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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is this message odd?

135 replies

Justanothernamechange654 · 13/01/2019 00:16

Name changed as very outing...

Not sure if I'm being sensitive... Long time lurker but a bit miffed by this and would love some other opinions.

Was round at a friend's earlier for a party (left quite late into the evening), had my very active 21 month old with me. In order to avoid any accidents I moved a few small boxes filled with odd bits out of reach. I forgot to put them back. I've now received this message: "thanks for coming. Did you move a few things to get out of reach of (DC)? It was by the window sill and bloody cat knocked them over... hopefully you'll remember to put them back next time please... I forgot also. Cat toys everywhere too."

Oh, 21 month old was also playing with a few of her cats toys... I feel it's unnecessarily aggressive, or is my perception off on this?

Thanks for your thoughts.

OP posts:
Weezol · 13/01/2019 01:17

Ooh Minor that's an absolute zinger!

Greensleeves · 13/01/2019 01:18

Oh please send Minor's text.

ninalovesdragons · 13/01/2019 01:21

Agree you should send a sarcastic message back. What an unnecessary message, so uncalled for.

millyonth · 13/01/2019 01:31

Some people are fussy about their stuff. Her text is annoying and petty, but if she's a good friend in other ways I'd let her off.

IamFrauBlucher · 13/01/2019 01:38

I'd be so tempted to text back and deny all knowledge of moving anything and pointing all blame towards the cat.

I mean if she's going to be weird, why not join in. 🤣

EchoCardioGran · 13/01/2019 01:52

What a petty arsey " friend".

robrobinson · 13/01/2019 06:02

Agree with all the comment above - she's clearly a frenemy. Also... cats toys. Can't say I would be overjoyed at my child playing with toys for an animal?! Ewww hope they didn't go in your DCs mouth and hands were washed.

Nunya · 13/01/2019 06:27

I'd reply "yes I moved the box, absolutely full of choking hazards - I'm so glad I noticed them! Would hate to think what could have happened otherwise"

^THIS! Yes! Absolutely this! She doesn’t sound like a very nice friend at all, OP.

KC225 · 13/01/2019 06:28

Someone is lacking a wristdam. The filter that stops the diatribe from your head running down your arms into your fingertips.

She'll regret that tomorrow.

Gunpowder · 13/01/2019 06:37

If she’s normally a close friend and normal there must be something else to it. Infertility? Relationship issues? Jealousy? I wonder why she is lashing out.

I love Minor’s text but with a close friend I think I’d actually be honest and say something like:

‘Yes I moved the things so DC didn’t damage them and then forgot to put them back. And in the hurry of leaving with a toddler we didn’t clear up the toys, I’m sorry. It’s not like you to be upset and cross about little things like this, is everything ok? X’

systemwwr · 13/01/2019 06:45

The cat toys themselves are a bit yuck, I wouldn't leave toys that animals chew and lick around under 2's that put things in their mouth, so bad call from her there. But I don't see any issue with you not putting them back precisely where they were, I mean there can hardly have been that many of them and it was her belongings ffs. Personally I would've taken my own toys for my own DC particularly if they don't have similar aged kids. Some people don't know or don't remember what kids get into at different stages so it's polite and easy to make sure you have a few things yourself. My parents house was a nightmare for ornaments etc and their approach to letting my DC play so i understand that stress and having to be aware.

If you moved something and balanced breakable things in an unexpected place, which resulted in them being broken, then yes I think her message is understandable. If her things have been broken and she's pissed off then the cat toys everywhere would've just been the final straw.

LotsToThinkOf · 13/01/2019 06:51

I don’t think you did anything wrong, she sounds awful and I’d be avoiding her from now on.

MichaelJustineDamian · 13/01/2019 07:00

I would be inwardly annoyed if I was the one hosting the party BUT I wouldn't send a rude message like that. That is really rude. I wouldn't reply, it will annoy her more. Just avoid her.

Pachyderm1 · 13/01/2019 07:33

Unnecessarily snarky. If it had been my house, at the absolute most I’d have rolled my eyes and tidied myself. I can’t imagine being so hung up on the small stuff that I would send a message like that.

MudCity · 13/01/2019 07:34

I too would be irritated if I were her and I may have sent a text like that if I were feeling particularly grumpy 😡...probably because of something else.

To be honest, I would say something has annoyed her...maybe the state of the house after the party or something entirely unrelated which has sparked off her message.

Don’t retaliate. If she is a good friend then let it go as you may find out she is annoyed about something else.

StealthPolarBear · 13/01/2019 07:39

How come the cats were able to knock them over in their new location but not the original location?

Miane · 13/01/2019 07:42

It does seem to be an unnecessarily arsey message - just how much mess did you make? Did you/your DD make other mess? It sounds like someone at the end of their tether.

Regardless of the rights and wrongs of the message you went to someone’s house and didn’t tidy up after yourself. Which was rude and inconsiderate.

Write a polite apology and let it go.

doingasurvey · 13/01/2019 07:45

Rude message. She should put her boxes of crap in drawers next time

UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 13/01/2019 07:51

If I was your friend I'd have let this slide, it's hardly the end of the world is it?
The text is very passive aggressive and uncalled for. It's not like you've done it on purpose.
Keep her at arms length.

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 13/01/2019 08:05

That's a horribly petty and mean text for her to have sent!

I think I'd either not reply at all, or send:

"Thanks for having us: I apologise for not replacing the box in its correct location. All sorry that DC played with the cat's toys. I think next time I will leave him/her at home so these issues don't arise, as his/her presence clearly caused a lot of stress. Hope you manage to enjoy the rest of the weekend!"

Hopefully she will read the above and realise she's being a dick.

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 13/01/2019 08:05

*Also

LadyGAgain · 13/01/2019 08:06

She's hosted a party and is barked about clearing away a few cat toys (how many toys can a cat have?). Jeeeez. Ignore. Just don't reply. If she enquires why at any point you haven't replied I think you should say "assumed you were a bit boozy and it really didn't warrant a response did it?".

LadyGAgain · 13/01/2019 08:07

*narked not barked!

EeeSheWasThin · 13/01/2019 08:16

My friend came round with her kids a while ago and they went to watch tv in the living room. It was only when they went I realised one of them had bent the hands on my clock. I didn’t say anything to my friend as my thought was that I should have moved it out of reach before they came. I was a bit fed up that she’d suggested they go and watched tv alone when they haven’t learnt not to play with things that aren’t theirs but I still didn’t say anything. So no, YANBU, it’s a bit arsey.

Hollypink · 13/01/2019 08:24

Well it is her own problem for leaving boxes lying around when having a party she would of been moaning either way if your child had knocked the boxes over wherever she had left them, same for the cat toys why would you leave them lying around when you know kids are coming? I'd agree with others has she had an issue with fertility