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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is this message odd?

135 replies

Justanothernamechange654 · 13/01/2019 00:16

Name changed as very outing...

Not sure if I'm being sensitive... Long time lurker but a bit miffed by this and would love some other opinions.

Was round at a friend's earlier for a party (left quite late into the evening), had my very active 21 month old with me. In order to avoid any accidents I moved a few small boxes filled with odd bits out of reach. I forgot to put them back. I've now received this message: "thanks for coming. Did you move a few things to get out of reach of (DC)? It was by the window sill and bloody cat knocked them over... hopefully you'll remember to put them back next time please... I forgot also. Cat toys everywhere too."

Oh, 21 month old was also playing with a few of her cats toys... I feel it's unnecessarily aggressive, or is my perception off on this?

Thanks for your thoughts.

OP posts:
Auntiepatricia · 13/01/2019 08:27

Jeez, you have a rubbish friend.

AndItStillSaidFourOfTwo · 13/01/2019 08:28

Very rude message. Annoyances like that are par for the course when you're hosting a party. I'd just reply 'Yes, I moved them. Apologies. Won't happen again' and leave her to interpret that bit/the curtness for herself. I also wouldn't be the first one to get in contact again, tbh.

CatnissEverdene · 13/01/2019 08:28

I think it's a clear message not to bring your DC next time.

And it's not a nice way of doing it.

Sparkletastic · 13/01/2019 08:37

You say she 'expected' you to bring your DD but did she actively want you to bring her? Or did you respond to the party invite saying you could only come if you brought your DD?

BooksAreMyOnlyFriends · 13/01/2019 09:00

That's really rude. It would put me off going again, tbh.

Are you going to reply, op? I'd totally ignore it and let her stew on her rudeness.

RhiWrites · 13/01/2019 09:06

And here’s me thanking my friend for having the presence of mind to move some attractive delicate objects out of reach of her two year old after I missed them in my pre party childproof.

Who knew I could have been sending her arsey texts instead?

Also no self respecting cat would care about its toys being strewn around. Thats how cats play with them. Cats have a lot in common with toddlers.

Marriedwithchildren5 · 13/01/2019 09:23

I cant believe there are people telling you, you should have tidied up. It was a party!! People cause mess at them. This was some moved boxes and cat toys. Was this her first party ever maybe?

Neverunderfed · 13/01/2019 09:29

She sounds like an insufferable arse. Does she always treat you like a child? I wonder if she has told anyone else off for party misdemeanours

azulmariposa · 13/01/2019 09:35

Why would you let your child play with cat toys?!?
They could catch all sort of nasties from them. Confused
And yes, you should've moved stuff back to where it was!

RoseGoldEagle · 13/01/2019 09:37

It’s a really arsy message. If it was me and I got a message like that (unless it was from a really good friend and was completely out of character), then I’d not be making much effort to maintain the friendship.

Original poster
Justanothernamechange654 · 13/01/2019 09:40

No she does have children... Young enough to make a mess.

I did bring a few toys along but of course dc chose to play with everything but them. Cat toys were perhaps 3/4 small colourful balls, not enough to warrant comment in my opinion... That was it, just the boxes I moved and the cat toys, as I did intercept quite a few times as dc explored.

OP posts:
Neverunderfed · 13/01/2019 09:44

Unless her cat is as well trained as the one in Meet the Parents or whatever it's called, she must be used to catch toys being out. A) your child found them and B) presumably her cat doesn't put them away after?

RangeRider · 13/01/2019 09:44

Why not just be the better person and reply with a decent serious apology? End of situation, friendship intact. The message could be taken as you've taken it OR as a slightly miffed but trying not to make a big deal out of it reminder for you to put stuff back where you found it (which you should have done). So take it as the latter, apologise for what you did wrong and move on.

Kittykat93 · 13/01/2019 09:45

No way would I be replying with an apology! Op has done nothing wrong!!

MatildaTheCat · 13/01/2019 09:47

If a really good friend sent that I’d be slightly worried about them after I’d got over my irritation. Did anything else happen that might have upset her? It just doesn’t sound as if that came from nowhere.

I might be tempted to reply saying I was sorry about the mess but the text wasn’t really like her and is she ok?

It’s possible you or someone else upset her and this allowed her to express it. Obviously it’s not a nice text to send or receive.

abcdema · 13/01/2019 09:50

She sounds like a PITA

tinydancer88 · 13/01/2019 09:53

She was a bit arsey about a situation which didn't seem really worth making a fuss, but the polite thing for you to do would be to put back the things you moved - I don't think either of you were perfect but that's life. Can't see any need to drag it out, it's really not a big deal.

KetchupOnRoastDinner · 13/01/2019 09:53

Yes, she’s overreacted to a minor inconvenience but if it’s out of character, I’d put it down to her being tired from the party (or maybe annoyed by something else that happened, and finding the spill tipper her over).

Is it worth falling out over / will this comment matter in ten years? If not, I’d just send a quick apology just to clear the air, rather than letting it fester and damage the relationship.

morningconstitutional2017 · 13/01/2019 09:55

You had to move the boxes because of your toddler - a thoughtful host would have done this before your arrival.

A frazzled mother is allowed to be forgetful but your host hasn't the grace to make allowances. She could have moved them back afterwards without being so damn rude about it.

If she's going to be so arsey I wouldn't bother visiting again.

Decline any further invitations and I wouldn't invite her to yours either - she sounds vengeful enough to do something really unpleasant just to get her own back. Nobody needs 'friends' like this.

lostfrequencies · 13/01/2019 10:01

Your friend sounds like a real dick.

Dollymixture22 · 13/01/2019 10:03

She doesn’t sound very nice. I would be really shocked to receive this message from anyone and probably wouldn’t go to this ladies house every again,

JudasPrudy · 13/01/2019 10:05

'Why would you let your child play with cat toys?!?
They could catch all sort of nasties from them.'

Like what exactly?

Pa10ma · 13/01/2019 10:07

This is very odd indeed. She is complaining that a few coloured balls belonging to a cat were “everywhere.” Confused Is the cat only allowed to play with them in a cat playpen or something?

If I saw someone’s toddlers wandering with my cats’ felt mice / bits of string or whatever, I’d remove them for hygiene reasons, but who cares where they end up?

As for this box on the window ledge, I don’t really know what to say.

Does this woman have parties often?

I just wouldn’t reply. Or say something like, “Plese could DS and I offer our most sincere apologies. I truly hope the balls have rolled to the correct location and all paperclips have been returned to their rightful box. Please do not hesitate to request help with this onerous task. We will be round at 10.30 to rectify the situation.” Then send a box of all manner of cat toys and a bumper box of paper clips, beads and other random nonsense on same day Amazon Prime - “Please accept these goods by way of partial reparation. I hope the cat is not too disturbed.. etc.”

Cheerbear23 · 13/01/2019 10:11

It sounds like she’s annoyed with something else to me and she’s blaming the moving of boxes etc. Was your DC disruptive or annoying at this party? A few cat toys being left out shouldn’t be cause for a message like this.

PregnantSea · 13/01/2019 10:12

She's annoyed because you've made a mess in her house and not cleaned it up, which is a bit rude.

However I wouldn't have actually bothered sending you a text about it, that seems very over the top. At least now you know that she's really touchy about this sort of stuff...