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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to split bill evenly six ways

356 replies

SaucySpider · 12/01/2019 23:26

I've just been for a meal with my daughter and son in law together with his parents. My husband and I arrived early so bought some drinks and were seated while we waited for the others. We had a very nice meal and had a good evening. However when the bill came my daughter split the bill evenly six ways but after our first drinks hubby and I only drank tap water (not because we are mean but because we like water with our meal) while the others all had at least two alcoholic drinks then coffees which were added to the bill. Thus we ended up paying for a large portion of their drinks. Don't get me wrong we are always willing to 'get a round in' when we socialise but having already bought our own drinks and not having any more I felt a little bit cheated or am I being a skinflint. Would it have been fairer to just split the food part?

OP posts:
IamIwas · 14/01/2019 18:56

With the group I mentioned earlier in the thread where we split the bill but some people drank a lot and others nothing (and I gave three of them a lift home which for some reason I’m more narked about than the bill) I won’t go again.

I found the drunk ones got loud and lairy and didn’t think twice about the bill split for non-drinkers and have probably never given it another thought.

Not exactly the op’s case however.

Hellsbells35 · 14/01/2019 18:59

You are the parents?! Suck it up. Let’s say each drink cost £5 and the coffees £3. £52 would be on bill. You paid an extra £8.60 each. Would you begrudge your kids that? You should have put your drinks on a tab for the table.

Original poster
SaucySpider · 14/01/2019 19:00

LisaSimpsonsbff Ok I concede my maths may be a bit off but we still paid £21 each for one course. This isn't even a matter of not being able to afford it but likewise I don't have spare £20s to throw about although we are retired with a more limited income and both DD, sil and pil have very good jobs. If it was the other way round and we had consumed two or three drinks and the pil hadn't put any drinks at all onto the bill then I would never dream of allowing them to subsidise us. Anyway what's done is done. We didn't make an issue of it at the restaurant and despite many contributors thinking we are mean and tight fisted, overall I don't think IWBU. Thank everyone.

OP posts:
CandleConcerto · 14/01/2019 19:03

I don’t drink so I generally hate this. I end up paying for gin cocktails I didn’t drink.,

magoria · 14/01/2019 19:06

I never understand why it is considered tight to pay for what you had but not tight to expect other people to subsidise your meal/drinks.

cloudspotter · 14/01/2019 19:07

What fevertree said:

"I would have expected one of the parent couples to have paid the bill for everyone. In fact I would have expected the parent couples to have a light hearted argument as they both tried to settle the bill. Finishing with a , well that was delightful, don't forget next time it is on us"

There is nothing worse than penny punchers and tight arses. Unless you are absolutely brassic, and no idea where you're going to get the money till next payday, in which case you'd make polite excuses for not being able to come.

It's a one-off opportunity to get on with some people who are key in your daughter's life. It's not you that will suffer, it's her. It could make her feel really awkward about future gatherings etc.

sollyfromsurrey · 14/01/2019 19:08

Vegetarians and non drinkers almost always subsidise everyone else as vege meals are almost always amongst the cheapest and obviously if you don't drink you are a cheap night out. It's just tricky to calculate though as it is not just the menu price. You have to add in service charge and VAT and it just gets complicated. People probably need to speak out more and say 'I had no drinks and only ordered the pasta so I'm happy to put in £X (and I would always round it up)and then leave it to the others to figure out how to split the balance. No reasonable person will resent a non drinker for not paying for everyone's drinks

Redcrayonisthebest · 14/01/2019 19:08

Redcrayonisbest if I had like £20 to spend on a night out I just wouldn’t go. I would just say I’m skint and I can’t afford to go out. Or just tell my friends from the beginning I’m ordering a bowl of pasta and a glass of water so leave me out of the bill (I personally would just stay home if I had to do that)

Ok, well that's you and your choice.
I often have a tight budget and have been that person who looked up prices ahead of time, stuck to dishes I could afford and yes (gasp!!) drank tap water. I'd rather do that because it means I get to see my friends/family. I used to be a massive spendthrift and believe I had to chuck money about, drink heartily and treat people in order to have a good time. Since committing to clearing my debts and living more sensibly I've realised that I can have a good night out on a budget.

elephantinstripeysocks · 14/01/2019 19:20

i hate this. i would have a word with your daughter about being so generous with other peoples money.

TheBigBangRocks · 14/01/2019 19:24

"I would have expected one of the parent couples to have paid the bill for everyone. In fact I would have expected the parent couples to have a light hearted argument as they both tried to settle the bill. Finishing with a , well that was delightful, don't forget next time it is on us

Me too. Can't imagine splitting a bill with my children much less argue I had eaten less.

itwaseverthus · 14/01/2019 19:27

You could have arrived early and put your drinks on the table bill. It doesn't sound like a long, boozy night so frankly I think YABU.

