To think that lots of men think this way

[Flynnshine]

Recently a good friend of my partners has split from his wife of 15 years, they have two young children between 10 and 13.
The husband has decided he isn't happy and wants to end the relationship.

Last week he came over to our house in the evening and I left him and my husband chatting in the living room. I wasn't eavesdropping but I was only in the next room so could hear their conversation. Basically the husband has been planning this split for a while, 6 months before he announced he wanted to end things he sold their beautiful big house and they moved into their much smaller starter home which they had out on rent - they moved the kids out of their private school education and into a state school local to their new home.

They've always had a very comfortable life, beautiful house, nice cars and very fancy holidays a few times a year. They both had good jobs when they first met but when the children came along the wife stopped work and dedicated her life to them. They've done amazingly well at school, both top of their classes, sporty and do two sports for their local borough. They are polite and thoughtful and genuinely lovely children.

The conversation I overheard was the husband complaining that even though the wife hasn't paid towards the mortgage for over 10 years she will still be entitled to half of what the house is worth - he seemed bitter and angry and said he'd been hiding money for ages so she wouldn't get anything when they divorce. He's even planning on quitting his job and becoming self employed so he can fudge his earnings so his maintenance payments could be less. My husband was agreeing with him, I don't know if just to placate him or if that's really how he feels!

This man honestly thinks that because he has been working and paying a mortgage that his worth is so much more. He thinks he has enabled her to not work for over 10 years and that she has been having a jolly all that time. It's like he gives zero shits that he has two wonderful children that he has never had to lift a finger for and she has given her all to those children while he reaps the rewards of that.

Do all men deep down think like this, even if they won't openly admit it? Is money really the be all and end all of everything!?

This couple- whoever they are- deserve each other. He sounds like a prize knob end and she sounds like a bitchy judgemental cow.

She’s happy to sit in her beautiful house, taking lovely holidays, with her kids in private school all day, telling herself she’s managed to raise these ‘wonderful kids’ because she hasn’t worked and handed them over to paid care to be ‘raised’.

He’s happy to be the big hot shot who needs a wifey at home to convince himself he’s terribly important and can manage a full time job.

Karma’s a bitch!

I'm not being goady. I do work.

Of course all men don't think like this, they are not all arseholes believe it or not

OP have you spoken to his DW and told her that he's beginning to hide their assets? Have you told her the blunt truth that her husband is a cock and is about to trash their world? If she was a friend of mine, I'd be brutal and tell her, because that way she has the advantage of being able to search and locate things before he's landed his 'blow'. She also has the advantage of time to gather evidence to call him out of his controlling, devious bullshit, and possibly pay someone to kneecap the fucker at the same time.

I'm sure plenty of people feel this way and behave like this when they've been married and had DC. Sadly it's because we don't challenge it often enough that people continue to behave this way. Nobody ever says to a friend "you're behaving like an absolute wanker, mate", including your DH.

Of course all men don't think like this. My husband doesn't, for starters.

I bet the woman in the op didn’t think hers did either.

Thank you @CottonTailRabbit you've said it all in a nutshell and so much more eloquently that I did in my rage! x

And yes, I round absolutely tip the wife off that he’s planning on hiding assets

and she sounds like a bitchy judgemental cow.

Well, that's a bit like the pot calling the kettle black considering the rest of your post.

My husband is not a "cunt" for not wanting to potentially cause an argument in his own home when his children were upstairs asleep! That's a pretty harsh thing to call someone you don't know!

He’s right though

I don’t think all men think like this.
It also works the other way, you only have to look on the threads on here and you will see people telling other women to start hiding money and moving money to safe places. I saved money before leaving my dh.

Sounds like he was just having a moan, tbh men often come out of divorce a lot worse off than the woman does and I can see why he feels a bit bitter but of course he is wrong to think his wife shouldn’t get half of the house, chances are she has raised their children whilst he has been working and will continue to parent his children now he has left her.

There’s always going to be some bitterness during a break up but not all men will be plotting to make sure they get more money out of a divorce.

What a shame your DH didn't say anything. If reasonable men keep quiet, others like your 'friend' will continue to think his behaviour is acceptable.

I agree with the subsequent conversation you had with your DH. If he really does think that way, even a little, then you need to up your earnings, and he needs to take on half of the childcare.

This is insane! On this thread we have a clear example of a man being an appalling dick to his wife and mother of his children, and what do we do - tear each other apart instead.

Reminds me of the Judean People's Front.

They've got us right where they want us.

“Do all men deep down think like this, even if they won't openly admit it?”

Of course not. Why are you even considering this as a possibility?

So according to you, your DH had nothing to do with bringing your children up then, OP? Since you can't possibly work and bring up your own children.

Agree with @MinisterforCheekyFuckery

@Postino exactly what you said!

Do WOHP REALLY bring their children up? Parents who leave the house as their kids are getting up and come home when they are in bed!? 5 sometimes 6 or 7 days a week. I disagree, sorry. Someone else is

Of course working parents bring their children up! And you say you're not being goady!

I bet you regret opening this discussion, OP?

Today 12:05 Flynnshine

‘Do WOHP REALLY bring their children up? Parents who leave the house as their kids are getting up and come home when they are in bed!? 5 sometimes 6 or 7 days a week.

I disagree, sorry. Someone else is!’

Then at 12:25 you posted that you’re not being goady and you do work.

Think you need to get your ducks in a row with this thread OP.
Oh what a tangled web we weave....

“I've spoken to my husband, apparently he doesn't really agree with him but didn't want to voice his opinion. I told him if he really does agree with him then we need to re-think our lives and that I'll be upping my part time hours that fit in with the school and going back part time and he can share the responsibility of school runs and holidays with me and I'll pay half of the mortgage!

Just getting my ducks in a row!!“

Your poor husband. I bet he wishes the guy had never come round, isn’t interested in the dramas of others and just wants a quiet life. Not good enough huh?

I would think that the majority of people that are the main wage earner think like this, whether they are male or female and various threads on here prove this.

But then is this really any different from the women that come on here and say what should I do before leaving my STBXH, and posters list all of the ducks that they should have in a row?

If it were me I would directly ask my husband. I'd say you heard him talking and does he really think that way? Don't tell or be accusatory, just have an honest conversation. You may well find he eas just agreeing to be supportive - I know I've nodded along with stuff I didn't really agree with just to placate a friend going through a hard time.

As for the other guy... Thank God you're not married to that asshole lol. That poor woman, those poor kids :(

I don't think that all men think this way either, but a large percentage of them do.
My husband is one of them - although there is no financial abuse in our house hold, and I have no restrictions on spending or anything, I know fine well that if he ever did split from me, he'd be in the camp of refusing to "finance my lifestyle". I get the occasional snide comment about me not working and him earning all the money (not strictly true but anyway), so I know he considers that his job is more important because financially recompensed.

What your friend's husband has done though is utterly despicable. How dare he hide money and downsize everything so that his wife and children get less in the divorce that HE wants. That IS financial abuse and I hope you tell her what he said. And have strong words with your own husband about him agreeing with it!

It's also financial abuse he's described with such pride, so if your husband genuinely thinks that's a-ok I think you have a problem.

This. I’d be so disappointed in my husband not calling him out on this shite and would tell him so.

What a great guy eh disrupting his kids schooling so he can keep his hands on his precious money. I hope the wife takes the cunt to the fucking cleaners.