To think that lots of men think this way

[Flynnshine]

Recently a good friend of my partners has split from his wife of 15 years, they have two young children between 10 and 13.
The husband has decided he isn't happy and wants to end the relationship.

Last week he came over to our house in the evening and I left him and my husband chatting in the living room. I wasn't eavesdropping but I was only in the next room so could hear their conversation. Basically the husband has been planning this split for a while, 6 months before he announced he wanted to end things he sold their beautiful big house and they moved into their much smaller starter home which they had out on rent - they moved the kids out of their private school education and into a state school local to their new home.

They've always had a very comfortable life, beautiful house, nice cars and very fancy holidays a few times a year. They both had good jobs when they first met but when the children came along the wife stopped work and dedicated her life to them. They've done amazingly well at school, both top of their classes, sporty and do two sports for their local borough. They are polite and thoughtful and genuinely lovely children.

The conversation I overheard was the husband complaining that even though the wife hasn't paid towards the mortgage for over 10 years she will still be entitled to half of what the house is worth - he seemed bitter and angry and said he'd been hiding money for ages so she wouldn't get anything when they divorce. He's even planning on quitting his job and becoming self employed so he can fudge his earnings so his maintenance payments could be less. My husband was agreeing with him, I don't know if just to placate him or if that's really how he feels!

This man honestly thinks that because he has been working and paying a mortgage that his worth is so much more. He thinks he has enabled her to not work for over 10 years and that she has been having a jolly all that time. It's like he gives zero shits that he has two wonderful children that he has never had to lift a finger for and she has given her all to those children while he reaps the rewards of that.

Do all men deep down think like this, even if they won't openly admit it? Is money really the be all and end all of everything!?

How is that disgusting, believe me they are the type of job that if you work there and leave there's somebody in your seat straight away.
I will be accepting one of them if I don't get the one I want.
I just applied for them, then this other came up.
Haven't been given a start date as they wait until they have enough, it's mass employment

@Flynnshine I agreed with much of what you said until you said wohp don't bring up their children. I work full-time and my dh farms (so basically works all the time) - we most certainly bring-up our children. Maybe slightly differently from you but my children have our values, know we love them and have stability and strong attachment that allows them to be nurtured by others but still have parental bonds with his. It is offensive you would suggest otherwise.

As for your friends husband - he is clearly ignorant to what his wife has given to him. His career may not have been as successful if she continued to work so childcare and household business had to be shared more equally. Not to mention had he have carried more of the mental load of everything whilst working at the same time so yes he has two wonderful children that he has financially supported but given little else to (they need a lot more than money).

To leave someone who has been part of your life for a long time and the primary carer of your children in financial hardship (due to greed) shows what kind of a person he really is.

How lovely of you Constanza to call yourself so very fair and equitable ha! How impressed with yourself you are, when thats not whats coming across at all.

That’s your opinion smother but my HR department would disagree. I’m held to account for all recruitment decisions in my department and follow procedures that have been put in place to ensure fair recruitment....and rightly so. Interestingly, we don’t struggle to recruit women as I work in a female dominated field and most of our employees are parents BUT at interview they are expected to be able to demonstrate up to date knowledge and relatively recent and relevant experience. It’s the same in a lot of organisations.
I train other departments on fair recruitment ....specifically around unconscious bias.

There is nothing unfair about what I’m saying ( or doing) but I do think there needs to be more support, advice and guidance for returning parents.

But I suspect smother I could say anything here and you’d disagree which is why it’s pretty pointless and I’m not sure why I’m bothering.

I was making reference to your comments on here of course, as I have absolutely no comment to make about your own work situation, how can I possibly? What your work say is irrelvent to the way you've approached all my posts, picking them apart.

No, I don't know why you continue to misconstrue. That's insulting in itself that you are saying I would disagree with absolutely everything you say! Why would you even say such a thing when its you that done that. Just leave it be..we're done here aren't we?

Yes, indeed we are smother