Rudgie47 · 14/01/2019 19:28

Unless its just me and a good friend where we take it in turns for meals I will only ever pay for what I've had. I just say I'm paying for myself, obviously what everyone else does is upto them.
I think it would be easier if all restaurants just gave each person their bill. This would stop all this nonsense all the time.

NorthbyNorthwest22 · 14/01/2019 19:39

Personally I will only ever split a food bill but this was after a very bad experience a few years ago and all my friends and family know this and are happy with it. Went out with 4 other couples so 10 in total. I was pregnant and my oh was taking medication that you can’t mixed with alcohol. All friends were aware of this. End of the night came and the alcohol bill was just over £300 and they expected us to split the bill with them! We refused as we had drank 3 cokes and a sparkling water that evening but for some reason we were the unreasonable ones!

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 14/01/2019 19:41

Oh Jesus
Split the bill!

EdWinchester · 14/01/2019 19:56

Unless money is very tight, I think you're being incredibly skin-flinty.

You're talking about a few pounds. I would be mortified to quibble over this.

Charlie97 · 14/01/2019 20:02

YABVU... live a little, don't have tap water, have a bottle of sparkling water, why not have coffee after your meal, have a dessert wine.

Your daughter clearly didn't want to trawl through the bill with a calculator, if you wanted too you should've said! It's not up to your daughter or anyone else to penny punch on your behalf.... it's up to you.

In future when the bill arrives, ask for it and do the sums yourself.

SianyLou11 · 14/01/2019 20:04

Depends. If I’m out with a friend and we’ve eaten similar meals then fine we split it. If I’m out with someone who doesn’t have much money and has eaten/drink less specifically for this reason then we work out the bill for what we’ve each had. I always offer each option and see what everyone else wants to do.

EllenMP · 14/01/2019 21:45

I find it really irritating that restaurants won't give you separate bills. This is the norm in New York, where I come from, and it avoids all the hassle. Each person, or couple, or family gets their own bill and then those who want to order the lobster can and those who don't drink don't feel put out. It's not that hard - every actor in New York knows how to do it, and yet I've organised large group meals in restaurants a dozen times and asked for this and either they flat out refuse when I ask upon booking, or they say yes and then just present us with one giant bill at the end. And then someone has to figure out how to split it, and no one can leave early without taking a guess as to how much they owe and leaving a random amount, and all the early leavers underestimate what they owe and then you are ten percent short at the end and have to either kick more in or leave a poor tip, which, as New Yorker, goes against everything I stand for. It's hideous. And it could all be avoided with separate bills. People end up making separate card payments anyway, and then the waiter has to tot up what's been paid. Sorry. Rant over now.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 14/01/2019 21:58

YABU. Don't go out for a meal unless you're willing to split the bill. Penny pinches are so embarassing

Ballbags · 14/01/2019 22:18

YABU. What a hugh amount of fuss over £42 for dinner with your DAUGHTER!
I cannot stand those who get a calculator out to work out exactly what they had.

genius1308 · 14/01/2019 22:23

I have it when people want to split the bill, I never do it. And not because I'm tight, the opposite actually. My dh and I don't go out often (small children and no childcare) so when we so we like to splurge. Always have 3 courses, always have steak, always drink spirits. If I thought someone else was going to have to subsidised our meal I'd feel like I couldn't order what I wanted. I have friends who have limited funds so would maybe order pizza or a pasta dish and a larger when they come out with us. I'd prefer to pay my own bill and spend time with them rather than have them feel like they had to say no to joining us because they couldn't afford to pay for our food!

GunpowderGelatine · 14/01/2019 22:26

@genius1308 I totally agree, like you our nights out are few and far between and we eat like kings when we do go out, no expenses spared. Our friends often have less food, or cheaper meals and fewer drinks etc, if we did be the types who split the bill I'd feel compelled to either order less or I'd feel bad that friends were substituting my meal

AGHHHH · 14/01/2019 22:27

I happily split the bill if everyone had more or less in the same region but when you're the only ones who had significantly less... Yanbu.

StreetwiseHercules · 14/01/2019 22:28

“Don't get me wrong we are always willing to 'get a round in'“
Sounds like it.

Aroundtheworldandback · 14/01/2019 22:30

Oh for goodness sake I’d be terrified to order anything with you in case it didn’t cost the same as what you ordered! Just be happy you all get along so well!