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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to split bill evenly six ways

356 replies

SaucySpider · 12/01/2019 23:26

I've just been for a meal with my daughter and son in law together with his parents. My husband and I arrived early so bought some drinks and were seated while we waited for the others. We had a very nice meal and had a good evening. However when the bill came my daughter split the bill evenly six ways but after our first drinks hubby and I only drank tap water (not because we are mean but because we like water with our meal) while the others all had at least two alcoholic drinks then coffees which were added to the bill. Thus we ended up paying for a large portion of their drinks. Don't get me wrong we are always willing to 'get a round in' when we socialise but having already bought our own drinks and not having any more I felt a little bit cheated or am I being a skinflint. Would it have been fairer to just split the food part?

OP posts:
my2bundles · 13/01/2019 12:06

I always ask for a separate bill. Eating out for me is a very rare treat, once every several months. When I do I order within my means and enjoy my treat. Paying extra for others who have the luxury of eating out more often is not possible as it would eat into my grocery budget. I refuse to just suck it up and leave myself short, and I refuse to give up my once in a few months treat.

Rezie · 13/01/2019 12:10

How exactly does the conversation before dinner about the bill goes? You have the menu in the hand and you ask how you pay? Then decide accordingly what you will order? How is it less awkward at that point than after dinner?

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 13/01/2019 12:12

I can’t understand why people get so exasperated at the idea of paying only for the food and drink they have consumed. If you hate the idea of who had what so vehemently just offer to pay for everyone. Job done.

Redcrayonisthebest · 13/01/2019 12:13

There seems something ascetic to me about someone who is not teetotal/ driving/ pregnant, and all other caveats you can think of, being seated at the table and saying "I'll just have tap water."

It's none of your business what people drink, they don't owe you an explanation of their food and drink choices Confused
I quite often wonder why people get so mortally offended about another person declining an alcoholic drink. It shouldn't affect your own enjoyment.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 13/01/2019 12:19

@Redcrayonisthebest Drinkers hate to drink alone. It’s their problem but they want to make it yours.

I enjoy wine but not with food. I’m always the one asking for a jug of water for the table, and once it’s there everyone wants a glass. I really don’t care what how it looks to Boozy Judgypants down the table.

OrdinarySnowflake · 13/01/2019 12:22

MyImaginaryCat - I think it's because so many will happily set up a joint bill, but then rather than have one person pay it or just split it evenly, at that point want to separate out the bill again. Its annoying.

If you want a separate bill, ask at the start. Then there's no awkwardness trying to work out who had what and add it up, it's been done for you. (And then if 2 or 3 people on the table want to do their bill jointly, it's easier to work out as well, you just add those together.)

The norm is to direct split a bill, or one person pay it, or have separate bills. The joint bill but then trying to separate it back out again is the hardest way to do it out of all the options. Don't force that on everyone else.

BarbaraofSevillle · 13/01/2019 12:32

Bottled water, especially that which comes in plastic bottles is morally repugnant in a country that has universal very cheap clean safe water coming out of a tap in just about every inhabited building in the country.

And that's before the extortionate price that is often charged for it in restaurants. That's what wrong with bottled water.

I don't really see why people have to announce that they will be paying separately at the beginning. The only people who would be interested in knowing that information would be those who intend ordering more food and drink thank they want to/can pay for.

People could ask for their own bill when the bill is asked for, that seems doable in most restaurants for the food and drinks served individually at least.

KonekoBasu · 13/01/2019 12:43

Yanbu. I don't split the bill with family anymore, as we could be out with up to ten other people, all drinking, all having multiple courses, while DH and I have one course and soft drinks. It just got ridiculous.

Propertywoe · 13/01/2019 12:44

My DD only drinks tap water, the awkwardness for me is purely that it’s free and I know how much the catering industry relies on the mark up of drinks to survive. As I pay she is saving me money but is something that although I know all the positives just feels wrong.

goose1964 · 13/01/2019 12:44

We only ever eat in restaurants as a couple or with parents who always pay. We're skint and all 3 of them are well off. If we eat out with friends it's always in a pub where we order and pay at the bar. Problem solved

gingercat02 · 13/01/2019 12:47

I would have put my arrival drinks on the bill and spilt the bill evenly with family or friends. At a work do we pay our own amounts which drives me a little bit mad

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 13/01/2019 12:47

OrdinarySnowflake. I agree with you actually. I don’t think people realise they can ask the server at the outset for separate bills. It would make life so much easier if they did.

