Do your teenager's bedrooms look like this?

[thingersandfumbs]

Just that really. My teenage DD lives in an utter shit pit.

So, aibu to care? For context, DP encountered our dog with a used sanitary towel in his mouth a few weeks ago, from DD's shit tip.

I'm no clean and tidy queen, I promise you that, but to me this is unacceptable. Aibu?

For a teen I'd say that's not abnormal.

Why is she drinking wine in her room though (haven't RTFT)? I think I'd say no food or drink in there.

It would also look a hell of a lot better if she had a plain painted wall - the wallpaper adds clutter and encourages the other clutter IMO.

At 18 she should know to put used sanitary things in the bin or down the loo. It's the first thing my mother taught me!

I remember the foster kids used to leave theirs on the side in the bathroom because they "forgot" they were taken up each time I made to tidy it until they had stopped forgetting.

I was very messy with piles of clothes etc but at 18 i had learnt to keep a fairly tidy room or atleast so a deep clean every so often.

My drawers still get in a jumble nowadays but it's normally hidden until it annoys me too much and I fold everything again.

You need to show her how she can keep things tidy and how it would be better for her mental health and sleeping by being a bit tidier.... we all have that chair or the pile on the floor but the rest of it is gross

I have informed MNHQ. They have declined which I'm ok with. DD knew.

The fresh start approach has been done many, many times. Even my mum has helped her. Within weeks it's just as bad.

She is 18, not 13. She doesn't get pocket money. She earns her own money. If she finished a shift at midnight, she'll take herself off to a takeaway or order a pizza and I'm in bed by then, or I'm working a night shift.

For those of you blaming me, maybe I could have been more insistent earlier in her life. Maybe I'm reaping the rewards of not doing it before. I dunno.

The WiFi thing is really tempting me though.

The daughter is 18 not a kid and agreed to the post

How is that provable, though, on this or any other thread? Genuine question.

Perhaps incentive of redecorating and getting new furniture might help?

YANBU this is disgusting. Neither my daughter OR son had a bedroom so bad. Untidy yeah, (sometimes,) but not complete squalor.

My BFF's eldest daughter had a bedroom like that though. She was a really disgusting slob! (Between 12-ish and 16.) After a year of trying to clean it up, my friend gave up, and shut the door on it all!

The lass got her first boyfriend at 16 though and her mom helped her blitz the room, and it's been OK since.

@thingersandfumbs

YABU to post photos on the internet on a major message forum though.I would ask MN to delete it tbh. (The whole thread...)

@MiaKolpar

Ah from your previous post I was under the impression your children, rather than one child, were actively disobeying your reasonable request for food to remain downstairs.

In any event, any child with a room in this truly disgusting state is not just untidy. It’s a mix of extreme untidiness and lack of respect for parents asking that it is not kept in such a state.

I don't blame you, OP, not at all. But I don't think this is helping. Your DD might be furious with you tomorrow or next week or next month, about the used san pad comments online.

For what it's worth, I think if you've asked MNHQ to take the thread down and they've refused, that's a bad call.on their part.

The decor was her choice four years ago. I suggested over a year ago that I would help her to redecorate to her newer, more adult choices. I made it clear that this would be only done if I could actually get into the room. Nothing has changed.

I bought her a blind nearly a year ago as she was complaining about the light waking her up (her old blind had broken). Again, I said I'd put it up when I could make it to the window. It's still in the box.

One big concern: does she use hair straighteners and where does she put them?

Looks like a hoarders house lol

I don't think the room is that small !! I had a big bedroom as a child but a lot of my friends had bedrooms like that 🤷‍♀️... I can't work out what pick 3 is ?? Is it the wardrobe ? Or bathroom?

Hendricksy it's the hallway that runs the length of her bedroom, pretty much an extension of the room as no one else uses it.

It’s beyond grim. I have 2 teenage boys and whilst they aren’t tidy, there’s s few boxers & socks on the floor, and they don’t belive in taking sports kit to the washer, but it’s nothing like this. I don’t allow food and drink upstairs after DS14 spilled coke all over the carpet. Does it smell OP? It can’t be fresh in there.
I’d give her 48hrs notice to tidy & clean properly or you’ll be binning it all and charging her for a cleaners fee.
For what it’s worth I think MMHQ should pull this, her friends might recognise this.

She's 18! That's a disgrace.

I'd be in there with a bin bag & the whole lot would be in the bin - I couldn't sleep with that mess in my house.

Thankfully my teens weren't actually bad but they'd got used to my "if you can put it where it should be before I put it in this bin bag you can keep it" method of cleaning their rooms by the time they were expected to be entirely responsible for their own rooms.

TBF if she’s 18, hand on heart, she would have a choice, today her pit and keep it clean, or leave. Majorly disprespectful from a. 18 year old.

She needs to take some responsibility for this shithole of a room.

Seriously OP, it’s a shit tip. And you need to come down on her like a tonne of bricks. It’s totally unacceptable to live in that sort of squalor. When she moves out, fine, if that’s the way she wants to live. But you’re ok letting her treat your property like this? Unbelievable.

My room looked like this as a teenager - it doesn’t anymore so there is hope 👍 my dad in the end just used to shut the door and tell me if I wanted to live in a pig sty so be it !

Clean it up or find somewhere else to live, would be my approach. And yes, I am serious. That’s unbelievably fucking foul. If she wants to live in abject filth, she can go find her own digs and do just that. It shows such a monstrous lack of respect for you and your home, OP. I simply couldn’t have that in my home. I’d lie awake at night worrying about what sort of infestation that would attract.

Teenagers may have a rep for being a bit lazy and messy, but come on! That is NOT normal.

My friend had DC older than my DC and she warned me to insist that there was a "no food in bedrooms" rule. I managed to enforce that one.
There was a lot of floorobe going on in both DC rooms.

I tried hard to talk them into tidiness but no luck.
Many times I did the room renovations in an effort to get tidiness. I failed.
I did the new furniture and carpets thing but that did not last long before it was floorobe again.
There have be glue in the carpet and scorches from hairdryers.

Some DCs have now got their own homes which are as bad or even worse than their bedrooms. Messy bedrooms were bad but a whole house!! EACH!
One DD did the same as OP's daughter with the used Sanpro. Horrible way to carry on. I always wondered if we would be infested with something.
Strangely the DS is far tidier than the DDs, always was and still is

Skanky.

Just shown this to my 13 DS and he said 'oh my god, that's disgusting '.

I had a teenager staying with me a number of years ago, who thought having a room like that was ok.

I put everything that was on the floor, the bed and dressing table into bin liners and put them in the back garden and then turned the wifi off. Only had to do this twice until she got the message.

Over my dead body would that shit-tip be accepted in my house,

My room was like this, without the rubbish/sanitary towels.

I am still quite messy though.

Certainly wouldn’t say it was abnormal. Most teenagers rooms look like that at some point. Dd can collect quite a few water bottles on her windowsill and half her clothes hit the floor if she can’t decide what to wear when going out at the weekend.

@thingersandfumbs

I don't mean to be rude but I find it VERY hard to believe that your 18 y.o. daughter gave permission for you to post this on the internet. (Photos and all!!!)

My daughter would have gone NUCLEAR, (and disowned me!) if I had taken pics of her room, and put them on bloody MUMSNET! And frankly, I would not blame her.

I literally don't know a single child OR adult (or anyone in between) who would be OK with having pics of their bedroom, and personal shit, posting on a major message forum.

I also find it hard to believe that mumsnet have refused to remove the thread. If there is a risk of someone's identity being revealed, they almost always delete the thread.