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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to split bill evenly six ways

356 replies

SaucySpider · 12/01/2019 23:26

I've just been for a meal with my daughter and son in law together with his parents. My husband and I arrived early so bought some drinks and were seated while we waited for the others. We had a very nice meal and had a good evening. However when the bill came my daughter split the bill evenly six ways but after our first drinks hubby and I only drank tap water (not because we are mean but because we like water with our meal) while the others all had at least two alcoholic drinks then coffees which were added to the bill. Thus we ended up paying for a large portion of their drinks. Don't get me wrong we are always willing to 'get a round in' when we socialise but having already bought our own drinks and not having any more I felt a little bit cheated or am I being a skinflint. Would it have been fairer to just split the food part?

OP posts:
Wooliesgal · 14/01/2019 17:34

Yanbu at all. I hate equal splits no matter who we're out with. Primarily because I don't drink alcohol, neither does hubby. I rarely have starters or a pudding. I also don't eat meat so my meal is usually a LOT cheaper than other people's!

Hector2000 · 14/01/2019 17:35

I can understand your irritation but YABU. If you had had only water, it might be fair to split the food six ways and the bar bill four ways, but you did have a drink. I mean, did everyone have puddings? Maybe those who didn’t have a pud resented the six way split! You see, once it gets into detail anything other than equal splitting is s bit painful and ruins the friendly vibe of the meal imo

Emoconn · 14/01/2019 17:38

YABU! I hate when I go out and people make a fuss about splitting the bill. You shouldn’t go out if you can’t afford it. Why didn’t ye just order a dessert or something if ye didn’t want coffee. Also it was a family thing so just split it. If I go out with friends and someone isn’t drinking we just tell them to put in £20 less or something. Often if a friend isn’t drinking they will make sure to order starter and dessert and coffee to make up for up and we just split evenly then.

ArwenEdwards · 14/01/2019 17:41

Not everyone has money to throw around and pride is a huge factor. Embarrassing to say you can't afford the split but then you can't put money in the electric meter later down the line. Life can be a nightmare.

Exhausted2905 · 14/01/2019 17:50

Sorry, you are a complete skinflint! I’ve had this when out with friends before now. Do you really begrudge people a few quid if you have had a good night???
Imagine trying to work out exactly what you owe for each person!
Ridiculous but only my opinion.......

Redcrayonisthebest · 14/01/2019 17:51

*@Emoconn *
You shouldn’t go out if you can’t afford it

Are you actually serious? So people who can't afford to buy other people's alcohol for them should just stay at home rather than just budget a bit Confused?

Am genuinely shocked by the cheeky fuckers on this thread who think that if somebody can't afford to buy them a drink they don't deserve to be out at all.

Strongmummy · 14/01/2019 17:57

I’d think you were being unreasonable I’m afraid and a bit tight. If you were going to have an issue with this you should have made it clear upfront or when the bill came.

DippyAvocado · 14/01/2019 18:01

Am genuinely shocked by the cheeky fuckers on this thread who think that if somebody can't afford to buy them a drink they don't deserve to be out at all.

Completely agree!

DippyAvocado · 14/01/2019 18:05

Do you really begrudge people a few quid if you have had a good night???

And do you really expect people to subsidise your more expensive food and drink choices when they are on a budget? I would often like to eat the seabass or steak, but I can only afford the pasta or burger.

IrmaFayLear · 14/01/2019 18:08

Personally I think in this instance the relationship is worth more than the two drinks.
In laws and in law issues can destroy marriages.

Absolutely this post.

This is not a question of friends or acquaintances not splitting a bill, the company is the daughter, son-in-law and his parents. I would think very badly indeed of people who were even thinking this. To have said something - well, dh and I would never stop talking about such a skinflint pair.

I hope OP you're not going to be like my pil - very deep pockets and very short arms...

Chocolateislife88 · 14/01/2019 18:10

Each to their own, but personally with family and in-laws I'd feel much more comfortable splitting the bill than trying to sit and work out who owes what. With friends if there's a big difference in what we've had I'd not want to split.

MacarenaFerreiro · 14/01/2019 18:20

Urgh, can't think of anything worse than picking over the who had what, you had the more expensive starter but I had a glass of wine, you had pudding and I didn't conversation.

Way to spoil a nice night out - especially with your DAUGHTER!.

So, so petty and picky.

importantkath · 14/01/2019 18:22

I always split the bill regardless as I hate it when people start fussing about what they have eaten. Etc etc etc. It puts a dampener on it for me (and I am often the driver as I am a vegetarian who doesn't drink much).

If you have an issue with splitting the bill, say it when the meal is planned. (And I usually stop going out with people who behave like that)

Yearinyearout · 14/01/2019 18:22

I don’t think YABU. I’m always happy to split the bill if we all eat and drink roughly the same, but if others are having a couple of drinks and coffee that could be an extra £15 per person for them, I don’t see why you should subsidise it. When we go out for meals my DH always drinks more than anyone else and I always make sure we chuck in extra cash to save others paying for his beer! If we go out with my mum or sister I know they can’t afford much so I’m careful they don’t end up paying for stuff they haven’t had.

IrmaFayLear · 14/01/2019 18:26

Why do posters keep on and on about how it's unfair to split. Yes, it sometimes is. WITH FRIENDS.

In the OP's case it involves a) two drinks and b) IN LAWS.

Gosh, the very thought of telling ds's (non-existent) girlfriend/wife's parents that they'd had a Merlot and a Sauvignon Blanc and owed more. How embarrassing .

LisaSimpsonsbff · 14/01/2019 18:27

Our meal cost was only about £12 each and we ended up paying £21 each plus our initial cost of drinks at nearly £6 so a total of £24 each for one course.

Erm, you seem to be doing some dodgy maths with those pre drinks. You did drink them, so by your reckoning it was far that you paid for them - but you seem to be including them in your overpayment to get it to you paying double.

ToftyAC · 14/01/2019 18:28

YANBU

MissingGeorgeMichael · 14/01/2019 18:29

If you only want to pay for what you have consumed then say so at the beginning of the meal or agree with the host beforehand.

On this thread there is clearly strong opinions on how to handle a bill at the end of a meal. You'll never get compete consensus so best to be clear in advance so stop any atmosphere at the end of a meal.

With my friends we split the bill unless someone is not drinking for any reason but we'd always take that into account when splitting the bill. We'd never get the calculator out and divide out exactly as it all evens out for us in the end.

Emoconn · 14/01/2019 18:37

Redcrayonisbest if I had like £20 to spend on a night out I just wouldn’t go. I would just say I’m skint and I can’t afford to go out. Or just tell my friends from the beginning I’m ordering a bowl of pasta and a glass of water so leave me out of the bill (I personally would just stay home if I had to do that)

Fabulousdahlink · 14/01/2019 18:40

The very next time you go out ( as this meal is a done thing now). Either you or your dh says " no no.... We had drinks before you arrived...we wouldnt dream of the bill being split and you guys paying for drinks we had before you arrived would we dear ? That would be so very wrong of us...we INSIST on paying our way.... That way you look the opposite of mean...but only pay for your own meals and drinks.

The other strategy is to sneak off to the loo towards the end of the meal...via the till and pay for your share. Say " we wouldnt dream of making you pay for our pre dinner drinks- so I think dh/dw has settled our bit...you go ahead and split rest of he bill...no problem with that have we darling ?

You can tell we've been stung that way too many times before...lol Brass it out. After a coue of times people start to remember and say " oh you two always pay your own way" and stop trying it on!

Propertywoe · 14/01/2019 18:40

This is more of a unique circumstance in that two families eating together. The DD by choosing to split set the tone. I could easily imigine an in law thread on how a lovely meal was destroyed with nit picking over the bill when everyone was happy with splitting and they ordered more. In laws never seem to win.

supersop60 · 14/01/2019 18:44

Another one here for saying upfront if you don't want to split the bill.
When it's family though, I think I'd suck it up, especially if it's not a regular thing.

Spiderbabe13 · 14/01/2019 18:45

All pay for your own meals. Problem solved.

BarbaraofSevillle · 14/01/2019 18:48

I would often like to eat the seabass or steak, but I can only afford the pasta or burger

That's the great galling thing about this, when people choose cheaper options, so they can stick to their budget, someone else, who has more money than them demands that everyone pays the same because they can't be arsed with some simple maths, leaving the person with less money potentially short elsewhere.

hallamoo · 14/01/2019 18:49

Once I paid £60 for a one course vegan meal, and a black coffee because I was driving.

Everyone had 3 courses and a few bottles of wine.

I sucked it up because nothing had been agreed in advance, but it was unfair and I can't believe everyone else thought it was ok. Especially as they all commented on the lack of vegan starters & desserts.

I also gave some of the CF'ers a lift home!