InSightMars · 13/01/2019 12:55

Agree to separate bills up front or that everyone will pay for exactly what they had, again, up front if you have to do this. All that ‘but you had a starter and he had a cocktail and I only had a lettuce leaf and a tomato wedge’ thing drives me insane, it’s embarrassing and awkward and it totally spoils an otherwise pleasant evening at the end with everyone watching and calculating the cost of what everyone else has and resenting and haggling.

Fortunately most of my family and friends are all quite happy with an even split, or we get it this time, you get it next. It all balances out in the long run.

NashvilleQueen · 13/01/2019 12:56

Not read the whole thing but I do slightly wonder about you buying yourselves drinks before the others arrive and then having tap water with the meal. Firstly it’s a bit on the dull side and secondly it suggests you were hoping to avoid a round.

That said I’m a lavish fool who is hopeless with money and it would never cross my mind to split a bill anything other than by the number of guests.

I should say that anyone tells me they just want to pay for their own or that they’re on a budget at the outset gets no judgement from me. I would prefer to have them there than not. But these circumstances seem a bit different.

MrsChollySawcutt · 13/01/2019 12:56

YABU - this was a family dinner unless you want them to think you are a mean-minded skinflint just suck it up.

NashvilleQueen · 13/01/2019 13:01

In what other sector of life does this happen?! Answer - None. 'Oh I want a four bedroom house, and you a basic flat, let's split it.'
It's utter nonsense really

Because a convivial evening with family where the tap water drinkers pay maybe a fiver more rather than spend ten minutes with a calculator working it out to the penny is very similar to the example suggested. Utter nonsense is right.

GabsAlot · 13/01/2019 13:04

as you say it was over double what u had ordered then u have every right to pay for your own

my dsis but its only a couple of quid she literally works it out down to pennies bit embarrassing

arethereanyleftatall · 13/01/2019 13:46

Nashville - that isn't what the op said. She said it doubled their (should have been) bill, so at a guess £30 extra for two of them.

I don't think anyone would disagree that getting a calculator out to quibble about pennies is tight.

AllMYSmellySocks · 13/01/2019 13:47

I had a friend who ordered the most expensive set menu, cocktails etc then wanted to split the bill. I went along with it but wasn't happy (it ended up costing me about £15 more than if I just paid for my own). Which at the time was a fair bit of money for me. Later that night we got a taxi which cost £20. I had no cash so she paid but asked me to pay her back the next day. I really don't get why £15 was nothing when you're sharing a meal but I have to payback a tenner for a taxi.

SilverySurfer · 13/01/2019 13:55

I don't understand why you got to the restaurant early enough to buy and drink alcoholic drinks and then drank tap water with your meal. Were you hoping to save money by only having to buy two drinks? Wouldn't it have been more pleasurable to have had a glass or two of wine with your meal?

Allthewaves · 13/01/2019 14:00

It's family. Unless your broke and really cannot afford it, your being tight. My husband and my parents always treat us a bit as they have more money than us

NanooCov · 13/01/2019 14:57

YABU

MarthasGinYard · 13/01/2019 15:03

'I don't understand why you got to the restaurant early enough to buy and drink alcoholic drinks and then drank tap water with your meal. '

We have a family member who does just this

FruitCider · 13/01/2019 15:10

YANBU

As a vegetarian who drinks pints I refuse to split a bill with people who for example order steak and Chardonnay.

arethereanyleftatall · 13/01/2019 15:16

It's lovely to be in a financial situation whereby you can split bills all the time with a smile on your face.

But, equally, if someone round the table says 'I'd rather just pay for my own thanks', there needs to be a unanimous 'no problem' with nobody judging, or bitching about it afterwards.