie transporting or burying a body no.

TigerTooth · 15/01/2019 01:23

BeachtheButler · 15/01/2019 01:30

The question was about shopping them to the Police. I’m not sure where covering it up has come from. Not explicitly informing the Police is not the same as “covering it up”.

Oh yes it is. And if it were a crime (as opposed to what used to be called a misdemeanour), I'd shop them without a moment's hesitation.

shpoot · 15/01/2019 01:38

Everyone is obsessed with rape and murder. What about burglary? Burglars are predominately repeat offenders and cause so much damage to people's lives.

shpoot · 15/01/2019 01:39

@thighofrelief101 you could go to prison for not reporting them! It's a crime

JimCricket · 15/01/2019 01:44

I couldn’t, even if the crime repulsed me I couldn’t betray my child

pineapplebryanbrown · 15/01/2019 01:46

shpoot it would be more difficult to prove the contents of my head though rather than my fingerprints on a shovel.

IAmNotAWitch · 15/01/2019 01:46

I don't know. Too many variables.

shpoot · 15/01/2019 01:48

Maybe. But check out the parents that protected their scum offspring in the Rhys Jones killing. They quite rightly went to prison.

BeachtheButler · 15/01/2019 01:51

I couldn’t betray my child

The way I see it, my child's betrayed me.

pineapplebryanbrown · 15/01/2019 01:54

shpoit weren't they active though in covering up? Like the parents of Stephen Lawrence's killers?

treeogal · 15/01/2019 02:03

Rape or murder absolutely. I could never let my child be a risk to innocent people and not speak up. I would still love my child but to turn a blind eye would be like condoning their actions.

The only time I may see why someone would question that would be if their child killed someone who was abusing them. But even then I'd work on getting them the best legal team and support, not hiding it etc.

TornFromTheInside · 15/01/2019 02:11

Maybe. But check out the parents that protected their scum offspring in the Rhys Jones killing. They quite rightly went to prison.

An entire neighbourhood protected them - out of fear of reprisals. It was common knowledge who had done it.

shpoot · 15/01/2019 02:19

I know all of that. Was just giving an example of when, despite denials, you can be convicted of covering it up. Not reporting a crime is actively covering it up. It is an offence in itself.

jessstan2 · 15/01/2019 02:22

Any crime involving violence agateteinst another I would report unless I was absolutely convinced it happened by accident ....... oh, I don't know, if someone maimed or killed a person by accident and I was convinced of their innocence, presumably the law and a jury could also be convinced so no reason to keep quiet.

Isn't it a horrible thought, too horrible to contemplate. Yet there are parents who are forced to consider such things in their children, my goodness my heart goes out to them.

I wouldn't report a petty theft.

kateandme · 15/01/2019 03:10

i rememeber asking my mum and dad this when I was little and i was really upset haha

Smotheroffive · 15/01/2019 03:20

I am shook at how many would protect rapists and murderers!?? Omg, really?!

How awful, if you still think your little darling is angel after raping or murdering I would hope you go down too for perverting the course of justice and everything else they can throw at you.

I hope those pp that wouldn't report don't actually know any rapists and murderers!!

Ergh!

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