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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do your teenager's bedrooms look like this?

488 replies

thingersandfumbs · 14/01/2019 17:44

Just that really. My teenage DD lives in an utter shit pit.

So, aibu to care? For context, DP encountered our dog with a used sanitary towel in his mouth a few weeks ago, from DD's shit tip.

I'm no clean and tidy queen, I promise you that, but to me this is unacceptable. Aibu?

OP posts:
beachwednesday · 14/01/2019 21:18

That is disgraceful ! What on Earth - bottles ? Food? In the room unacceptable !
If my child ever thought about doing that move out !

longtimelurkerhelen · 14/01/2019 21:18

Have you tried the "if it's on the floor, I know it's rubbish and will throw it out" trick.

Take a bin bag (or a few bin bags) bag it all up and throw it out. No food or drink allowed in bedroom.

Used sanitary wear is just grim, I wouldn't even know what to suggest. It is a health hazard.

My room was messy, but not dirty as a young teen, but I had definitely grown out of that by 18.

Withholding WiFi should do the trick hopefully.

I also don't think her room too small, It would look a lot bigger if it was tidy.

JaceLancs · 14/01/2019 21:19

Yes it’s normal
It’s her space
Keep door closed do not enter
Worked and works for me

MrsTommyBanks · 14/01/2019 21:22

I've just seen she's is 18. That is a bit old to be so messy I think. Mine got her act together about 15/16.

BlueJava · 14/01/2019 21:22

That's disgusting and filthy, it can't possibly be cleaned whilst there is that amount of stuff laying around. I have 2 teenage DS, everything is put away, dusted each week, (robot)vaccumed, all clothes hung up, zero dirty crokery apart from perhaps a glass of water at night. YANBU.

TeeBee · 14/01/2019 21:23

Anneofcleaves, I have much the same approach. I find myself saying 'hey, I'm doing a dark wash today. If you put all your washing in the laundry basket, it'll get washed for you, otherwise you can do it when you finish school'.
There is no way on God's earth I'd be doing anything for my boys if their bedroom was that state. But then I do find they do need teaching to tidy properly. What you think might be obvious very often isn't.

StyleOfTheTimes · 14/01/2019 21:25

Also with the used sanitary towels, I know someone who left some used ones in a drawer so they weren’t on display in the bathroom bin and a fly got in. Needless to say the next time she went to put one in the drawer she was met with a drawer full of maggots 🤢

Thehop · 14/01/2019 21:25

YANBU that’s a pigsty. The scruff.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/01/2019 21:26

I haven't read the entire thread because I was so shocked at the pictures. This is not normal and it's COMPLETELY unacceptable. Allowing your child to live in filth in YOUR home is doing them a massive disservice. I'm gobsmacked.

bringbacksideburns · 14/01/2019 21:28

And the prize for dickhead comment of the week goes to...

YABVU to expect a teen girl to manage in that glorified cupboard

My daughter only has a box room. Perfectly adequate with a single bed, set of drawers and fitted wardrobe. Some people don't live in mansions. Think before you make flippant comments.Hmm

As for the mess. Reminds me of some of the students I knew in the Eighties. You could never find anywhere to sit. One I know is still messy today but holds down a very responsible job.

The floordrobe is a given with my two...but maybe not quite as, er, well established as your photos.
Pretty grim OP.

MitziK · 14/01/2019 21:29

My mother was a hoarder. She used the room I shared with my brother until I was 13 as satellite storage for furniture and knackered bedding.

After he left, she started moving more furniture in, so I played dirty after she went nuts at me for suggesting I didn't need 2 beds, 4 mattresses, two sets of drawers, 2 wardrobes, a dressing table, 6 foot high shelves and a box that had been used to store whole cheeses in there when it meant I had to climb through a small gap to reach my bed.

I fucking trashed it. Trashed it to a depth of four foot, silently tipped over the precious fucking furniture and then waited.

Three weeks later, I came home from school to find that she was punishing me by emptying everything out of it other than one chest of drawers and a bed. Even the patch of see-through carpet had been torn up, leaving me with solid oak floorboards. And throwing a notebook at me listing every single item she'd thrown out, so I could 'suffer' some more.

I couldn't have been happier. Best move I ever made, that.

Anyway, my temporary pit was done deliberately to get her to the point of clearing the stuff I didn't want out of there, as the furniture was completely unnecessary and I felt that what should have been my space to keep out of her way was being used as another dump.

The OP's daughter might be a complete minger, or she could be deliberately trying to provoke a reaction to get rid of things she doesn't want - or just generally trying to provoke the OP for reasons unknown.

