AIBU to not want to split bill evenly six ways

[SaucySpider]

I've just been for a meal with my daughter and son in law together with his parents. My husband and I arrived early so bought some drinks and were seated while we waited for the others. We had a very nice meal and had a good evening. However when the bill came my daughter split the bill evenly six ways but after our first drinks hubby and I only drank tap water (not because we are mean but because we like water with our meal) while the others all had at least two alcoholic drinks then coffees which were added to the bill. Thus we ended up paying for a large portion of their drinks. Don't get me wrong we are always willing to 'get a round in' when we socialise but having already bought our own drinks and not having any more I felt a little bit cheated or am I being a skinflint. Would it have been fairer to just split the food part?

I usually drink tap water when I'm out. . Hate fizzy drinks, am usually driving and don't drink cows milk so....

It’s like a different world! Some of us genuinely can’t afford to split like this, (some of us can’t afford to go out at all, but that’s a whole other story)
If I do go out, I can’t afford to split evenly.
Op YANBU (unless you’re loaded)
But presumably you say something, either before the meal or when the bill arrives? As a PP said, they’re not mind readers.

YABU

Presumably though as it was the OP's daughter who suggested the split she must have an idea that her parents can afford

I’m the unashamed drinker at dinner. Majority of the time we eat with preferred bill-splitters, but there are friends that I know don’t drink and are on a budget so in their case they get their bill made up separately.

But it’s all about communication isn’t it? You know that you and DH like water with your food. Just how hard would it have been to say to DD beforehand that you’ll be asking the waiter for a separate bill? For that YABU as you’ve created angst you could’ve averted.

My parents pay for a lot of things for my family, I'd have picked up the bill especially since it was probably my idea!!! It is a bit irritating but everyone will have taken yoyr daughters lead.

But it doesn't always work out over time. Light eaters, vegetarians and none drinkers aren't suddenly going to start ordering 3 courses, steaks and all the wine.

Plenty of people can afford to eat out if they limit what they spend but can't afford multiple courses or drinks. Should they not eat out at all because others have a bigger budget or want to eat or drink more and expect everyone to match their level of spending whether they actually have the food and drink or not?

Isn't the stingy/mean person the one who knows full well they've had more, but doesn't immediately offer to put in extra?

Nobody like going out for a meal with someone who's constantly keeping track. Especially family. There's someone like this in our extended family. Miserable so and so. I wouldn't be surprised if she brought a calculator next time.

Yanbu. I hate paying for other people's alcohol, as I don't drink.

antihop that’s perfectly reasonable, so how do you approach it so everyone pays equitably?

Nobody like going out for a meal with someone who's constantly keeping track.

If you're a vegetarian who doesn't drink much, it's not much fun going out with someone who expects you to pay for their steak and wine either.

It's such an English thing to split the bill. In Germany as a matter of course they'll just ask how you want the bill split which is obviously much more sensible. In lots of cases it really doesn't even out over time and it's pointless for one person to subsidise the other's meal every time.

I'd judge if you did this I'm afraid and I usually order veggie and don't drink. If you were on a staff night out or a large party of friends you could maybe say something but I think in these circumstances you have a lot to gain by being the bigger person.

It's also odd that people seem to take offence at not splitting the bill - why would that be a bad thing?

@scurfnnerf yes, that’s true, I would make it clear, plus my friends all know I’m skint too.

I think in your situation you just suck it up and pay as it was family.

I eat meat and drink with dinner so when I'm with vegetarians or people who don't drink much I always suggest they pay less and usually they are grateful at not having to raise it themselves.

Like you I may have a drink from the bar while waiting but rarely drink anything but water with a meal, so paying for other people's alcohol doesn't sit well with me at all. However with family,unless I was really struggling and/or they were taking the piss and quaffing it down like no-one's business, I wouldn't make a fuss. Put it down to experience and chose the most expensive meal and dessert on the menu next time.....What! Who said that?

@cowfacedmonkey I do see your point but I also think there is something really tight and cringeworthy about only ordering tap water with a meal. ...... some people like tap water. I hate the taste of bottled water, sparkling or mineral is even worse... don't get me started on soda water haha, I like nothing better to drink than a glass of room temperature tap water, I take my own when visiting friends for tea as I dislike soft drink, flavoured mineral waters etc, I will on very rare occasions drink a watered down juice.

Maybe you should worry about your own business instead of judging the lowly, nasty, cringe worthy tap water drinkers?

Cheers to that hey!

I have nothing against tap water and will always ask for some for the table to have alongside other drinks. However, I see going for dinner in the evening with friends and (adult) family as a convivial experience characterised by the enjoyment of food and drink together.

There seems something ascetic to me about someone who is not teetotal/ driving/ pregnant, and all other caveats you can think of, being seated at the table and saying "I'll just have tap water."

Separate bills are a nightmare. Suck it up

How on earth have we got to the stage when eating out whereby the stingy person is deemed as the one who will happily pay for everything they've consumed, but objects to paying a portion of someone else's?
In what other sector of life does this happen?! Answer - None. 'Oh I want a four bedroom house, and you a basic flat, let's split it.'
It's utter nonsense really.
Everyone's thinking needs to change.

Disclaimer - I always spilt the bill nowadays, or I pay more if necessary, but that's because I'm in the financial position to do so. My post is sticking up for those who aren't.

Yanbu we have the same issue partner and I don't drink so never split the bill like that!! We'd end up paying double what we have! Xx

Separate bills are a nightmare

For who? Not the waiting staff I assure you, and not for the people who want to pay for what they consumed and not subsidise your greed. So who are they a nightmare for exactly?

The nightmare is when people don’t speak up, the dreaded 30 minute slightly drunken maths lesson at the end of the meal. I have been for meals especially work related and the orders individual taken. Or a Wetherspoon style restaurant chosen. Why order all together for than at the end to separate. I did go out once and the girl took out of her bag highlighter pens. It pissed not only some of the people off at the table but the wait staff whilst we try to work out who had the unaccounted wine. If you want separate bills ask for them, but preferably before the meal and if not definitely when the bill arrives.