Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Phone bugged

404 replies

Beingspiedon · 13/01/2019 07:43

(Posting for traffic) I would really appreciate any help or advice anyone can give me as I don’t even know where to start right now.

Have a very bad relationship with PIL. Found out a few years ago they hired a private investigator on me. I found out because I overheard a conversation between PIL when they were drunk but they don’t know I’ve heard them.

Over the years since our relationship deteriorated, I’ve had a few cases where they’ve said things they shouldn’t know. I’ve always put it down to coincidence but recently my fil has word for word quoted two of my telephone conversations with my sister and he should have absolutely have no way of knowing any of it. He also got warning “looks” from mil when he said these things.

I can’t speak to anyone IRL about this in case I am being paranoid or I look crazy. If my phone is bugged then a lot of things that have happened over the last few years make sense. Is there anything I can do to find out if someone has access to
Personal information on my phone? Can anyone give me advice on this?

OP posts:
SeaSandLandSky · 13/01/2019 10:19

This happened to a close friend of mine. Only the bug wasn't in the house, but on the neighbours wall. He had installed hi-tec security equipment (he told her he was paranoid about burglars), and it seemed that he could pick up any conversation going on in the house.
He stopped talking to her one day and began to stalk her. Also, several incidents happened which coincided with phone conversations she'd had. Two of them were quite terrifying and she became scared to go home.

She ended up moving a long way from him.

brokenhead · 13/01/2019 10:21

Yes that sounds to me like you are not confused anxious and unsure about what is going on.
It sounds like your relatives are creepy bullies who are totally inappropriate.

I think first sensible step is husband.
Then possibly some police input. This is so so awful.
Sending you stregnth xxx

GertrudeWilloughby · 13/01/2019 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

brokenhead · 13/01/2019 10:24

@sackrifice

You evidentially know very little about mental health then.

Your mind MAKES you see and hear things that are absolutely there to you but they are not.

You are looking for a fight

PeanutButterCheesecake · 13/01/2019 10:29

Building on a PP's suggestion, could you talk to your sister about

itstheweekend · 13/01/2019 10:30

It is actually bloody easy to bug a phone, it's just not legal to do it without a warrant. Get your phone checked and get a sweep of the house, including external walls.

TheSerenDipitY · 13/01/2019 10:35

just suggest you and hubby take a walk... leave the phones and go outside and tell him you want to try something... you and him can talk about emigrating to Aussie, throw in details like going to see the embassy and seeing whats involved etc, what place you want to go to, what jobs you will need to be looking for b4 you go etc, do this over a few days/weeks so its really looking like a sure thing... but only inside the house

talk to your sister in a cafe, with phone switched off, and arrange the gig ass dragon tattoo story, this will be via your cell phone, then that afternoon call your sister from your cell phone, from a location outside the home and tell her about this full back tattoo your husband is about to get, describe it in detail and how the tattoo artist and drawn it so realistic and all the colours hes planning on using etc, give a date say 2 weeks time on when he is going to have the outline started and how just that will be at least 4 hours, possibly will need 2 sessions to finish just the outline etc

and see what one brings them running for a surprise visit... then you will know without having to go to any extremes , like having the house swept or your phone inspected.... you will know... dont need any illnesses, moving and a full back full colour tattoo will do it

AliasGrape · 13/01/2019 10:39

OP - I’m sure it is really distressing, I know I’d be freaking out. And from your more recent post I can see you did question how FIL had come by the knowledge.

I wasn’t trying to be arsey, just saying that that’s maybe where some of the more ‘short’ replies were coming from a place of frustration that you seemed passive, but of course it’s hard to tell from a few posts and of course it’s distressing.

A previous poster mentioned looking at your list of apps - that might be a start in case anything obvious stands out? Also look under settings-general-profiles and device management - or is there anything installed under ‘VPN’? I take part in a survey for ipsos mori where they basically spy on my phone, I’m ok with it as they pay me Grin But that involved me downloading an app and a vpn profile, plus giving the necessary permissions etc.

amymel2016 · 13/01/2019 10:40

I know a person who had a home bugged (very long story), check above door frames for microphones, behind TVs, any easily removable bookcases, under tables etc I know it sounds absolutely mad but it happens!

thebabysmellsofpooagain · 13/01/2019 10:41

Just thought I'd chuck this in for a little help....

www.gov.uk/guidance/living-in-australia

Might help with the specifics!

In your case, this is something I would seriously be considering. It's as far away from the demon in-laws as you can get.

Just wondering, does DH Dsis have these problems with these awful people? Or is your DH the 'favourite' child?

sackrifice · 13/01/2019 10:41

Your mind MAKES you see and hear things that are absolutely there to you but they are not.

You are looking for a fight

I know a fair bit about gaslighters which you seem to be doing.

Stop it.

99RedBalloonsFloating · 13/01/2019 10:42

It's not correct to say they would have had to have access to your phone to install.

thebabysmellsofpooagain · 13/01/2019 10:45

@sackrifice
@brokenhead

None of this is particularly helpful for the OP. If you want to bicker amongst yourselves, maybe do it elsewhere. OP has come for help and support which I thought was what MN is for!

