To prefer a group meal where you can choose and eat your own food

[Bigoystershell]

I eat fish but now meat, also avoid white carbs so don't eat potatoes/bread etc.

Recently went out for Tapas meal with DH and his wider family. We'd each ordered a number of dishes and as normal with tapas they arrived at various intervals. So as normal for group tapas meal, everyone was tucking into all dishes. I was sat at one end of the table, and so unfortunately after me taking a few bites my dishes went up along the table never to be seen again. I tried to hang on to a couple but it didn't work and didn't want to cause a fuss (it was Boxing Day so special occasion).

So I ended up eating very little, as I didn't want any of the meat/potato/bread dishes. DH's aunt opposite me was in a similar position as she is quite particular and fix the really get to eat much of what she'd ordered. They had a LOT of food at the other end of the table.

We're all going out again in a few weeks and they've decided on a tapas place. I'd really rather go somewhere that we can just order our own food and eat that. The alternatives would either to accept I don't get much to eat, or to say in advance I don't want to share my dishes. This seems petty though. Not sure what to do - suck it up again?

Gather your dishes into your table area, grab a fork in one hand and, with a wild-eyed glare, warn everyone that there will be CONSEQUENCES if they touch your food. Wave the fork menacingly.

Do not back down.
Do not take prisoners.

bluskies that’s the whole point of tapas though, you know that before you go. If you’re so fussy you should decline the invitation.

I'm vegetarian so tend to deal with it by ordering one for me and one for the table.

Tapas restaurants have dozens of dishes so sharing is a nice way to try lots of them. I could never restrict myself to only a couple of the dishes. How on earth do you choose?

But yes OP, if you want to stick to a small selection that fit in with your dietary requirements, say something during the meal! Don't just sit there internally furious that everyone has eaten 'your' food if everyone else is sharing all the food on the table.

Can you and the aunt cooperate and support each other, split a seperate bill? If not just get your own and don't worry.

Obviously if you're picky about what you eat, a tapas restaurant isn't ideal. Your options are

a) just deal with it and don't expect to eat much
b) suggest going somewhere else
c) tell them you want to order something specifically for yourself and not be involved in the traditional sharing. And explain why.

I guess which option you choose depends on how comfortable you are with the group, the dynamic between you and how assertive you are. I don't think there's anything wrong with doing any of the three.

Bezalelle
Tapas is a nightmare full stop. Little ramekins of pure grease. No thanks!

You're eating in the wrong places if you think that. I live in Spain and tapas is amazing. Fantastic way to eat. Although a friend did want to go to a big chain 'spanish' restaurant in the UK once. It was shit, not at all like proper tapas.

my dh only likes what he likkes so he orders what he wants and keeps it with him he says its his and thats that-it might come across food but he doesnt like what others are having so why should he share

Sharing only works in small groups (6 or less) and if everyone eats anything and aren't greedy. Otherwise, order and eat your own choice.

These greedy groups are also the 'drink the place dry' types who want to share the bill at the end, so you can pay for their 4 bottles of wine. I don't do that either.

God, I absolutely hate tapas. I’ve never yet been full after tapas, just end up with a few little nibbles here and there. Next thing you know, the bill comes and someone says “so that’s just the £30 each.”

Only decent Tapas I've ever had was in a market in Madrid. Fabulous! I was on my own.

Max do you really think I should not go to a family meal and that would be more polite than asking people not to eat my food?

Very easy: just say you're ordering a few dishes just for yourself due to dietary requirements. Just like vegans don't expect their dishes to be passed round at a dairy / meat dominated meal

MaxTeyon that's not how Tapas works in Madrid or Barcelona. JingleTheBiggles do you live in Spain? I remember tapas as bar food - you get a tiny single person portion with your wine or beer, you don't order a table full to share. Or am I remembering wrongly?

Jaxhog Madrid is known for being excellent at tapas.
If you ever go to Barcelona make sure you go to Cerveceria Catalana, food is amazing.

I disagree. A group of about a dozen of us went to a local place and we just got the set menu of mixed tapas, which is absolutely amazing and no need to worry about choosing, you just got a balanced selection of the most popular dishes.

There were even a couple of vegetarians in the group who were happy as about 9 of the 15 dishes were vegetarian and we made sure bowls of all the vegetararian food was in front of them so they could have easy access to it and the people who also ate meat or fish saw more of that food. We couldn't even finish it all so I doubt anyone went hungry.

Jaxhog yes they're also drink the place dry types!! DH's aunt was fuming over this as well and had to retrieve the bottle more than once

You have legs presumably and a voice? Go and lift the other food , or ask for it to be passed back.

I would just get DH to say that you're having your own dishes which won't be shared as you can't eat most of it (maybe order two of whatever you're having so everyone gets to try it). No reasonable person would object to that.

I would just get DH to say that you're having your own dishes which won't be shared

Because OP coudln't possibly speak up for herself, being a woman and all. Needs her big, strong, manly DH to do it for her.

Hope is here I said a couple of times - when I hit my 'goats chooser salad' back after just one bite there was no cheese left, just leaves, which I commented on. I literally leaned over and said I was having more squid, but beyond that would have caused an atmosphere and it was a celebration

Why does DH have to speak - is OP incapable of speaking?!?

Do people not just say 'pass the wine/prawns/paella back over here please'

I wouldn't like that either OP. I could do tapas with DH, but nobody else.

blueskiesandforests Yes, Barcelona.
There are loads of tapas restaurant. Usually you order 3 dishes per person and it all goes in the middle and share. You do get tapas in bars, although a lot more in Madrid. It's definitely not strictly a bar food though.