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Original poster

Phone bugged

404 replies

Beingspiedon · 13/01/2019 07:43

(Posting for traffic) I would really appreciate any help or advice anyone can give me as I don’t even know where to start right now.

Have a very bad relationship with PIL. Found out a few years ago they hired a private investigator on me. I found out because I overheard a conversation between PIL when they were drunk but they don’t know I’ve heard them.

Over the years since our relationship deteriorated, I’ve had a few cases where they’ve said things they shouldn’t know. I’ve always put it down to coincidence but recently my fil has word for word quoted two of my telephone conversations with my sister and he should have absolutely have no way of knowing any of it. He also got warning “looks” from mil when he said these things.

I can’t speak to anyone IRL about this in case I am being paranoid or I look crazy. If my phone is bugged then a lot of things that have happened over the last few years make sense. Is there anything I can do to find out if someone has access to
Personal information on my phone? Can anyone give me advice on this?

OP posts:
sackrifice · 13/01/2019 09:45

I really really promise I'm not having a go at you or discrediting what you are saying/ I just want to know do you have any history of anxiety (I'm sure you do because I would with a family like that) or mental health problems, do you think you are perceiving things as they are? It's just that the whole spying and bugging thing sounds like a huge anxiety and paranoia

She heard her inlaws talking about the private detective that they had on her, and they have mentioned things they should know nothing about. What about that wouldn't make anyone anxious?

brokenhead · 13/01/2019 09:47

I have said I would be anxious too
I am asking if this has now had such an effect (understandably) on her mental health she is paranoid and thinking things which aren't happening.

They are disgraceful btw I am not having a go at her so please don't go down this route...
I am asking how her mental health is

ShadyLady53 · 13/01/2019 09:47

@thebabysmellsofpooagain I just think of what kind of person would install this and I’m guessing it could lead to victims of DV being killed if their partner hears them making plans to leave or calling someone for support Sad.

BlueJava · 13/01/2019 09:48

I think you need to get house and phones professionally checked. Perfectly possible to bug your phone, read your SMS, use it as a mic and leave no trace - ready about FlexiSpy for example, and there are other. Good luck.

KnobJockey · 13/01/2019 09:50

I might have missed this, but what is it they want to know about you all so badly? Do they think that you are bad for your husband, cheating? Your husband and SIL are after killing them off for inheritance money? There's got to be some reason they would spend a shitload of money on a PI, rather than you are shopping at Tesco, not Asda like you once said.

sackrifice · 13/01/2019 09:51

I am asking if this has now had such an effect (understandably) on her mental health she is paranoid and thinking things which aren't happening

She said they ARE happening.

She heard them with her very own ears.

Stop it.

thebabysmellsofpooagain · 13/01/2019 09:52

@ShadyLady53 it's absolutely terrifying! These things should absolutely be illegal!

My nerves would be shot to bits if I'd had to live with years of this. My PIL can be a tad over bearing on occasions, but this is on a whole new level!

AliasGrape · 13/01/2019 09:54

Hmmm, when your conversation with your sister was quoted word for word, was it what you said or what she said that was quoted? Because if they could ‘hear’ what she said then that implies it’s something with the phone, whereas if they only got your end of the conversation that points to a listening device in the home.

If people are giving replies you don’t like OP, it may be because 1) it’s quite a strange/extreme thing to do and 2) you seem quite passive about it. Like you heard them talking about having a private detective follow you but chose not to confront them and still to go to family events/have them in your home. I get that they’re manipulative and good at weasling out of things but it’s just really odd to me that you could actually hear the words come out of his mouth and not say something, or hear them quote a private conversation word for word and say ‘how on Earth do you know about that private conversation’ - they may well be good at coming up with explanations but really they don’t have to do they, because you’re not even asking the question.

And why the fuck is your DH not demanding what the hell they think they’re playing at hiring detectives to follow his wife.

If these things are happening then I think you need to find your anger and sense of self-protection, not least because it will be your children they start on next if you don’t put a stop to it.

Have you googled ‘how to tell if there’s a listening device on my phone’. Take it into a phone repair shop? Searched your living room for anything odd/out of place, particularly anything plugged in or usb type? Found a list of private detectives in your area who might be able to check your home?

And speak to your husband for goodness sake, if he knows about the detective surely it’s not such a leap for him to think this might happen also. He might have more ideas on what to do/ look for.

abetterplace · 13/01/2019 09:55

The quickest way would be is to talk about maybe emigrating in the house, and terminal disease on the phone outside the house

Then you will know where they are listening...

ThanksForAllTheFish · 13/01/2019 09:56

Have they given you/DH any house type gifts that you keep in the living room? Clocks, photo frame, wall canvas, furniture? Etc. I would be checking there first.

Santaclarita · 13/01/2019 09:56

It's not difficult to bug a phone despite what some say. Couple of mins with it and you've got a downloaded app recording everything. You leave it lying around, they grab it and download an app onto it. Easy. A child could do it.

Theres lots of spyware out there too. You can get cameras in pens for God sake. Easy for them to install something in your home. They might bug toys they give to your children, bug stuff when you're asleep etc.

Factory reset on your phone should work but to be honest I'd get rid of it. Technology is more advanced than people like to think and I'd worry it could have survived a reset.

Allergictoironing · 13/01/2019 09:56

I was watching Caught on Camera a while back, and people were using them to catch out carers & cleaners etc. who were stealing from elderly people.

Returnofthesmileybar · 13/01/2019 09:57

There was a thread here once where the op suspected her husband had the house bugged, she was right, he had bugs in all of the plugs, it was a terrible situation for her and it was crazy how easy it was to do. I'd have no idea where to even find that thread though but it there might be useful info in it for you. I'll try look

GreenTulips · 13/01/2019 09:57

Have you changed all your passwords?