Aprilshowerswontbelong · 13/01/2019 10:48

Have you had any cold callers /similar in the house you feel was bugged? Could the pi have called as an official /other and planted a bug?

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 13/01/2019 10:51

Apple will not check a phone for bugs. Unfortunately I know this for a fact, they won't get involved because of the liabilities if it goes wrong. They will, if your phone is new enough, offer you the money you'd get for recycling it (not a lot; to be honest) and offer to sell you a new one, and they will advise that a factory reset will wipe most spy apps.

What phone do you have? If it's an older iPhone; heating up and poor battery performance are more likely to be due to the phones age (and Apples tendency to hamper older models) then bugging, but that doesn't mean you're not being tapped.

You can get a whole variety of house bugging equipment pretty easily. Microphones that fit in plug sockets, for example. You might be best to get a security company who do sweeps to review your home, but I can't imagine that would be cheap.

Could you turn your mobile off for a few weeks (borrow a back up phone or use a cheap one for a bit) and see if that stops them knowing things? But I wouldn't be suspecting your phone if they have no access to it. Remotely installing spyware is hard.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 13/01/2019 10:56

Why didn't you confront them when you heard them talking about the PI? They knew you'd heard them Confused I don't understand why you didn't say anything there and then.

SlowNorris · 13/01/2019 11:12

How about walking into your house and screaming ‘HE’S DEAD! OMG HE’S DEAD!’

Or something along those lines and tell DH not to respond to any calls or texts from the PIL. They might send police to your house and then they’d have to explain why they did it.

SlowNorris · 13/01/2019 11:13

Of course you’d say you were watching an episode of Midsomer Murders

Belindabauer · 13/01/2019 11:17

Of course people but phones etc.
I went to uni with a girl who's house phone was bugged and this was decades ago, way before we all had mobile phones. Her dad was very high ranking and a rival had had his house phone bugged. Fortunately for him he found out about it. Way back then technology was not as good as it is now and I think he heard a click of two noise or something and that alerted him to what was happening.
Years ago my uncle had an affair. The ow's husband paid for a private investigator and that's how their affair was discovered. Neither of them had any idea whatsoever that they were being followed and photographed and again this is before anyone has mobile phones. My uncle was very tight on home security too!

potatoscone · 13/01/2019 11:19

How about walking into your house and screaming ‘HE’S DEAD! OMG HE’S DEAD!’

Or something along those lines and tell DH not to respond to any calls or texts from the PIL. They might send police to your house and then they’d have to explain why they did it.

You don't think having the police respond to a fake emergency is a really fucking stupid idea because they have actual real emergencies to be dealing with? Hmm

There is some level of crazy on this thread but this one takes the proverbial Biscuit

NoMoreNeighboursForUsEverAgain · 13/01/2019 11:28

OP I really feel for you on this. We had our bedroom bugged by psycho stalker neighbours after we asked them to keep an eye on our house whilst on holiday. Every time we spoke there was a strange low electrical sound, was very distracting, at the time we didn't know what it was, it only happened when we spoke and stopped when we paused. It only lasted a few days, not sure if it had a short battery life. Found it one day months later whilst cleaning the house, small round thing, had been taped under a low bookshelf by my bed but the police said there are many different types, wall sockets, phone ones etc we were really shocked how much is available. We had to buy new landline phones etc and moved (to another country!) but the paranoia lasted for years even after we moved. Test the water because they will give themselves away. So much fell into place once we knew & they gave themselves away to the police by 'knowing' too much about us. Still makes me feel sick thinking about it but at first we were so embarrassed then v v angry. (NC obvs)

icannotremember · 13/01/2019 11:29

I just had a Google for listening device blockers (which do seem to exist but are not cheap) and am astounded at just how much spying stuff is available to buy. If you wanted to listen in to people it looks like you wouldn't need much time or effort at all. Scary.

I hope you get answers and some peace of mind op.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 13/01/2019 11:44

Before the days of mobiles our home phone was tapped and mail was read.

Until you are sure your home is bug free and your mobiles are clean, you need to talk to people in person or call your DSister from a pay phone.

SlowNorris · 13/01/2019 11:50

Because then they’d actually deal with the crime of OP having her privacy invaded? Biscuit

LadyFlumpalot · 13/01/2019 11:52

Hi OP,

Assuming you have an iPhone that you believe may have been bugged, it is very unlikely that a physical device will have been used (where in earth would you hide it on a modern phone) so it will need to be an app of some description that has been downloaded.

Go to your settings and click on "battery" you should get a list of all the battery usage by each app. A hacking app should be racking up a lot of battery use. Look for innocuous apps like one of the Apple pre loaded ones no one ever uses.

Once you know which apps are racking up the most battery time, go and physically click into them on your phone and see what comes up when you do.

Alternatively do a factory reset and go and physically select which apps you wish to re download from the App Store.