It's foul and needs to be gutted in order to be able to store normal amounts of teenage stuff. But it's worth asking the OP if she's angry about something/whether it's OK to chuck out the unnecessary furniture to start from scratch. Not as a reward, but because it's not well designed - it's easier to keep somewhere clean and tidy/more likely to happen if there is space.

littlebillie · 14/01/2019 21:31

Erm I would go batshit with mine long before it got to that state. You must be a lovely mum to let your DD to express herself like this. I would be in there with a roll of bin bags

RomanyRoots · 14/01/2019 21:32

Mine is just coming out of this phase she's 15, I do have to remind her and often, she can trash hers in a weekend.
OP at the risk of being flamed for mentioning sn, but could your daughter have a barrier.
With mine it was suggested she was overwhelmed, didn't know where to start to sort out the mess.
She used to pile it all in her wardrobe so it would go away.
Food, wrappers, clothes, toiletries all wrapped up together.
I used to cry.
Just thought it worth a mention, my dd was under CAMHS at the time and they made suggestions.

Autumnchill · 14/01/2019 21:38

We had late teens summer guests that lived like that. We threw them out as the smell started to creep into the hallway

RosemarysBabyDress · 14/01/2019 21:39

If I was coming back from holiday and found one of my kids bedroom in this state, I would:
-fight my first urge and give them 2 or 3 days grace period to sort it out.
-then either hire a cleaner and let them pay,
or possibly hire a skip and shovel all the crap in it.

The thing is, if I threaten my kids to put something in the bin, they know I mean it, so they tend to take me seriously because it will happen.

tobee · 14/01/2019 21:46

Mine two have rooms like this. But one of them hasn't been a teen for 4 and a half years. Sad

Fraying · 14/01/2019 21:46

My room was never like that when I was a teen. Neither were my friends' rooms.
OP have you taken pics of it when it's clean and tidy? Not to post on here but as a reminder for your DD. Sometimes it's hard to see how bad it is when you're living in it everyday. If you had tidy pics, it might help to motivate your DD.

helpmum2003 · 14/01/2019 21:49

If you change the WiFi password you can select which kids get the new code...

Ggirl27 · 14/01/2019 21:49

I'd be bagging it up and giving her until the bins next went out to retrieve what she wanted to keep. What does she think of everyones responses??

AmIAWeed · 14/01/2019 21:50

You are not unreasonable and actually the photos don't phase me at all. I have a 13 and 14 year old and they are minging.
I gutted my son's room and took pics of the mould and mank. My daughter was messy so I took daily photos, posted on Facebook and tagged her mates - nothing worked.
I went in gutted both rooms, binned lots and cleaned. Told them to sort clothes and belongings.
All of which was shoved back in draws, not sorted. So I pulled it all out again and repeated.
I cleaned again
I removed tv cables (sons is still missing)
And every time they left something lying around the house I put it under their pillow as a 'nice surprise' things like, I've had an icelolly and left the stick and wrapper on the coffee table.

I still don't think we're close to tidy but I am in every other day now for 5 minutes instead of every day.

ThisIsAGoodDay · 14/01/2019 21:51

My bedroom looked like this as a teen. Once I went to uni, I started taking more pride in my room. I’m far from a clean freak today, but I keep my house tidy.

It’s not normal for every teenager, but I don’t think it will be particularly unusual either.

Jeanclaudejackety · 14/01/2019 21:54

It's grim just because she is a teenager doesnt mean she can act like a total slob, is she not embarrassed to have friends round? No way would my mum have put up with that and no way I'll be putting up with it either

OhFlipMama · 14/01/2019 21:57

Oh. My. Goodness. This has shocked me. I was a messy teenager and look back with a degree of embarrassment about that, but it was nothing like these photos! I'd have a clothes pile on the floor that I'd have to go through now and again, magazines by the bed, cups and maybe a couple of plates and dust...but it wasn't like this!

BejamNostalgia · 14/01/2019 22:00

That is bad.

Mine was that bad too. I’m afraid to say though, from my own experience, when it gets that bad, it’s usually because parents have not firmly instilled good routines when they’re younger. Sorry.

Whatshouldmynamebe321 · 14/01/2019 22:06

My daughter's bedrooms don't look like that because i wouldn't allow it. I encourage them to tidy up and also help them. If I'm passing and see cups or rubbish i will take them downstairs with me...just as I do all around the house. My children help also...I guess because I role model these simple actions.
It's our home...therefore we all are responsible to tidy it.

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