Do your teenager's bedrooms look like this?

[thingersandfumbs]

Just that really. My teenage DD lives in an utter shit pit.

So, aibu to care? For context, DP encountered our dog with a used sanitary towel in his mouth a few weeks ago, from DD's shit tip.

I'm no clean and tidy queen, I promise you that, but to me this is unacceptable. Aibu?

Make her watch Marie Kondo on repeat until she dyes her hair black, cuts a fringe and starts thanking old christmas cards before putting them in the bin.

Im not even joking (i had to pause mid episode because i was so overcome with wanting to sort out my kitchen drawers)

Mine looked like this. My mother just picked other battles I guess.

I think my DD's bedroom would look like that if I let her. But I found, £ £ £ speaks volumes! My DC's are allowed to do a few jobs around the house and tidy their bedrooms. They receive their weekly pocket money once it's clean (ish). I have lowerd my standards a bit, because I don't want to constantly nag them. But they know that dishes, leftover food & drink and dirty clothes should be in their retrospective places.

It looks as if shes studying full time (Alevels), working part time and having to find meals herself if she’s working late, plus paying some keep.

She’s doing a lot more than most 18 year olds. It seems she needs help in managing her room and someone helping her keep on top of it whilst she’s juggling Alevels and work.

Bejam, that might be true in some cases, but not in all. I have one DC who is completely skanky. The others aren't. They have all grown up with the same rules and routines.

I would literally die if my DS room looked like that. He’s at uni now and he’s a bit untidy, but not dirty. I couldn’t leave a room like that for any length of time.

My daughter's bedrooms don't look like that because i wouldn't allow it

I guess because I role model these simple actions.

My mum is an absolute neat clean freak. I assure you she is a terrific role model in terms of cleaning and tidying but that doesnt mean my room didnt turn into a sty at when i hit my student years!

That is bad. Does she make any effort to clean/tidy ever?

My bedroom as a teenager often got messy with piles of stuck everywhere but I would clean it every so often.

That's not a bedroom, it's mental illness projected into Euclidian space. I've seen tidier rooms on those awful programs where they break into crack dens. Maybe I'm just weird but I'd never be able to look like that.

@Whatshouldmynamebe321 haha haha! Nice to be so smug!

I think it’s both quite normal and quite disgusting; I also think quite normal and quite disgusting for someone to rock up and comment on the being too small. Lucky for those posters not being able to envisage a liftestyle where they can’t immediately move to a larger house

I have 3DSs 21,19,16 and they are all like that. I blame being a sahm for far too long + not teaching them to tidy up. My fault but doesn't stop me spitting fire. They will tidy if they have friends over not if I nag.

Incidentally DHs side of the bed looks like this. He blames his ADHD but that's his standard response when challenged on anything like this. Arse

Oh my days! How does she find anything. I have 2 teen boys living at home and they keep there own space pretty clean.
I’d get bin bags and sweep it all up. Clearly doesn’t respect things. The germs breeding.....Do her friends ever come over?

Teebee yes, I have boys! I think me going in for a few mins each day and ordering them around prevents anything like this happening. Little and often! It's good for the boys too as it's discipline. Hopefully in the future I am making their future wives lives a bit more pleasant too! I feel for the Op as I think she's getting a bit of a hammering on here but ultimately she is the mum and really should not have let this happen. I am a bit of a clean freak though so maybe I'm being ott!

TBDO she is studying yes. It's about 6-8 hours of contact a week. She works part time - generally two or three shifts a week. She does not have to find her own meals. There is always plenty of food in the house, very often leftovers boxed up and ready to pop in the microwave if she's working over a mealtime. I really don't see that she's doing too much.

All of the dcs have to pay 1/5 of their wages. This is to teach them that earning money = responsibility and part of that is contributing to the running of the home.

FWIW, to whoever said when they're passing they collect stuff, I don't. Ever. The layout of the house means I never pass her room, I have to go specifically to her room if I want to see it.

There is something seriously wrong if you allow this kind of disgusting filth in your home. Anyone who says this is "normal" needs professional help. Wild animals don't live this way.

Wow, just wow.
I was messy but not on that level!
Absolutely vile

Aquamarine exactly. I don't think it's normal. There may well be a lot things wrong with me but that isn't one of them!

What would you suggest to improve the situation? I genuinely am all ears. As I've said several times, I'm at my wits end.

Well then why don't you pass deliberately to help out and show her how it's done? I couldn't allow that to pile up and would feel sorry for my children having to sleep with the rubbish and food there.

I do appreciate she's an adult but still it's your home too. Clearly she's not learning from the leave to her approach so how about you both work on it?

I've done that so many times. I've helped her so often but every time it ends up like this again.

Let's not forget, she's 18. She doesn't HAVE to live like this. Not at all.

@thingerandfumbs

You say how all your dc pay 1/5 of salary to you as it teaches them responsibilities of running a home but surely, your dd would benefit from you starting more gently ie rubbish in bin. Dirty clothes in laundry, etc.
Responsibility runs far further than money. Personal hygiene, presentation, respect of property, not functioning like the Tasmanian Devil has taken her over.
I commend you for charging your dc money. Do they not question why they may pay different amounts? Do the children who pay the most get you to clean their room for them and the dc paying the least fend for themselves? ( intended humorously as it’s exactly the debate my dc would have thrown at me)

I have no idea how you could deal with it ... I think I would be pretty upset if my young adult children had so little respect for themselves, their home and their mother that they would feel that is an acceptable way to live...

The used sanitary towel would be a step too far but not too far from what I was like as a teenager. My Aunty is a complete neat freak and used to specifically ask to see my bedroom when she came round !!!! I have no advice though!

@MoorMummy I would literally die. You know, you really wouldn't, however much you might want to.

BTW, it's the girl I have a problem with. The boys are pretty clean...

My children are aged 7, 9, 12 and 15. The evening before rubbish day they are sent up with a black bag to empty all the rubbish bins upstairs.

I'm no authoritarian...but I am their parent and if I ask them to do a simple task like that they do. Would your daughter do that weekly If you asked?