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AIBU?

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Original poster

Phone bugged

404 replies

Beingspiedon · 13/01/2019 07:43

(Posting for traffic) I would really appreciate any help or advice anyone can give me as I don’t even know where to start right now.

Have a very bad relationship with PIL. Found out a few years ago they hired a private investigator on me. I found out because I overheard a conversation between PIL when they were drunk but they don’t know I’ve heard them.

Over the years since our relationship deteriorated, I’ve had a few cases where they’ve said things they shouldn’t know. I’ve always put it down to coincidence but recently my fil has word for word quoted two of my telephone conversations with my sister and he should have absolutely have no way of knowing any of it. He also got warning “looks” from mil when he said these things.

I can’t speak to anyone IRL about this in case I am being paranoid or I look crazy. If my phone is bugged then a lot of things that have happened over the last few years make sense. Is there anything I can do to find out if someone has access to
Personal information on my phone? Can anyone give me advice on this?

OP posts:
Yulebealrite · 13/01/2019 08:43

I like the idea of saying to your sister that dh has just had test results that show he has 6 months to live and that you are worried because he's burying his head in the sand and continuing as normal.

They will have to reveal their hand.

Original poster
Beingspiedon · 13/01/2019 08:44

I have asked what their problem is they won’t answer. They say nothing at all. I haven’t confronted about the investigator as they would just deny and they are very convincing liars. However i did bring it up once so they knew that I knew. I said if i ever do anything that upsets you I’d much rather you felt you could come to me rather than feel you have to do something crazy like hire a detective. FIL went bright red stuttered and looked a bit caught out then quickly started speaking about something else.

I don’t know why they did it perhaps they thought I was having an affair? Who knows maybe it frustrates them that we don’t live with them and it used to be easier for them to snoop. MIL used to open my post too.

OP posts:
diddl · 13/01/2019 08:45

Your husband knows about the private detective but still sees them?

Surely he would believe you if you told them about being bugged?

Original poster
Beingspiedon · 13/01/2019 08:47

Thewifipasswordis - sorry have I pissed you off? I’m not deliberately ignoring everyone’s replies im trying to answer some I’m not sure which ones I’ve ignored if you let me know what you want answers to I’m happy to answer.

I’m not pushing the idea of phone I just haven’t the first idea about any of this or how likely/unlikely phone or home bugging is

OP posts:
sackrifice · 13/01/2019 08:48

Did they have access to your new house?

You need to hire someone to come and do a sweep.

LarkDescending · 13/01/2019 08:50

Make up 2 very specific items of fake news, e.g.

  1. We are planning to move to Toronto.
  2. DH has just got a dragon tattoo.

Arrange with your sister to tell her one of these from the mobile inside the house, and the other from a location outside the house. See which if either they pick up on.

Original poster
Beingspiedon · 13/01/2019 08:50

Diddl - yes he knows about the detective. He’s actually quite prepared to cut ties and doesn’t even respond to messages/ calls from them anymore. However they have just turned up a few times and after a 7 hour drive and because of the fact that they are good grandparents I always feel like I have to be hospitable. I will not be doing this any longer.

I don’t know I think he’s believe me? I’m only really just piecing things together myself I just feel like I would sound crazy to say it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Beingspiedon · 13/01/2019 08:52

To everyone mentioning about the fake news I’m not sure this would work. I’d have to be really clever about it and come up with something fool proof. They are incredibly good at twisting things and putting their own spin on things.

OP posts:
CatnissEverdene · 13/01/2019 08:55

I think you need to know for sure, so tip off your sister and have a phone call or several where you talk about emigrating or a long trip round the world with the kids or something likely to wind them up. And wait to see if they challenge you about it.

Then I'd go straight to the Police and let them deal with it.

BeverlyGoldberg · 13/01/2019 08:55

How do you know they had a private detective on you?

Have you seen anything like this parked near your house ... ?

Phone bugged
Juells · 13/01/2019 08:58

HRTFT but gobsmacked at posters advising the op to claim to have stolen money or be having and affair. 😲

Back to read the rest of the thread now, just had to get that off my chest.

Gunpowder · 13/01/2019 09:02

I’d come up with a convincing sting too.