Some are easy to guess - so start there

My kids for example signed are signed in to apps on my phone so I can see what’s there - they are young teens and don’t realise. One is DS homework app (he knows I have it)

Then do a complete sweep of your house for obvious bugs

Can you remember the time scale of each visit? Once a month etc so it maybe battery operated? I mean who drives 7 hours in the off chance you’re home?

Habadabadoo · 13/01/2019 10:01

I can't believe the people suggesting a sting about OP having an affair! Please don't do that! Maybe the emigrating or illness, yes, but not an affair!
If you don't feel you are at risk of DV from them then you could do the sting.
Then do a thorough clean of your house. Do you have loads of clutter? If it's too much then pay someone to do it. You could also ask the same company about your phone. In the meantime get a cheap phone with new number and only use it outside the house for confidential calls.

justilou1 · 13/01/2019 10:01

It may not be your phone. Have they sent any toys to your kids? It could be a nanny cam kind of thing. I wouldn't assume it was your phone. It could be a present that they have "placed" in the house somehow. Bastards. Also, don't be surprised if they try and paint you as paranoid.

Flibbitygibbit · 13/01/2019 10:01

I was thinking bugging of toys as well, like those teddy bears people have to monitor carers etc

Original poster
Beingspiedon · 13/01/2019 10:07

I don’t have a history of anxiety - my my is in pretty good shape. Dhs family all
Suffer with depression though if that is in any way helpful?

So without going into too much detail on the week fil came over sil called me to tell
me she had a new job. She told me where the new job was. FIL came over and said how’s your sister doing? She’s just got a new job hasn’t she? I was just down that way this morning. I asked how he knew as it wasn’t public knowledge yet (hadn’t even told dh). He said sil told him. This is an outright lie. Sil and dsis used to be friends but haven’t spoken in 6 months (nothing happened just drifted as I had drifted from her). I said I’m sure she wouldn’t have known that. He said she did. I asked dsis who confirmed sil didn’t know. I then text sil a random how are you message and mentioned dsis had a new job. Sil replied oh that’s great I’ll need to message to say congrats haven’t spoken in ages.

On a different conversation with dsis she told me a relative of ours has just had a second heart attack. PIL know about first heart attack. FIL asked how relative was I said not great she’s back in hospital and he replied I know she had another heart attack didn’t she. I asked him how he knew he said I’d told him. I said but it’s only just happened. He said yes but you just told me then. We went round in circles for a bit but I definitely did not tell him she’d had a second heart attack.

Things like this have been happening from time to time but with it being so close together it took me aback.

OP posts:
PregnantSea · 13/01/2019 10:07

It's very difficult to bug someone's mobile phone (but not impossible). Is there some other way they could be eaves dropping - someone else mentioned Alexa, that thing listens to everything in your house and is really easy to hack - do you have anything like that?

I would take your phone into a shop. Don't just go to a normal phone shop because they won't have enough knowledge of this. Take it to a proper tech geek. Research methods of phone bugging.

If you find any evidence of bugging don't confront the PIL, just contact the police immediately. This sends a clear message.

Belindabauer · 13/01/2019 10:09

Some very good advice. Id go with setting up a sting but because your pil are such shits id go one further. Pre plan with your sister, then burst into tears as you tell her the news is even worse, your dh has only two weeks to live. Then don't make any contact with pil. Obviously if they manage to contact you, look at them in sheer bewilderment when they bring this up with you. Then reply "what on earth m are you even begin to think such a thing?"

PattiStanger · 13/01/2019 10:10

IMO a phone bug is more likely than a house bug.

What you need to do is have a fake conversation that they wont be able to resist and is totally believable - ring your sis and say your DH has a health concern (blood in his wee or something )and has a Dr's appointment on Tuesday, they won't be able to resist calling him to see if he's OK

wobblywindows · 13/01/2019 10:11

I'd be checking the wifi network, also what devices had access to my wifi router. I've got my router to only allow known devices by their IP address. Agree most likely the listening device(s) is in the house. Point made in earlier post about the device needing power -as its an ongoing thing - and I'm also wondering how the signal gets out being as how they're 7 hours drive away.

btw there is a piece on Coercive Control just to the right of this page.
And judging by the poster on page 5, your pils have found this thread. *waves

Witchend · 13/01/2019 10:13

Don't tell your dsis you're having an affair unless you tell DH first you are going to pretend that.
If they're recording it then they could play it back to your DH and believe it.

Original poster
Beingspiedon · 13/01/2019 10:17

Alias grape - hi. I’m absolutely not passive about this. If you had a face to face conversation with me used actually see that I’m incredibly upset and distressed. My dh is stunned by the whole thing and would rather cut them off than deal
With it. He doesn’t speak to them.

I have googled how to know if your phone has been bugged. Same things come up every time. Phone which heats up very quickly check. Phone which cuts out mid convo check. Battery draining at alarming rate check. But then you read the comments on the articles and some people say there phone does all these things anyway. I came here in case there was anyone who had personal experience or a bit of savy.

As for searching my home I wouldn’t know where to begin would need to get someone in.

Its all very well saying confront them but if you were actually on my shoes and my exact situation with my exact personality it is not easy. I have struggled with this for a while now. Also the few people that have questioned me rather than try to be helpful
Never seem to get back to me when I answer them...

OP posts:
Original poster
Beingspiedon · 13/01/2019 10:19

We don’t have Alexa or
Similar. I think I’m going to speak to dh now he might be able to help find a place we can get it checked. Thanks to those who have tried to help I will keep this updated when I know more.

OP posts: