WIBU to get pizza delivered to DD's school for her birthday lunch?

[PizzaMom]

I apparently am known as 'that' parent and have been given the side eye the few times I've gone in since!

It was DD's 16th last month on a school day. I ordered a few pizzas to be sent to school at lunchtime so she could share them with her mates in the common room. Teachers were not going to let her have them and when they relented (by the time they got cold) made her and a few friends eat them in a separate meeting room when she had planned to share them as there was enough for about 20 people!

I don't see it as being that different from me bringing in a forgotten lunch box?

I also ordered flowers and a balloon to be delivered and school refused to let her have them until after school had finished.

I was trying to make DD's day special. I really didn't think would have been that much of an issue which ruined it a bit for DD.

WIBU?

Math, I think the British approach to schools is normally one that tries to minimize any differences between children from poorer and more affluent backgrounds. It's why school uniforms are so prominent and why you'll have some schools banning certain designer clothing that might be seen as a status symbol. The culture is to discourage competitive spending that might make less fortunate kids (either with poorer, or less engaged parents) from feeling shitty that they don't get the same privileges as their classmates.

In Primary School, we were largely forbidden from bringing toys from home (I think we could bring one toy with us every Friday). Everything is geared towards minimizing difference and peer pressure.

I'm quite happy with that culture and wouldn't want in-school birthday celebrations with competitive spending by parents to become the norm, as it sounds might be the case in the States.

My favourite bit was calling teachers "Miss Trunchbulls" if they don't want to act like servants to spoilt teenagers!

On the topic of 'spoiling' -

I would consider a school allowing parents to drop off forgotten lunches or PE kits and then sending runners to individual students to inform them they were at the office to be the definition of spoiling.

Parents who do this are coddling students and schools that put up with it are enabling irresponsible behaviour. It's the very definition of spoiling.

Are students not embarrassed that mummy has had to run to school with their PE kit because they have a head that is only tenuously joined to the rest of their bodies? Apparently not, but it is 'mortifying', 'embarrassing' and one of the worst things that could befall a teen to have someone remember their birthday in a way that actually draws attention to the fact that it is their birthday. Because that is all sorts of wrong, it seems.

It's very, very odd that the spoiling of children is occurring every day under your noses, and nobody sees it for what it is; instead it is offered as an example of what is normal and natural and what should happen in a school.

It hasn't occurred to anyone that if one person gets their forgotten items delivered to the school then surely it will just encourage everyone else to be equally feckless, and nobody will learn that lack of focus has consequences. It is apparently considered such a non-problem that some schools have runners lined up at the reception desk specifically to enable the immaturity of the students.

Same goes for the idea that schools need to massage the feelz of students who have allergies or who are not friends with the birthday girl. This is entitlement on steroids. The idea that the tallest blade must be mowed down in order to help everyone else feel good about themselves leads to a culture of mediocrity, and also to bullying.

And on that topic, what are schools teaching students when a parent gets the stink eye when she goes there?
That passive aggressive displays are acceptable?
That it is ok to treat people badly?
That anyone who sticks her neck out is fair game?

Somebody could have a flower allergy so sending a pretty bunch of potential death plants is a bad idea. Balloons get eaten by cows and they die so the school didn't want to risk attracting cows to the classroom and they're off-putting for students. And eating pizzas would be cultural appropriation.

YABU.

Math - they do find it embarrassing to have stuff dropped off them. And in fact that isn't an option for most of the students in my school as they often have long commutes and families where both parents work.

I'm quite happy with that culture and wouldn't want in-school birthday celebrations with competitive spending by parents to become the norm, as it sounds might be the case in the States.

It's not competitive spending unless you choose to see it that way. You could choose to see it as a nice gesture by the parents and wish the child well.

The British approach that seeks to micromanage feelings is completely misguided. The dog in the manger is a poor approach because it teaches a poor lesson. It would be far kinder in the long run not to give children the idea that British society is equal.

It would be far better for everyone concerned to teach children not to be envious, not to expect to be given everything someone else may have, and that keeping up with the Joneses is an undignified mug's game.

You might see a decrease in bullying for starters if people weren't so focused on others and what they do and have, and if school admin weren't so keen to use flimsy devices like uniforms instead of tackling the real problems.

I am also in America, and not only would it happen in my kids' schools, it has happened, many times that I am aware of and probably many more times that I am not aware of.
It is so normal and un-noteworthy to celebrate a birthday in school with a nice gesture involving pizza for the class or flowers for the birthday student

I could say maybe if your teachers did less of this and more actual teaching that your country might not have voted for that idiot as your president but I won't because there have been other Americans on this thread who said it isn't the norm where they are 🙂

Grammar but not embarrassing enough to prevent it happening multiple times in a week I suspect, to different students.

And schools clearly do not see it as an issue if they have runners available as servants to the parents and children.

It's not my country, NotAnotherNewUsername. I have a green card, not citizenship.

I didn't vote for the idiot therefore, but actually neither did the majority of those who voted, if I remember correctly.

There has been at least one other American (or Canadian) on this thread who has shared my experience and observations of birthday celebrations in schools.

Oh if only we had a culture where wealth and flashiness were so exonerated that we too would elect billionaire, self-obsessed, know-nothing manchild as our leader.

But aren't the school runners doing things that are school related things. PE kit.. So doesn't effect the lesson and lunch.. So pupils get their lunch. Not birthday presents and things that have no effect.

After a post like that, my mind always wanders to Boris Johnson.
And call-me-Dave.

Why do so many Britons from all over the country vote Tory?

But aren't the school runners doing things that are school related things. PE kit.. So doesn't effect the lesson and lunch.. So pupils get their lunch

Yes, God forbid that precious lessons would be disrupted.

Meanwhile the lesson that there is no consequence to forgetting your lunch or your PE kit and that there will always be people there to run around after you taking care of stuff you are old enough to take care of yourself is well and truly learned.

Why do so many Britons from all over the country vote Tory?
That I can't answer, but I don't find the fact that certain politicians have to try to play down their affluence to be egregious. Better than encouraging valuing a person by their visiable wealth.

if school admin weren't so keen to use flimsy devices like uniforms instead of tackling the real problems.

Real problems like school shootings perhaps? Yeah US schools are fantastic.

Hmm think I'll stick to the UK's teachers and school rules thanks 🙄

By the way this OP was 'performing' pure and simple, it probably didn't even have anything to do with her DD, she wanted everyone talking about her.

Meanwhile the lesson that there is no consequence to forgetting your lunch or your PE kit and that there will always be people there to run around after you taking care of stuff you are old enough to take care of yourself is well and truly learned.

That's if their parent drops off whatever it is they've forgotten.if not.. lesson learnt.

Math - where do you get the idea it happens often? I have been at my current school for over a decade and count on one hand the number of times this has happened. And there are consequences for coming unequipped to lessons.
We also don't have 'runners' at my school. Not all schools do.

Well yes, LetsGoFlyAKitee, but I am talking about the fact that schools seem to accept that students need a fleet of people at the ready to pick up the pieces when the parents decide that it's more important to have lunch than to teach a lesson in self sufficiency.

Many posters here are complaining that staff were involved in the delivery of pizza (and making up all sorts of problems like disposal of the boxes). Clearly those posters must never have encountered anything but spoiled 16 year olds who do not pick up after themselves.

It really cheapens the horror of school shootings when people use them on threads like that, NotAnotherNewUsername.

School shootings are a consequence of lax gun laws and failure to examine problems in a culture.

Problems in schools like theft of belongings, poor classroom behaviour and rampant bullying are a consequence of a culture where envy is allowed to run amok, where children are very poorly socialised, where conformity is seen as a supreme value, and where it only takes a few disruptive children to cause havoc in a classroom because nobody is prepared to stand up to them.

Why do so many Britons from all over the country vote Tory?

Less than 25% of the 40 something percent that voted.

Grammar where do you get the idea it happens often?

Maybe go back through the thread and count the number of posters who have stated that it is fine to bring forgotten kits and lunches to school, and also count the number who have disagreed with them and then the number who have stated that having your forgotten stuff brought to school causes embarrassment and shouldn't be done.

mathanxiety

most teachers would agree that allowing parents to bring in forgotten kit, lunches etc. is spoiling the children.

most would like to see it stopped and the children take responsibility for organising their own equipment. However a lot of parents don't want it stopped as their children would have to suffer the sanctions.

Really don’t see the problem with this. It sounds lovely.

Invented problems like ‘what if everyone did this’ and ‘what about the mess/box disposal’ are just that. Invented problems.

And I agree with just about everything math says. Which is why I am very glad that neither of my children are in mainstream school. I don’t want to raise my children to be forced to conform in arbitrary ways.

PurpleCrazyHorse
This is almost certainly a windup, but I'll bite...
I agree. Though I'm surprised this has been allowed to stand as I agreed with a poster up thread who said the same thing and their post + my reply to their post was deleted.

Op has gone very quiet but mathanxiety hasn't 🤔 oh wait a minute.......

OrangeSamphire
Really don’t see the problem with this. It sounds lovely.

Invented problems like ‘what if everyone did this’ and ‘what about the mess/box disposal’ are just that. Invented problems.

there are a huge amount of rules for invented problems.

but you will note the OP has never stated that her DD cleared up after herself and her friends, The DD (who knew they were coming) wasn't there to accept them.

Linked to the OP never informed the school that they were arriving all issues that have to be thought about and dealt with by someone.