Original poster
Beingspiedon · 13/01/2019 09:04

The problem is I am the least observant person on the planer. When we had a good relationship it was a running joke with dh sil and PIL that I’m always in my own little world and just don’t notice things. So they would have almost certainly been confident i wouldn’t have noticed any unusual activity.

I know about the private detective because of a conversation I overheard once between MIL and FIL. They are big drinkers and we were over there’s for a night of food and wine. They thought we had left for our car (I was designated driver) but I popped back in grab my handbag and heard them specifically say they needed to get back in touch with the private investigator for beingspied on as he hadn’t been able to reply recently. They then heard me and both looked alarmed and mil looked very pissed off with fil.

Sil knows because once I was telling a story about being followed to work (nothing to do with private investigator - it was a joke but she caught the end of it and thought I was talking for real). She practically jumped out of her skin left the conversation she was in and said what do you mean followed tell me all about it absolutely everything I need to hear this. After I explained I was joking she spent the rest Of the night seeking reassurance I didn’t really think someone was following me.

OP posts:
diddl · 13/01/2019 09:07

Glad to hear that you won't be letting them in anymore & that your husband is prepared to cutt ties.

They aren't good GPs btw.

BookwormMe2 · 13/01/2019 09:07

This is what I'd do to catch them out once and for all: have a phone conversation with your sister in which you mention that an ex has been back in touch, specifically describe him as 'the one who got away' (important to use a phrase that will be remembered and is quotable) and say you're going to secretly meet him for a drink and you can't wait. Then sit back and wait until they tell your DH. But, to make sure DH knows it's not true, tell your sister in person first that you're going to stage the call so she can vouch for it being faked.

ShizeItsWeegie · 13/01/2019 09:07

This situation is too serious to not find out exactly what they have done. I agree with PPs you have to set up a sting. Have a conversation IN the house about the papers arriving from the Australian embassy and one OUTSIDE about DH's dragon tattoo on his back that will take another five sessions to get it finished and the cost is £1200. That would be a starting point. Don't go NC until you have the result of this test at least or you will never know and they could listen in to you for years.
If they fall into your trap I would go straight to the Police or get the place swept and then go to the Police.

Original poster
Beingspiedon · 13/01/2019 09:09

Diddl I know this deep down. They are very manipulative and really do make it seem like they are being lovely people. They play with the kids are always desperate to see them always send thoughtful gifts etc...but I know it’s all a front and they’re actually more harmful than good.

OP posts:
ShadyLady53 · 13/01/2019 09:12

They sound like complete psychos to be honest!

My bet would be that they’ve hidden a camera or bug in a present they’ve given the kids...teddy bear or the like? Can you think of anything they’ve given you or the kids as a gift. Did the phone conversations take place in the same room?

Yulebealrite · 13/01/2019 09:14

If you don't get proof once and for all before you go NC, they could be listening in forever and you won't know.

BookwormMe2 · 13/01/2019 09:15

Good point ShadyLady53! It'll be like a nannycam set-up.

Do they not realise what they're doing is illegal and you can report them to the police?

ShadyLady53 · 13/01/2019 09:17

I really want you to find the bug and get them prosecuted. They sound evil.

WhoGivesADamnForAFlakeyBandit · 13/01/2019 09:19

Have they been to your new house?

Because it'd be far easier to put something in there than onto your phone.

brizzledrizzle · 13/01/2019 09:21

It's shocking that anybody would go to such lengths. I hope you get some answers OP.

thebabysmellsofpooagain · 13/01/2019 09:22

These people are absolutely batshit crazy! Not only is what they are doing completely illegal, it's wrong on every other level.

I'd stage a phone call, make sure DH and Dsis are in on it, then when they reveal their hand - call the fucking police and get them dealt with properly, then cut all ties with them!

They are not good GP at all, and this is toxic behaviour. I would not be allowing these people anywhere near my DC!

Good luck OP! ThanksThanks

WhatNow40 · 13/01/2019 09:22

Have a set up convo with your sister OUTSIDE of your home, in a coffee shop or somewhere you know for sure isn't bugged. Then wait. That will determine if it's your phone or the house. And then you will be able to work out what to do next.