To prefer a group meal where you can choose and eat your own food

[Bigoystershell]

I eat fish but now meat, also avoid white carbs so don't eat potatoes/bread etc.

Recently went out for Tapas meal with DH and his wider family. We'd each ordered a number of dishes and as normal with tapas they arrived at various intervals. So as normal for group tapas meal, everyone was tucking into all dishes. I was sat at one end of the table, and so unfortunately after me taking a few bites my dishes went up along the table never to be seen again. I tried to hang on to a couple but it didn't work and didn't want to cause a fuss (it was Boxing Day so special occasion).

So I ended up eating very little, as I didn't want any of the meat/potato/bread dishes. DH's aunt opposite me was in a similar position as she is quite particular and fix the really get to eat much of what she'd ordered. They had a LOT of food at the other end of the table.

We're all going out again in a few weeks and they've decided on a tapas place. I'd really rather go somewhere that we can just order our own food and eat that. The alternatives would either to accept I don't get much to eat, or to say in advance I don't want to share my dishes. This seems petty though. Not sure what to do - suck it up again?

I love tapas and we go often with friends. We have a lovely independent Spanish restaurant in the nearest town, tiny little establishment but awesome food.

Normally you take the amount of that dish you want and pass the rest down, when in our group you do.

I do think though tapas works best without people that don’t want to eat meat/potato/bread dishes or fussy eaters as then people do miss out as it’s a sharing set up and all mixed together it’s not the kind of thing where you order and eat your own.

If however you couldn’t eat meat as you are veggie? Why not just say as you know I am veggie so I am ordering x dish just for me as I don’t eat meat

You have legs presumably and a voice? Go and lift the other food , or ask for it to be passed back. hmm

It is bloody wearying and not exactly pleasant to have to be constantly reminding people not to be greedy bastards.

YANBU. Tapas is so awkward for this reason and often shit. I’ve had some quite nice ones in Spain but even then it takes ages to figure out what we want and works out quite expensive even when it was just the two of us. If I go out for tapas I usually have some toast at home beforehand so I don’t turn up hungry and have to restrain myself from taking more than half a meatball. I would rather have one dish of my own or share with one person with similar taste and appetite to me.

I think people find it hard to speak up sometimes because others will try to make them look mean. Ime it's always the greedy people that want sharing dishes and always the tight greedy people that want everyone to pay the same amount when the bill comes. Many of them have perfected making other people look mean into an art form, it enables them to eat more and pay less.

Multicolour yes I am irritated that I just got told after they'd all had a group WhatsApp chat about it! DH's Dad is coming over later, when the subject comes up I'll say I'd rather go elsewhere

I'm with you OP. Lots of allergies...I order a few things I can eat and then suddenly everyone else tucks in...ignoring that they can eat everything on the table! Same with Chinese.

After being quietly furious I learnt to say, 'bugger off! that's all I can eat, while you can eat everything ordered - order another portion if you want some'.

Tends to work I find...

You have to be clear that you will eat what you order and don't share. No one will mind as long as you are upfront.

I had a situation where we went for a Turkish meal and were sharing loads of dishes. I didn't know some of the people the table as some attendees were friends of friends. I had a tiny bit of one dish that I really liked but it got moved up the table. I asked for it to be moved back to my end of the table a bit later so I could try some more and the woman who had it gave me an expression like a slapped arse. I thought it was odd but we were all splitting the bill and I wanted to try that dish again so felt no issue with asking for it. Only later did someone tell me that she had food allergies and it was one of the dishes she could eat from the selection ordered. I was angry at her for simply not saying that to begin with. No skin off my nose to order another one from the waiter!

Missing that's a good point!

Wheres - yes I could do with being a bit more forceful like that

I thinking might help you op, if you think carefully about why you are going to this restaurant - are you going primarily for the meal, or are you going primarily for the family get together?

If it's the former, then be unavailable on that date and go elsewhere/get a takeaway for dinner.

If it's the latter, then accept you might not get as good a meal if you went there alone, but it's not about the food, it's about the company.

If there are tapas that more than 2 or 3 people want to have some of, you need to order more than one of that dish.

It doesn't work if there are 6 people and you order 15 different dishes because obviously if everyone wants a meat ball or whatever, a tapas portion might be 3 meatballs, so obviously not everyone will get one, so you will need to order at least 2 or 3 meatball dishes.

5 tapas per person is absolutely loads, so some people must have eaten a huge amount, restaurants normally recommend 3 or 4 tapas per person, plus there's usually bread to dip in all the sauces.

Barbara annoyingly, after if seen FIL gobble up my squid, he announced he was too full to eat the meat dish he'd ordered. But yes others must have been absolutely stuffed if they ate 7/8 dishes worth

I've noticed they very often serve the meat dishes last, which is another reason every one else tucks into the veg and fish dishes

OP, keep your fork at the ready. When a hand reaches out for your tapas, stab that hand with your fork and cry "Mine!" Preferably with a manic gleam in your eye. Or, just tell people first that you will NOT be sharing because you got sod all last time

I have coeliac disease and would only go for tapas with people who either are happy to eat gluten free too and share or happy to let me eat what I've ordered!

I would either suggest somewhere else or not bother going as they clearly can't be considerate. I'd never go for a meal and stuff my face with the only few things one of the other diners could eat leaving them with next to nothing. It's rude.