Is there a thread on here for support for wives and girlfriends of people suffering from depression/anxiety?

[Biancadelriosback]

I know this is self centred of me but it's really difficult! DH has some days where he cant handle being around us. He isn't a dick, he is really depressed. When DS is having a tantrum or just being a difficult 2yo, sometimes DH just can't do it. He's burst into tears over nothing. Some days I spend my whole day being a mum, and looking after him. I can't rest. When there is housework to be done, he can so easily lose his shit over nothing and he gets so worked up that I have to send him away and do it myself.
He hates himself for this. I know he has had suicidal thoughts. He's been to the drs for help and he keeps getting fobbed off and given a number to call for CBT, he did and is now waiting on them to schedule his first session...he's been waiting for over 2 months. It eats away at him that he can't enjoy things anymore. He gets so worked up and stressed when we try to do something that he just breaks down.

I'm at breaking point. I'm exhausted. I've got a false smile plastered on my face at all times because if I'm having a bad day, it sets DH off. I am trying to keep things normal for DS but it's crushing. Last night I told DH I was going for a bath, but really I sat on the floor of the bathroom and drank a bottle of wine.

But DH needs support and help. I love him so powerfully and I know he loves me the same. He hates what he is doing to us which sends him on a downward spiral if he knows I'm upset. He never blames me and tries to hold as much in as he can but then it explodes out.

I just want to make happy memories (I know we all hate this phrase on here), when I look back at photos I don't want to be reminded of the struggle we had just to leave the house. DH won't speak to family or friends about it, he doesn't want to look weak, he doesn't want to show how much he is struggling. He says he feels emasculated.

I'm so scared I'm going to lose him, but I'm also worried I'm going to fail and ruin DSs childhood. I feel so helpless

I hear you all. It is so draining and it makes us very prone to D also. That is why it is so important to look after your own well being, find an outlet, make a bit of space in the day to do something just for yourself, even if it only having a nice drink/cake/biscuit and watching some TV your partner wouldn't approve of.

Jamie being financially trapped is dreadful I know how it feels.

Do you think we should get the thread moved to Relationships for more traffic? Would it be a more natural home for it?

Can mums join too? I m supporting my adult son who has PTSD and depression and i m cracking up inside with the pressure to appear normal and reliable and grown up.
He is 31 and signed off work just now. He lives with me since his gf kicked him put.
I love him so much but i blame myself as i suffer from depression and anxiety too.

I haven’t rtft but wants to say that after 16 years together, 13 years married, my dh and I separated. I couldn’t take it anymore. I felt like I was constantly making allowances for his depression and anxiety. I tried everything from tough love to total support and offered to pay for counselling. The final straw for me was realising that he wouldn’t do anything to help himself, even when he knew it would be the end of us and him living with his kids. It was really tough, I went to counselling myself because I couldn’t cope

1cantpickaname did counselling help? I m on ads myself but it was suggested and i declined as i felt disloyal to ds saying i m suffering while supporting him as he is the important one here.

@recklessruby yes counselling was the best thing I ever did. It was a mix of hypnotherapy and cbt and addressed all sorts of things from my whole life that I didn’t realise I was holding onto. I initially went because the situation with my dh was so stressful. As previous posters have said, he was sucking all of the joy from the lives of me and our two children. I was constantly having to be mindful of what I said or even how my face looked! Incase it set him off. He was only violent twice in 16 years, in the first 5 years, but it was always in the back of my mind that it was a possibility. Mostly he would go into himself and could spend days just staring at the tv. I started having massive panic attacks which scared me so much as I always thought I was a relaxed easy going person so I went to counselling, she taught me how to recognise my feelings and not feel guilty about wanting to put myself and my children first. At one point she even said to me “he hasn’t changed in 16 years and you are here, paying me so you can change for him”! That was the turning point for me. I realise I had changed almost beyond recognition, from the life loving person I was into an eggshell treading shadow. I was doing everything to keep my family together, I had given up a successful well paying career because my husband couldn’t cope with doing his fair share and I was exhausted with doing a full time job and everything else. Also, I thought about the lessons I was teaching my girls about relationships!
I supported him to move out. Gave him the deposit for a place and got on with my life. He has a better relationship with his kids as he now has to spend meaningful time with them and I don’t feel any guilt, thanks to my therapist. I know I did everything I possibly could for my dh but one person can’t shoulder everything in a family or a relationship. You only live once and you will regret it in the end if you don’t live for yourself and do the best for any children you have.

The therapy was expensive but worth every penny.

Don’t feel guilty and why is your dh more important than you? Is he doing everything he possibly could to get better or help himself?

Partner has decided to stop taking his anti-depressants. He said he hasn't taken them for a few days. I said I was annoyed because he hadn't consulted me and I felt that we needed to discuss it. Anyway, something minor has happened tonight. He's kicked off saying nothing every goes right for him. Every tiny sound is annoying him. He's gone upstairs away from the noise. I said these things happen and he said they shouldn't. Just a computer glitch with an order. I said they do it's just your resilience and how you react to it. He doesn't agree with me. Can already sense this was not a good idea to come off them

I knew from early on that I should have left my partner (he was really depressed early on into the relationship and not very pleasant to me at times) , but Ive stuck around because I had such a strong "I'm going to marry this man" feeling when we first met and I truly believed it was fate. 5 years later and one baby and our relationship is still turbulent. We have more good days than bad days usually, but his overall negative outlook on life and lack of motivation to do something about his depression is overwhelming me. I feel like I'm drowning. I feel lonely.

One of the worst things he can say to me when he's down is "you deserve better". It really upsets me because I think "well be the person you think I deserve because I want and love you!!!".

I love him so much and I bloody love our child more than words can explain, but I don't want this life for myself or for our child. My worry is that if he's still this depressed and negative about life while he's blessed to have us and the life we have, what will he be like if we were to leave? Will he do something stupid? I couldn't live with that guilt.

Don't get me wrong, that's not why I'm staying with him. I'm staying with him because I love him and want to support him, but I am starting to picture a life where we aren't together because I can't see his depression getting better (because hes not doing anything about it).

He had a rough childhood and I try and remind myself of that when he's down or being arsey with me. I feel selfish that I'm making his mental health about me. I really dislike myself for it. I just feel like there's got to be more to life than this. I just wish he would seek help.

I don't know if any of what I've just said makes sense to anyone. I know some may read this and think I'm an selfish person. It feels a little therapeutic to write down how I'm feeling. I don't have anyone to talk to really. I don't like talking to my family about this because I don't want them to think bad of him. Life's bloody hard at times isn't it.

Hi there, you’ve posted on an old thread but I didn’t want to read and run.

I just want to say you’re not a selfish person and you have every right to be happy. I’ve been where you are and although my DH is much better and we’re still together, I’m making a point to focus on myself now.

You can try to help him but it’s up to him in the end. If he is struggling he needs to try therapy and maybe medication.

Wishing you all the best